Progress

I haven't mentioned it much lately, but I have been making slow but steady progress on the new bed spread. Isn't it fun? The picture is lousy (as usual), but the colors are much brighter in person. I figure I'm about 1/10th done. At this rate it should only take me another three or four years to finish. That's what I get for making such a big project with such small yarn.

The gluten-free project is going well, too. I think my guts are a little happier than they used to be. Once you get used to it, it's not that hard. No harder than any of the other dietary changes I've had to make in the last year and a half. Just one more set of ingredients to watch out for. I tried a gluten-free bread mix in my bread machine this week. Not bad. Not as tasty as what I used to make, but it's bread. At $4.99 it ain't cheap, but it's better than the $7.99 a loaf that Whole Foods charges for gluten-free bread. And I'm sure it's fresher, considering those loaves are in the refrigerated section.

Another big change in the last week- I got my hair cut! This may not seem like a big deal to you, but I haven't had a hair cut in almost a year. I've worn my hair in a standard short bob for at least 15 years. No more. She cut in layers and added blond highlights. And I've discovered why I was having so much trouble with my hair. (Before this hair cut I looked like a white Don King. For real. It was scary.) I always had a little bit of wave in my hair, but mostly it was straight. I now have curly hair! There are swoops and waves everywhere, and I have actual ringlets forming at the back of my neck. It's unreal. My stylist says that hair texture changes over time. The meds could have something to do with it, too. It still blows my mind every time I look in the mirror. I look like I've had a perm!

I have a ways to go yet, but I am getting ready for NaNo. I've read through my notes from two years ago and familiarized myself with a few of the minor characters. I still haven't read through the whole story yet. This week, I promise. I want to make a few notes, do a little brain storming, and be ready when the time comes. I won't be able to start right away- my mom is coming for a long weekend and I'd rather spend the time with her than write. But she leaves on Tuesday, so after I drop her off at the airport and vote I want to dive right in. I'm losing the first three days of NaNo, but I've missed a lot more than that it years past and still made it through.

I managed to get a few referrals for new GI docs today, too. I'm not satisfied with my current medical team. I just don't accept that this is as good as it gets. There's got to be something better out there, some better treatment or combination of treatments, that will give me back my energy and make it possible to go back to work and lead a semi-normal life. I hope to get a few new ideas at an IBD conference this weekend. (That's why Mom is coming in for the weekend- to go with me.) Keep your fingers crossed. I'd love to report some more progress in the healing department soon.

Eulogy for a House Plant

I'm sorry, plant. I'm sorry I never fed you and rarely remembered to water you. You were a gift, and you cheered me up at a time when I desperately needed cheering. You lasted for 16 months- longer than any of your predecessors. I forgot to water you before I left town for a week and a half for Hurricane Ike, and though I watered you and even tried to feed you when I came home, you were never the same. Slowly, one by one, your leaves drooped, turning yellow and then brown. Where once a lush green houseplant stood (OK, you haven't been "lush" for at least a year, but you looked pretty good at first), now there is nothing but brown stalks in a basket with a jaunty white bow. You will be missed.

Gluten Free

It's been two weeks since I started my gluten free experiment. I think it might be working. It hasn't been the magic cure I was hoping for, but nothing else has either. Maybe if I combine enough magic cures, they'll add up to me being healthy again. It's a hope.

I did slip up once this past week. (Can you call a deliberate bad choice a "slip up?" Maybe I should say I fell off the wagon.) I had a couple of kolaches on Tuesday morning, and I was miserable for days afterward. Tuesday and Wednesday were both high stress days. Way high, like stratospherically high, stress days. So that certainly could have had something to do with it. The evidence is suggestive, if not conclusive. I think, for now, I'll stick with the gluten free program.

There is some other good news- my short term disability was approved. Thank God. The check arrived yesterday. I'm no longer broke, desperate, and sick. I'm just sick. And desperate to get better, I suppose. But it's a different kind of desperate from worrying about the money and how I'm going to manage going back to work full time when two hours of running errands puts me in bed for the rest of the day. And most of the next.

I do feel like I'm starting to get the hang of this gluten free stuff. I've read three books on the subject so far. (Well, read one and dipped heavily into the two others.) Usually I turn to the web for research like this, but for some reason I'm not finding the information I need this time. I know it's out there, I just don't seem to be finding it. It's striking to me how each book seems to have a different take on what's safe and what's not. Gluten-Free Girl by Shauna James Ahern is certainly the most strict. And in some ways the least helpful for my situation. It's filled with recipes using ingredients I can't have- nuts, seeds, vegetables that I can't digest. It's also the newest book, and you'd think, would have the most up-to-date information.

The other two books are The Complete Idiot's Guide to Gluten-Free Eating and The Gluten-Free Bible. At least one of the authors of the Idiot's Guide apparently doesn't have Celiacs or gluten sensitivity. The Bible was written by someone with years of experience, but it was published in 2005.

Girl suggests that everything that might possibly have the fainest trace of gluten, no matter how unlikely, requires contacting the manufacturer. It has a lot of information, which other sources suggest is out of date, and reads more like a memoir or collection of essays in some parts than a guide book to gluten free eating. Idiot's Guide explains FDA and USDA labeling laws, the likelihood of various ingredients containing gluten, and says it's up to the reader to decide if it's an acceptable risk. They also point out that in our litigious society, some statements are made to cover the manufacturer even if the possibility of contamination is practically non-existent. Bible has a lot of helpful information, including the low down on various restaurants. Did you know (at least, as of 2005) that IHOP adds pancake batter to their omelets to make them fluffier? I never would have guessed that. The eggs are the one item on any breakfast menu that I would have assumed was safe for me to eat.

It's not all bad news. I've canvased the local grocery stores in the last few days and figured out who has which products and for the best price. Of course, the closest store has the highest prices- by a dollar or more on some items. But their meat department is nasty, so shifting most of my shopping to other stores isn't that great a hardship.

Some of what I've tried has been quite good, some has been meh. One item has made me very happy- it's a regular, non-specialty food that recently made a small formula change to become gluten free. Being a major national brand, it's much cheaper than the specialty gluten free stuff. I've got a lot more products to try. Next time I'll come back with a list of what was good and what wasn't.

10,000 things

This week I've been following an online discussion about weight, and somehow in the last day or so it's morphed into a discussion of stuff. Clutter. One poster said that the average American owns 10,000 items. I would not be surprised. But, have mercy, that's a lot of stuff.

Of course, I couldn't leave a figure like that alone. So I spent about 15 minutes and wandered around my apartment taking a surface count. I didn't open the pantry or any of the kitchen cabinets. (Most of the dishes are dirty on the counter anyway.) I didn't open any boxes. I checked the coat closet and my bedroom closet, but not the linen closet or the very scary storage closet behind me. I did not open the refrigerator and count the sodas or the freezer and count the waffles. This was mostly just a wander around the house to count what was clearly visible. The total came to over 1000 things. I have a lot of crap.

That's not how I want to live. I've been working, in fits and starts, on clearing the clutter for several months now. I'm getting better at weeding out the flotsam- the store coupons for items I never use, receipts I'll never need, stuff that looked important but was really junk mail. It's a constant battle, but one that can be won.

Now it's time to move down a level. To the things that aren't clearly junk. I need to start making decisions about what is useful vs what is just sitting around collecting dust, and then I need to start acting on those decisions. If it's useful it needs a place of it's own. If it's not useful it need to find it's way out of my home. In the past I've done pretty well with making the decisions, but find myself out of the emotional energy necessary to follow through with the actions. The piles may eventually be dragged out to the trash, or if it's really good stuff and I can find the energy and time, to Good Will. But more often than not they will sit all over my living room floor for a week or two, mocking me, until I gather it all up in a bundle and throw it all back in the closet to deal with later. I feel better, briefly, about my clean floor and avoid opening that closet for the next six months, if possible.

To make things interesting, I've decided on a new plan. I'm going to get rid of (and not replace) 1,000 things. Many of the things I counted this afternoon are of daily use or hold sentimental value for me, so I'm keeping them. But I've got at least 3 junk drawers in the kitchen that weren't counted at all. I'm sure they'll yield some treasures. I've knit two blankets for Project Linus, with a third on the way. They can be washed and delivered. On the bookshelf next to my desk I have 3 phone books that are at least two years out of date. Recycling!

I'm getting ready for NaNo next month- I wonder if this is a bizarre version of nesting?

Moving on, I've been gluten-free for 9 days now. I'm feeling a little... different, but I wouldn't say I'm feeling better. Certain symptoms- which are gross and you don't want to hear about here- are better, while others are worse. I'm hoping that going off gluten is like going off caffeine- you feel like crap for a while, until it flushes it's way out of your system, and then you feel better. Come on, better. There are two books about going gluten-free, including recipes, on reserve at the library. Hopefully that will help. I made a lovely, junk-foodie macaroni and cheese with brown rice pasta for dinner last night. It helped tremendously, as I was having visions of driving to the nearest Panera and buying up all the left-over bagels and whatever baguettes they had on hand. I'm sorry, Elaine Gottschall, but giving up all starchy carbs is not for me.

Well, I'm off to bed and the audio version of Komar by Lois McMaster Bujold. If it's wrong to be in love with a fictional character, I don't want to be right.

So, it's been a while....

Many things have happened in the last two months. I'll try to hit the highlights.

I'm on medical leave. Have been since the end of August. Now if only the company where I have my short term disability insurance would approve it.... You have to start the leave before you apply for it, without knowing for sure if they will approve it. If they deny the claim I'm going to be completely out at least 6 weeks of pay at this point. Better or not (and unfortunately, the answer is not), if they don't get me a check soon I'm going to have to go back to work. My savings account is emptying at an alarming rate.

Hurricane Ike came for a little visit. I got out of town. Call me a wimp, I need power and a functioning bathroom. My area was minimally effected. Lots of trees down and roofs damaged, but the power was back on here first and homes weren't totally blown away or under 5 feet of water. I had some water damage in my apartment, which I still haven't strong-armed the management company into fixing. It's only cosmetic, but I don't like opening my eyes every morning to a stained and pealing wall. Things are still pretty screwed up in Houston. Lots of stop lights were messed up, and three weeks later traffic is still a disaster.

I've changed my meds, increased other meds, and taken time off work, but the Crohn's is still kicking my butt. A friend, who has had Crohn's for 20 years and who I look up to as a mentor, gently recommends going gluten-free every time I talk to her. I finally decided to try it. I've been gluten-free for... about 24 hours now. No change so far. I don't expect this to be the miracle cure. But then, at this point I've stopped hoping for the miracle cure. I don't believe it's out there. I think I'm going to have to find all the little pieces that work for me, and put the puzzle together all by myself. Unfortunately, someone lost the box top with the picture on it. And someone else mixed pieces from a bunch of other puzzles into my box. So it's taking a while. I know what I want this thing to look like when I'm done. I just don't know if that's possible with the pieces I have available.

In more cheerful news, National Novel Writing Month is coming up again. My plan (always with the plan!) is to re-read my 2006 novel, and then starting Nov 1, pick up where I left off and finish the damn thing. I shouldn't call it "the damn thing." I really like this story. I think it has potential. It just, like so many other things in my life right now, seems like the impossible task.

Gotta work on that attitude.

Not Enough Hours in a Day

Being sick has to be the biggest time suck in the world. There's never enough time and energy to do everything that needs to be done. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, I'm late. The alarm is set for 6:05 am and goes off for an hour. I usually wake up at 7:15. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about that. My body says, "You need sleep more than you need to get up right now," and refuses to flip the switch. I stagger into the bathroom and deal with a good 15-20 minutes of unpleasantness. I clean up from that and then some days I stagger to the laundry room to check the status of whatever sat in the dryer over night. Usually it's not dry yet, so I give it another spin. Back to the bathroom, where I climb in the shower and wash the really important bits. A couple days a week I'll wave a razor in the general vicinity of my under arms. Then I'll sign and look down at all the hair on my legs that I once again won't be shaving. Out of the shower. Dry off. Brush teeth. Towel dry and brush hair. Maybe slap on a little moisturizer if my face is dry.

Next stop the living room. Pull the cell phone off the charger and stuff it in my purse. Make sure I have a full compliment of feminine protection, in case of unfortunate accidents. Make sure I have all my meds. Depending on how late I am at this point, or if the weather is doing something funky, I'll turn on the National news for a few minutes. Someone is grilling something or singing something. If the timing is right I might get to hear a bunch of tourists squeal and wave signs while one or two lucky ones get to tell about their mission trip from South Podunk. And then maybe some weather. All the while pulling on the least wrinkled of the clean clothes piled on top of my dining room table. Put my shoes on. Feed the cat. Hopefully remember to bring a plastic cup so I don't have to drink out of the mini paper ones. Save a tree. And a trip to the water dispenser.

If I'm really lucky there will be something easy to grab for breakfast at my desk. Lean Pocket breakfast pockets, maybe. But usually I ate the last one yesterday and there's nothing. So it's a peanut butter sandwich or a bowl of cold cereal. (Do you have any idea what a hassle it is to pack a bowl of cold cereal to go?) Check again to make sure I have my meds. Trip over the cat on the way out the door.

Arrive at work around 8:20. (Twenty minutes late.) Deal with a grumpy boss who claims to understand my condition but still is mad when I'm not there on the dot of 8. Try not to resent the hypocrisy when he leaves to run his son to sports camp/takes the afternoon off for a massage/takes an hour to get a hair cut/wanders out of the office with a vague "I'll be back" and returns twenty minutes later with a smoothie.

Drag myself through miles of mind numbing paperwork. Hope that I'll make it all the way to Friday before collapsing. Wonder how I'm going to make it to the grocery store after work. Wonder if I really have to. Convince myself that I can squeeze at least one more meal out of the stuff in the freezer and pantry. Stagger out the door at 5:01.

Get home and spend another 20 unpleasant minutes in the bathroom. Clean up again and raid the kitchen. There is nothing to eat. Manage a meal out of ramen noodles, cheese sticks, and a package of diced peaches just slightly past their due date. Put the dirty dishes in the sink. They'll keep 'til tomorrow. Or next week. Or whenever you feel good enough to scrape off the fuzz and throw them in the dishwasher. Vegetate on the couch. Knit a little. Talk to Mom on the phone. Try to pretend things are better than they are. Don't manage to fool her. Go read a book in the bathroom for a while. Final round of medicine for the night. Hope I can do it all tomorrow. After all, it was only Tuesday.

Hello? Pizza joint? Is anyone home?

All I want is a pizza. And maybe some bread sticks. You know, something starchy and fatty that I'll enjoy in the moment and then pay for later. Is that so much to ask? Apparently, it is. I've placed six phone calls to three different locations of a national pizza chain, and they all say that they don't cover my area, someone else does. I've talked to three different managers. They all point the finger at someone else. Now I'm waiting for one of them to call me back and tell me, finally and for sure, which location will take my order. I'm not holding my breath. It really shouldn't be this hard to sin.

The Man With the Golden Torc

Just a quickie today. More to come.

I've been reading The Man With the Golden Torc by Simon R. Green. It's... I don't know what it is. Different. Funny in a way I'm not used to seeing in Urban Fantasy. Repetitive. The author could have used some help from an editor or critique partner. When the action is going he's fine. But when he's describing stuff we get the same info two or three times. Those sections read like NaNo drafts. The main character is perfectly serious, but some of the superhero stuff is wacky, maybe even camp. I'm enjoying it, but I'm not sure if I'd read a follow up. I'll definitely finish this one, though. This book just might be Art. It's definitely causing a reaction, although I can't quite nail down what the reaction is.

And I'm not quite 100 pages in yet. I'll let you know what I think when I finish.

Certain Girls

I spent the morning and half the afternoon reading Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner. What a rip-off. I'd heard that it was really funny, but I couldn't find anything funny about it. I'm not really surprised- the first book had a fair bit of tragedy before finding a happy ending. There was no happy ending for this one. I sobbed my way through the last forty pages.

Spoilers Ahead.

Why did she have to kill Peter? What purpose did it serve in the story? None that I could see, other than a cheap way to wring tears out of the reader. It finally looks like the problems between Cannie and Joy have been worked out, and BAM! Her husband dies. At the end of the book she's lost her job and her husband. Joy, her 13 year-old daughter seems to be holding things together. She's written another book- one that's she's not too sure of and will likely cause more problems. And worst of all, she's got a brand new baby that I'm not convinced she ever wanted.

I don't mind a little tragedy in my books, but there's got to be an emotional payoff of some sort at the end. I'm sorry, there was no payoff for me in this book. No resolution. Just more misery. And a headache for me, from crying so hard.

And now I have to get it back to the library so it can make someone else miserable. Boy, am I glad I didn't read it at the beach house like I'd planned.

Is it weird?

So, I met this guy a couple of years ago. He was smart, nice, funny, had a cool job. I was definitely interested. In fact, he's the only guy I'd met in years that made me sit up and think "Wow!" And he seemed interested, too. We met through a writing group, and he always made a point to talk to me. There was even an email or two exchanged.

And then he just disappeared.

In this group that's not terribly unusual. Things get busy and life intrudes and people wander off. He's a few years older, and I know he had kids. Maybe it was just really bad timing. But I thought there was something there.

Is it too weird that I still think about this guy every once in a while?

New Knitty

The new Knitty is up. Yippie! And they've announced their 2009 calendar contest. I'm so new to the online knitting community that I didn't even know they had a calendar, let alone a contest to fill it. I'd love to enter, but if you've seen any of my pictures here on the blog, you know I am not one of the world's great photographers. Actually, I'm not bad. I just don't have a great camera. The light isn't so hot in my apartment, either. But I'm not spending a bunch of money on a new camera right now.

Also, I need to knit something to take a picture of. I should probably work on that part first, huh? I've got a pile of patterns I want to make, including a couple of sock patterns from the summer issue. This one is designed for self-striping yarn, and you know I love me some self-striping yarn. http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEsummer08/PATTmuscari.html I think that one is my favorite of the bunch.

As you may have guessed, I am back from vacation. I'm not up to blogging about it yet- maybe this weekend. I remembered to take my camera, but forgot to use it, so sorry. No pictures. Whoops!

An Annual Event

Brace yourselves, folks. I shaved my legs this morning. That's right, I've spent the last year as a hairy feminist. Not out of any particular political conviction (Although I'm proud to say I'm a feminist. What's up with all the women today who say they aren't feminists? Do you like being paid less for the same job or having others limit your access to reproductive care and birth control? Really now.), but because I've been too exhausted/lazy to deal with it. Let me tell you, it takes a lot of energy to shave that much acreage on a semi-regular basis.

You wouldn't believe the hassle in shaving off a year's worth of leg hair. First of all, it requires multiple razors. That much hair dulls the blades fast. If you want to leave the skin and remove the hair, you'd better be prepared to switch out at least half way through. And then there's the problem of missing spots. When you shave regularly and miss a spot, no one is going to notice a little stubble. (Unless they're feeling on your legs, in which case Good For You!) When you've got a year's worth of leg hair and you miss a spot, it's visible from space. I think I got it all, but I guarantee I'll find a big ol' spot when I put on my shorts at the beach tomorrow. Whoops!

I can't wait to get there. I missed the beach house last year because I was in the hospital. I was so damn sick I hardly even regretted it at the time. All I wanted to do was lie there. Even if they'd sprung me, I couldn't have managed the trip. This year it may not be all good- things have been a little rough again this week- but it's a hell of a lot better than last year.

I even remembered to pack my camera, so maybe I'll have a few pictures to post next week!

Why did I do that?

I made a big mistake. I've been eating junk food this week, and now I'm paying for it. Big time. I've been in the bathroom approximately eight hundred thirty-two times today, and as soon as I'm done posting this it'll be back to the throne room. I just hope things settle down in time for me to drive to the beach Friday night. Crohn's bites big wang.

fortune telling yarn and other stuff

I've been knitting bibs and burp cloths for a friend who's due in October. As you may have seen in a previous post, I have a boatload of Peaches n Creme yarn. Many, many colors. And yet, I couldn't make myself knit anything in girlie colors. Every time I pulled a skein out of a bag, it was blue or green or some combination of the two. I told a mutual friend, "I know it's too early to know for sure, but I think she's having a boy." I just got an email today- I was right! She's having a boy. My reputation for woo woo is secure.

I've finally settled on my knitting projects for the beach this weekend. I'm going to take the sock that I'm currently Magic Looping (My first! It doesn't look so great, but since this is my first pair in fingering weight yarn I'm trying to accept that it's a learning experience.) and yarn to start another. I'm most of the way through the leg at this point, so it's entirely possible that I will finish this sock and want to start another. I just need to pick which of the nine skeins of sock yarn I want to work next. (Did I mention I accidentally bought more sock yarn last weekend? Whoopsie!)

I'm almost settled on the reading material, too. Definitely the new Harry Dresden. Probably the Lois McMaster Bujold. I'm waffling on The Host by Stephenie Meyer. It's a big book, and my hands have been hurting lately. Also, it's likely to get beat up, spilled on, ashed on, and generally abused, and I hate to do that to a new, pretty hardback. That I paid money for myself. Also, I'm trying to keep the personal entertainment down to one tote bag, and that sucker is big. So probably the Meyer will wait 'til later.

Speaking of Lois McMaster Bujold, I've been listening to the Vorkosigan series on audiobook again. I'm on my second listening of Cetaganda, and I plan to download the next book in time to listen to it on my drive down. Let me just say, I love Miles Vorkosigan. I would so totally marry him if he weren't already married. (And if he were real instead of a fictional character, of course.) I heard Bujold is working on another book in the series for release in 2009. Yippie! This world is so real, it seems like there are infinite possibilities for the author. I'd love to see Ivan's POV- what was it like growing up with Miles? I don't think Ivan is nearly as dumb as he pretends to be. As much as Miles feels overshadowed by the tall, handsome Ivan, I'm sure Ivan's felt just as overshadowed by cunning Miles, who grew up with two doting parents. In fact, I've wondered how Gregor felt, too, boy Emperor and foster brother to such an overwhelming personality. Alys Vorpatril has hidden depths, and her insider's view of Barrayar and a woman's place in the society and power structure would be interesting. And Byerly Vorrutyer was intriguing in A Civil Campaign, although I'm not sure I'm ready to read a whole book about him. Ellie Quinn or Bel Thorne would be interesting POV characters, too. Not that I wouldn't be perfectly happy with more Miles! (And I bet his kids will give him a run for his money someday soon, too!)

mano a mano

This past weekend, for no particular reason, I left the TV off and read. That hasn't happened in quite a while. I guess I've just been so caught up in knitting that I haven't wanted to put the needles down and read. So last weekend, while the Tivo recorded NCIS and SVU marathons, I snuggled in bed with the cat and a few books.

Again, it wasn't any particular plan, but what I ended up reading was m/m romance. I'd never read one before. Well, that's not true. I've read Force of Nature and All Through the Night, Suzanne Brockmann's novels featuring Jules and Robin. But the bedroom door is firmly closed in those books. In the books I read this weekend the bedroom door was wide open.

The first one was My Fair Captain by J.L. Langley. It's an interesting concept. Although space fairing, a couple planets have chosen to base their societies on Regency England. One has a completely male dominated aristocracy. And they're all gay. The young men must guard their virtue until marriage or until they come of age at 25. The reasoning behind the all male aristocracy was weak. But if you're willing to not think about it too hard and just be entertained, the rest of the world works. The writing could have used more polishing, too, but other than that I enjoyed it.

The second book was Phyllida and the Brotherhood of Philander by Ann Herendeen. This one I have more mixed feelings about. It's a bisexual Regency. Andrew is a "sodomite" who has decided it's time to marry and produce an heir. A friend introduces him to Phyllida as a woman who might be willing to marry him and still allow him to continue his lifestyle. Of course, they are immediately attracted to each other. After they marry, Andrew meets Matthew and they fall in love as well. My main problem with this book was that there was just too much going on. Andrew acts like an insensitive jerk and a whole series of unnecessary misunderstandings ensue, leaving Andrew and Phyllida estranged for a good chunk of the book. There's a whole espionage subplot that doesn't make much sense until a minor character explains the whole thing at the end. Andrew and Matthew have what seemed to me to be a pointless fist fight right before resolving their romantic conflict. At 532 pages, this book was at least 150 pages too long. For all that, I didn't dislike the book. I guess I'd heard so many good things about it online, my expectations were too high. I wish the love triangle among Phyllida, Andrew, and Matthew was more even. It seems to me that the only one who got everything s/he wanted/needed out of the deal was Andrew.

Then last night, I read Fairyville by Emma Holly. Let me just say, Emma Holly is hot. She can write a steaming sex scene, and this book was no different. I haven't read all of her stuff, but this was the first book of hers I've read that featured a m/m couple who ended up in a more or less committed relationship. Zoe, a professional medium, lives in Fairyville, Arizona, a city known for its strange goings on. Magnus is a fairy living in the human world and hiding from his mother, the fairy queen. Alex is Zoe's lost love, and although he doesn't know it at first, a changeling. Bryan is Alex's business partner who has been in love with him since college. And then they all get it on. A lot. I didn't quite buy Magnus' reason for hiding his nature from Zoe, and I wasn't 100% on the Zoe/Alex relationship. But other than that, I enjoyed this book quite a lot. Holly has a gift for writing very hot sex scenes that also illuminate the charcters and advance the plot, all at the same time. Not an easy thing to do. I checked out her website and discovered that she has a writing workshop posted there. Believe me, I will be reading that.

After stepping back and considering all three, I've realized that they all have one thing in common- D/s themes. Is this because these books are already considered edgy because of the m/m content, so it's OK to go there? Is it because women are writing these books, and the idealized romantic hero is an aggressive alpha male, and that's being expressed through domination? Did I just get lucky and end up with three kinky heroes? More research is required. I did notice that both Andrew and Nate (in Captain) called their lovers "sluts." Is this also a m/m thing, or just a coincidence? Is this something that women want to hear but is socially unacceptable, even in our erotica, so we put it in a m/m relationship? Who are we supposed to be relating to, the dominant or the dominated?

A lot to think about. And this is just the tiniest tip of the genre-iceberg. If anyone has any suggestions for further reading, I'd love to hear them.

Last Night I Had a Crazy Dream.....

I had an Ugly Betty dream last night. In it, I was dating Daniel and we were hanging out at Betty's apartment. (I know, she lives with her family, but in my dream she had an apartment.) Daniel and I were really schmoopy, which anyone who's known me for 5 minutes knows is totally not normal for me. Then his phone rang. His ring tone was Angel by Madonna. (I know that's dumb. It'll make more sense in minute.) So he answers the phone, and I can tell he doesn't want to talk to whoever it is in front of me. So Betty and I go into the kitchen to hang out and talk. I suspect he's talking to another woman, and I'm trying not to get jealous. Even though he answered the phone, the music is still playing and Betty and I start dancing in the kitchen and then go into the dining room/sun room where there's more room to dance. And then an old woman with bad teeth appears and starts dancing with us. Just at the end of the song Daniel comes in and catches us busting a move. And then we get schmoopy again, although I can tell he's worried about something. And then I woke up and realized that it was 6:30 and my alarm clock was playing my Like a Virgin CD- hence the Madonna song. Weird, huh? No clue what it means, except maybe I've been watching too much TV. I've been bopping along humming Madonna songs all day. Good thing it was a high energy song, 'cause it's been a zoo around here.

My annual beach pilgrimage is coming up in a couple of weeks. I can't take the whole week. I don't want to use up that much time, just in case something happens later this year. Also, I don't think I have the stamina to spend that much time staying up late and eating unusual food. I don't want to kick off another flare. So I'll be there for 4 days. I have a couple of books picked out- The Host by Stephenie Meyer, Small Favors by Jim Butcher, The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold. But I haven't settled on what knitting I want to bring. It has to be something that I won't mind getting smoky. (I can't smoke anymore, but a lot of my friends do.) So anything for Project Linus or family Christmas gifts are out. It also needs to be something that doesn't require a lot of counting or pattern checking. We're a rowdy bunch, and there's no way I'll be able to keep up with anything fancy. I was thinking maybe the No Purl Monkeys (one of the June Thrifty Sock Knitters patterns) and maybe some face cloths for myself out of the Cotton Tots I broke down and bought before Mother's Day. I'm thinking the faux-Noro scarf is a bad idea- from what I hear SWS felts easily, and there's a high probability of spilled beer and general abuse. Perhaps Square Cake from Knitty out of some red tweed Wool Ease. I don't know. I'll probably change my mind eight times between now and then. Any suggestions?

New Dreams

I had a half hour pilates session with my trainer last night. Have I mentioned that I love pilates? I think it's the breathing. It's more like moving meditation than exercise. The reformers at my gym are in a small, curtained off room that's surprisingly quiet considering there are whole rows of treadmills and elliptical machines just a few feet away.

I'm thinking that maybe I'd like to be a pilates instructor some day. That's how much I love it. I talked to my trainer about "graduating" from beginner to intermediate last night, and she said that I'll be moving to "essential" next. (I thought that essential was a more basic beginner's class.) Most people take a year to move up to intermediate. So I'm thinking that it's going to be quite a while before I'm ready to try an instructor program. Usually, I'm kind of impatient with this kind of idea. I want to do it NOW. But strangely, I don't mind waiting. I'm content to take my Monday night reformer class, and if I feel up to it I'll try the Wednesday night small equipment class next week. It's all good.

I opened an email from Lion Brand today and found a short essay and pattern for a "road scarf." The essay didn't amount to much, but the pattern has inspired me. I haven't worked on a scarf in quite a while. I have a couple different scarf ideas- I wouldn't go so far as to say patterns- that I'd like to try. There's something sort of zen about a scarf. It just keeps going until it's done. There's not a whole lot of need for scarves in Houston. In fact, there's not as much need for hand knits in general as I'd like around here. (Although a good cozy sweater comes in surprisingly handy during the summer. Houston office a/c can be brutal.) But I'm already trying to figure out how many scarves I can pack and bring with me for Christmas in Massachusetts.

Plans for the weekend:
work on the book
watch Buffy
get a massage
breathe
knit

Is it really only Tuesday?

I'm thinking that pilates last night wasn't such a good idea. Owie. Also, I feel like I could sleep for a week. Even though it's only Tuesday, the weekend can't come soon enough.

I finished project #4- the burp cloth- at lunch today. The ends need to be woven in, but the kid's not due until October, so I have time!

Now that I'm down to one active project- the diagonal baby blanket- I'm completely obsessed with the idea of making a felted bag. This is the one I've been ogling on Rav- http://yarnpirate.livejournal.com/14995.html. Isn't it beautiful? I followed the link to her design inspiration, a pillow in gorgeous colors. And suddenly I'm envisioning this bag in Noro Kureyon. Can you imagine? Or perhaps Patons SWS. (Cheaper, and I already have a boatload of the Stripes. I'd just need a coordinating solid.) I was thinking about experimenting with something smaller and using up the last of my Silk Garden, but I hear it doesn't really felt. So much for that idea. I have a few other design ideas percolating, too.

I feel a trip to the LYS coming on. Danger, Will Robinson!

Progress Report

I finished 3 of my 5 projects this weekend- including weaving in the ends! Yay! Here are the pictures:

I think the swiffer sweater is a little loose, but I'll have to try it out to be sure. The burp cloth/kitchen towel is about 3/4 finished. I didn't get anything done on the baby blanket at all. It was very hard not to cast on for something else. I really want to make another market bag. But not until the other two projects are done! I feel so virtuous.

The doctor cleared me to go off the Predinsone on Saturday, so I did. Oy. I took a 2 hour nap yesterday and an hour nap today. After sleeping in until 10am. I have a feeling that tomorrow isn't going to be pretty.

Finish It Up!

I have 5, count 'em, 5 projects OTN at the moment:

1. Granny's Favorite in Spring Meadows P&C
2. ballband dishcloth in black and Fiesta P&C
3. ballband swiffer cover in Peppercorn P&C
4. Baby Genius burp cloth in Shaded Denim P&C
5. diagonal baby blanket in white Caron

It wouldn't be so bad if I were making progress on any of them, but with the exception of the Granny's Favorite, I've been piddling around with them all for over a week now. I'll do a row of this and a row of that, and nothing is getting done. So I've declared this my first, official Finish It Up Weekend. At least 3 of these projects will be completed by the time I go back to work on Monday.

I've decided to work on this the same way you're supposed to pay off your credit cards- starting with the project with the least left to do and working your way up to the ones with the most left. That way, you feel like you're accomplishing something. Yes, if I really worked my butt off I might be able to finish the baby blanket this weekend. Maybe. But then I'd still have 4 projects OTN, and I'd be burned out to boot. I can easily finish the GF tonight, and probably make some decent progress on the ballband dishcloth. Tomorrow morning I have my RWA meeting, and I'm not sure what I'll take to that. Probably either the burp cloth or the blanket. They aren't next on the list, but I won't have to wrestle multiple balls of yarn like the dishcloth or measure to make sure I'm not going too far like on the swiffer cover. (I'm not 100% sure how many rows I want on that one. It's better if I keep the swiffer handy so that it fits.)

Saturday I'll finish the dishcloth and swiffer cover, and Sunday I'll work on the burp cloth. If I take the burp cloth with me on Saturday morning, I might have a fighting chance of finishing that on Sunday. So that will leave me with one project OTN. The diagonal baby blanket. If I work on that exclusively in the evenings next week, I might be able to finish it, too. Then I can cast on for a Jayne hat, or a meathead, or that baby hat from Creative Knitting that I've been wanting to make, or maybe the Rosie the Riveter.... can you tell I'm in a hat mood? But before I do all that, Must Finish the WIPs!