I decided it's time for another Good Things post. I had a different, miserable post all ready to go, but I just couldn't put all that "I'm so tired, I'm so sore, I have so much to do" out into the universe one more time. I know the tag line for this blog ends with "and whining", but I feel like I've been taking that a little too seriously lately. In fact, I'm thinking that I want to change the name and the tag line of this blog. After the move. I can't take on one more thing, no matter how trivial right now. But if you think of something good, let me know! Sometime after Labor Day I should have time to think about it again.
Anyway, I was going to come up with a list of good things. I didn't promise ten this time because I don't want to strain my brain. So here, in no particular order, are all the good things I can think of.
I get to meet my best friend for lunch tomorrow and see the baby for one last time before I leave.
Another friend is coming on Thursday to help set up for my moving sale, where I will hopefully make scads of money.
My brother and his friend are flying down Friday a week to drive a truck load of my stuff up to Indiana to be stored until Mom and Dad sell the house and we all move west.
My brother's friend's birthday is that Friday, so there will be birthday cake!
In 11 days this whole fiasco will be over, and I'll be settling in for my first night in Massachusetts. Where my mommy will cook all my meals for me, and spoil my cat rotten, and I fully intend to sleep for a week straight.
When I finally wake up from my long summer's nap, it will be time for Lani/Lucy's Discovery class! Yay!
Next week Jennifer Crusie's new book, Maybe This Time, launches! Double yay! I already have it on pre-order for my Kindle, and my big plan is to start reading it on the plane.
Every time the title of Crusie's new book comes up, I think of the movie Connie and Carla, which is definitely a good thing!
So, it looks like I was able to come up with 8 good things without even trying. And I feel much better now that I did after writing that other post. When I start getting cranky again (and I guarantee I will), someone give me a sharp poke and remind me to do a good things list. Hopefully we'll all be happier for it.
Edit: And now one more good thing to add to the list. I just got an email from someone asking for more information about some of the items I listed for my moving sale! Cross your fingers that she wants them, folks!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Help! Need More Books!
Last night, after waffling around for quite a while, I signed up for Lani/Lucy's Discovery class. This morning I got a welcome email with one pre-class homework assignment: read. (I knew there was a reason I liked her!) I never need an excuse to Read All The Things-- I spend a good chunk of my free time doing that anyway. But this time I'm a little stumped and could use some recommendations.
The details are still a little fuzzy to me (which is why this class is perfect timing), but I know I want to set my story in Texas somewhere in the 1830's-1901. A lot of cool stuff happened here in those years. You know what else those years roughly represent? The Victorian era. Steampunk! Which is perfect for my story, since there is some time travel going on.
This is where you come in. I've read a little steampunk, but not a lot. Can you make some recommendations? What is good? I like some romance in my stories, anything from a slow growing tension over several books in a series to hanky panky on the first page. But I don't have to have romance as long as the story is well told and exciting. I just want to get a feel for what's happening in the genre.
If you've read any of my other posts, you know I'm up to my eyebrows in moving right now. So I really need books that are available in e-format. Books that might be available from Overdrive would be great, because my library has an excellent subscription with them. And I have some credit built up at Amazon, so books available for the Kindle would be good, too.
If you don't have any steampunk recommendations, what have you read and loved lately? My tastes are fairly eclectic. It all mixes around in the soup pot in my brain, and you never know what group of disparate things will spark off each other and create a new story idea, or take an old story in a totally new direction.
The details are still a little fuzzy to me (which is why this class is perfect timing), but I know I want to set my story in Texas somewhere in the 1830's-1901. A lot of cool stuff happened here in those years. You know what else those years roughly represent? The Victorian era. Steampunk! Which is perfect for my story, since there is some time travel going on.
This is where you come in. I've read a little steampunk, but not a lot. Can you make some recommendations? What is good? I like some romance in my stories, anything from a slow growing tension over several books in a series to hanky panky on the first page. But I don't have to have romance as long as the story is well told and exciting. I just want to get a feel for what's happening in the genre.
If you've read any of my other posts, you know I'm up to my eyebrows in moving right now. So I really need books that are available in e-format. Books that might be available from Overdrive would be great, because my library has an excellent subscription with them. And I have some credit built up at Amazon, so books available for the Kindle would be good, too.
If you don't have any steampunk recommendations, what have you read and loved lately? My tastes are fairly eclectic. It all mixes around in the soup pot in my brain, and you never know what group of disparate things will spark off each other and create a new story idea, or take an old story in a totally new direction.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Baby Hats! And then it gets depressing.
The other day I mentioned the baby hats I've been knitting, and I've finally gotten around to taking a picture. They're cute, if I must say so myself!
I didn't have 5 little baby heads sitting around the house to display them (um, ew), so I searched the pantry and found 5 cans instead. Not the perfect option, but it works. In the background you can see my empty bookshelf, except for a small stack of stuff that still needs to go to Half Price Books. I'll get to it this week.
I've made a lot of progress, although there's always more to do. As of this morning I have an airline ticket for Sept. 4th. My brother is coming down to drive my car to Indianapolis, and I'm flying to Massachusetts. In 18 days I won't live here any more. I emailed my best friend, and she and the baby are going to meet me for lunch next week. I've been so frantically busy these last couple of weeks that I've been able to totally ignore what all that frantic busy-ness was for. I'm leaving my home. I've been teary for a good part of the day. I think I just need to put on a really sad movie and get it over with. I know I've been joking that the plan was to keep it together until everything is done and then fall apart spectacularly. I'm beginning to worry that the spectacular even might occur while I'm sitting at the airport, waiting to get on the plane. Or even worse, on the plane. I think maybe it's time to stop being so tough about this. Airport officials get nervous these days when a passenger bursts out in hysterics, even if said passenger has a good reason for the hysterics.
I didn't have 5 little baby heads sitting around the house to display them (um, ew), so I searched the pantry and found 5 cans instead. Not the perfect option, but it works. In the background you can see my empty bookshelf, except for a small stack of stuff that still needs to go to Half Price Books. I'll get to it this week.
I've made a lot of progress, although there's always more to do. As of this morning I have an airline ticket for Sept. 4th. My brother is coming down to drive my car to Indianapolis, and I'm flying to Massachusetts. In 18 days I won't live here any more. I emailed my best friend, and she and the baby are going to meet me for lunch next week. I've been so frantically busy these last couple of weeks that I've been able to totally ignore what all that frantic busy-ness was for. I'm leaving my home. I've been teary for a good part of the day. I think I just need to put on a really sad movie and get it over with. I know I've been joking that the plan was to keep it together until everything is done and then fall apart spectacularly. I'm beginning to worry that the spectacular even might occur while I'm sitting at the airport, waiting to get on the plane. Or even worse, on the plane. I think maybe it's time to stop being so tough about this. Airport officials get nervous these days when a passenger bursts out in hysterics, even if said passenger has a good reason for the hysterics.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Review: Zero at the Bone by Jane Seville
After witnessing a mob hit, surgeon Jack Francisco is put into protective custody to keep him safe until he can testify. A hitman known only as D is blackmailed into killing Jack, but when he tracks him down, his weary conscience won't allow him to murder an innocent man. Finding in each other an unlikely ally, Jack and D are soon on the run from shadowy enemies. Forced to work together to survive, the two men forge a bond that ripens into unexpected passion. Jack sees the wounded soul beneath D's cold, detached exterior, and D finds in Jack the person who can help him reclaim the man he once was. As the day of Jack's testimony approaches, he and D find themselves not only fighting for their lives... but also fighting for their future. A future together.
I'm a little behind the times on this one- Zero at the Bone came in second in this year's DA BWAHA tournament. It's the first time a GLBT novel has ranked anywhere near that high, so I figured it must be something special. I was right.
I don't read a ton of m/m romance, but I've read enough to be at least familiar with the sub-genre. This is by far the best written m/m romance I've ever read. Jack and D are real people with serious, complex problems. And while it took one of them some time accept the attraction, there was refreshingly little gay angst. Jack and D have enough problems, serious life and death problems, without worrying about how family or society will feel about their relationship.
The outside threats to the couple weren't straightforward, either. Jack has the mob after him, which is dangerous enough. But D has been in the business for years and has built up some treacherous enemies himself. The mystery of exactly who is pulling the strings kept me guessing through the middle of the book.
There were some things that bothered me about the book, however. Jack and D had a tendency to squabble, which got annoying after a while. I know that fights are often used in romance novels to up the tension and signal buried attraction. But somehow that didn't work between these two. It felt like the same argument over and over again, even if the subject wasn't the same. I'd rather have seen some real conflict in those scenes than fights that never go anywhere.
Toward the end of the novel, D does some things to make it safe for Jack to go back to his old life. But he refused to tell Jack at first what he's done. The reader knows, so there's no mystery there, and there was nothing wrong or shocking in his actions, so I don't know what the point was. It just created more unnecessary conflict in the relationship. D had already revealed a lot about his life as a hitman, so why does he feel the need to hide this? I was ready for these two to get their happy ending already, and it was frustrating to me that this refusal to share caused problems.
Which leads me to my biggest problem with the book. Romance has expanded to encompass a lot of things-- heroes can be cowboys or vampires or, in the case of D, even hitmen. They can be set in the past or the future or on a whole different planet. For many readers, including me, the couple can be gay, straight, or more than a couple. But there is one contract you can't break. There has to be a Happily Ever After. You can even bend that one a little bit and leave them with a Happy For Now in certain circumstances. But there is no Happily Ever anything for Jack and D at the end of this book, which seriously impacts my reading satisfaction.
If the author had finished with Chapter 29, I could have believed as a reader in Jack and D's happy ending. But the author spends the last 10% of the book (30 pages or so? I don't know for sure as I read this on my Kindle and it gives me percentages, not pages.) showing Jack and D having relationship trouble. Realistic? Yes. But romance lovers read for fantasy, not reality. They clearly love each other, but neither is happy in the relationship as it stands on the last page, and that is a disappointment to me as a reader. There's a note after the last line that says, "Jack and D's adventures aren't over," and invites the reader to visit the author's website. The website has a couple of short stories and says that Ms Seville is working on her next book featuring these two heroes, which is good to know. But I want some sort of relationship resolution now, in this book. I don't want to have to find the author's website or wait for the next book. It doesn't have to be Happily Ever After. I'm OK with a sequel, although you don't see that too often in romance novels. I'd like to read more about these two characters. But to give me a satisfying reading experience I need at least a Happy For Now ending.
To sum up, the characters were well defined with exceptional depth. But there were some problems, especially with the ending. Overall, I'd give this one a B+.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
McDonald's sleeping bag
Does anyone know anything about McDonald's collectibles? I have an old sleeping bag from the 80's that looks like a big order of McDonald's french fries. A friend was here today helping me sort stuff, and when I asked her to throw it on the garage sale pile she said, "You know, that could be worth something." I've been Googling around, trying to get info on it, but I've come up with bupkis so far. (My Google-fu, it is weak.) Lots of other McDonald's collectibles, but no sleeping bags.
It's about in the condition you'd expect something like that to be in after a childhood filled with slumber parties and sleep overs and then being stuffed in various storage closets for years. A little faded, but doesn't look to be stained. (I haven't unrolled it to take a good look yet.) No tears or anything. I kind of doubt that it's rare and valuable. But if they were made by the millions I'd think I would have at least found something in Google Images.
So, what do you think? Have I hit the jackpot of McDonald's collectibles, or is this something so mundane that no one has ever bothered to take a picture and put it on the internet? Is there anything that hasn't been photographed and put on the internet?
It's about in the condition you'd expect something like that to be in after a childhood filled with slumber parties and sleep overs and then being stuffed in various storage closets for years. A little faded, but doesn't look to be stained. (I haven't unrolled it to take a good look yet.) No tears or anything. I kind of doubt that it's rare and valuable. But if they were made by the millions I'd think I would have at least found something in Google Images.
So, what do you think? Have I hit the jackpot of McDonald's collectibles, or is this something so mundane that no one has ever bothered to take a picture and put it on the internet? Is there anything that hasn't been photographed and put on the internet?
Monday, August 09, 2010
21 Days
Last week a lot of things broke loose for me, and the disability situation felt a little bit less hopeless. But now it's Monday, and the anxiety levels are creeping up again. I have 21 days to get my Social Security straightened out and keep my insurance, pack up the apartment, have a huge apartment sale, and donate the rest. You can barely walk for all the junk in my living room right now. And then it looks like I'm headed for a lay over in Massachusetts.
Honestly, I think the Massachusetts part is adding to my stress levels. Mom and Dad have a nice house, and there's certainly room for me to crash there for a while. But other than closing myself in the bedroom, there's not much room for privacy. I'm used to being on my own, and I'm not looking forward to suddenly being in a three person household.
As far as the physical sorting and packing goes, it's pretty overwhelming right now. There's just SO MUCH to do, and I'm not sure what to concentrate on next. It's all complicated by the fact that as much as I want to just have Goodwill come in and haul it all away, I really need whatever cash a sale will bring in. A friend and her son will be coming by tomorrow to help, so maybe I can get some of the stuff that's not likely to sell out of the house. It would be nice to be able to move around without tripping.
Am I blathering? I feel like I'm blathering. But I've got to let some of this out or I'm going to explode. My own blog is the safest place to do it right now.
On Friday I hired a law firm to help with the Social Security appeal. Hopefully I'll find out who my contact there is today. I'm also waiting to hear back from the insurance guy about some issues with my long term disability. There's so much to do, so little time to do it in, and I'm WAITING. Really, it's a very good thing no one will be taking my blood pressure today.
I think I'm just going to pick a direction and start working. It's not like there aren't piles of crap everywhere you look.
Honestly, I think the Massachusetts part is adding to my stress levels. Mom and Dad have a nice house, and there's certainly room for me to crash there for a while. But other than closing myself in the bedroom, there's not much room for privacy. I'm used to being on my own, and I'm not looking forward to suddenly being in a three person household.
As far as the physical sorting and packing goes, it's pretty overwhelming right now. There's just SO MUCH to do, and I'm not sure what to concentrate on next. It's all complicated by the fact that as much as I want to just have Goodwill come in and haul it all away, I really need whatever cash a sale will bring in. A friend and her son will be coming by tomorrow to help, so maybe I can get some of the stuff that's not likely to sell out of the house. It would be nice to be able to move around without tripping.
Am I blathering? I feel like I'm blathering. But I've got to let some of this out or I'm going to explode. My own blog is the safest place to do it right now.
On Friday I hired a law firm to help with the Social Security appeal. Hopefully I'll find out who my contact there is today. I'm also waiting to hear back from the insurance guy about some issues with my long term disability. There's so much to do, so little time to do it in, and I'm WAITING. Really, it's a very good thing no one will be taking my blood pressure today.
I think I'm just going to pick a direction and start working. It's not like there aren't piles of crap everywhere you look.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart
Today is my anniversary. It's been one year since I purchased my Kindle. I can't believe it's been a year already!
I wanted a Kindle because I thought they were cool. I've never been a big gadget person, but I've always been a reader, and after listening to Sarah over at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books go on and on about ereaders, I was ready to take the plunge.
But what really made the decision for me was J.R Ward's chracktastickh Black Dagger Brotherhood series. I read the first two books while lying on the couch, too miserably sick to move. I finished those books and wanted DESPERATELY to move on to the third book, Z's story. But I couldn't. I didn't have it on my shelf, and I didn't have the physical strength to get up off the couch, go to the bookstore, and buy a copy. I lived by myself at the time (and still will for the next 26 days), so there was no one to send out to the store on an emergency book run. Friends were occasionally helping out by picking up groceries and such for me, and I have a few reader friends who totally would have understood the concept of book as urgent necessity. But I was struggling to accept the grocery thing at that point. I couldn't call up a friend and ask them to go to the bookstore for me. And ordering online would have taken DAYS. At that moment I knew. Someday I was going to have an ereader.
It took another 7 or 8 months for the dream to become reality. I did a TON of research, trying to make sure I picked exactly the right one. I made a pros and cons list between Sony and Kindle. They came up exactly even. (No decision this important is ever easy.) Finally, I went with the Kindle, because that's the one I really, really wanted. I've never regretted my decision.
I was so excited about buying my Kindle that I even sprang for next day shipping- something I never do. I stalked the UPS website all the next day, tracking my package over and over, afraid that it would be delivered to the apartment office and I wouldn't find out until after they'd locked up for the night. The UPS guy finally delivered it around 7 that evening, dumping it outside my door, knocking loudly, and then taking off. But I didn't care, my baby was here!
As much as I love the instant access to more or less any book I want, there's an even bigger benefit that I never would have realized if I hadn't started using an ereader. Holding a book puts stress on the hands and arms. The Kindle is lighter than a hardback and doesn't have to be held open like a paperback. It puts less stress on the body. That might not seem like such a big deal, but to those of us with joint issues, it's a lot. I was amazed at how much less pain I had when I made the switch. Ereaders have the potential to give books back to readers with arthritis, pain issues, or other conditions that affect manual dexterity. You have no idea how huge that is. Health problems can take so much away from you. To not even be able to do something as simple as hold a book can be devastating. Getting that back is worth more than you can imagine.
I celebrated today by reading on the Kindle in a doctor's office, hooked up to an IV. (No emergency- this is routine treatment for me.) I thought about using some of the Amazon gift card credit I have saved up to buy a new book wirelessly from the office, just because I could. But in the end I decided to read one of the 259 books I was carrying around in my purse, all on one little device. Happy Anniversary to me.
I wanted a Kindle because I thought they were cool. I've never been a big gadget person, but I've always been a reader, and after listening to Sarah over at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books go on and on about ereaders, I was ready to take the plunge.
But what really made the decision for me was J.R Ward's chracktastickh Black Dagger Brotherhood series. I read the first two books while lying on the couch, too miserably sick to move. I finished those books and wanted DESPERATELY to move on to the third book, Z's story. But I couldn't. I didn't have it on my shelf, and I didn't have the physical strength to get up off the couch, go to the bookstore, and buy a copy. I lived by myself at the time (and still will for the next 26 days), so there was no one to send out to the store on an emergency book run. Friends were occasionally helping out by picking up groceries and such for me, and I have a few reader friends who totally would have understood the concept of book as urgent necessity. But I was struggling to accept the grocery thing at that point. I couldn't call up a friend and ask them to go to the bookstore for me. And ordering online would have taken DAYS. At that moment I knew. Someday I was going to have an ereader.
It took another 7 or 8 months for the dream to become reality. I did a TON of research, trying to make sure I picked exactly the right one. I made a pros and cons list between Sony and Kindle. They came up exactly even. (No decision this important is ever easy.) Finally, I went with the Kindle, because that's the one I really, really wanted. I've never regretted my decision.
I was so excited about buying my Kindle that I even sprang for next day shipping- something I never do. I stalked the UPS website all the next day, tracking my package over and over, afraid that it would be delivered to the apartment office and I wouldn't find out until after they'd locked up for the night. The UPS guy finally delivered it around 7 that evening, dumping it outside my door, knocking loudly, and then taking off. But I didn't care, my baby was here!
As much as I love the instant access to more or less any book I want, there's an even bigger benefit that I never would have realized if I hadn't started using an ereader. Holding a book puts stress on the hands and arms. The Kindle is lighter than a hardback and doesn't have to be held open like a paperback. It puts less stress on the body. That might not seem like such a big deal, but to those of us with joint issues, it's a lot. I was amazed at how much less pain I had when I made the switch. Ereaders have the potential to give books back to readers with arthritis, pain issues, or other conditions that affect manual dexterity. You have no idea how huge that is. Health problems can take so much away from you. To not even be able to do something as simple as hold a book can be devastating. Getting that back is worth more than you can imagine.
I celebrated today by reading on the Kindle in a doctor's office, hooked up to an IV. (No emergency- this is routine treatment for me.) I thought about using some of the Amazon gift card credit I have saved up to buy a new book wirelessly from the office, just because I could. But in the end I decided to read one of the 259 books I was carrying around in my purse, all on one little device. Happy Anniversary to me.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Twittascope Almost Got It Right
My Twittascope for the day:
"You may feel as if you have been shortchanged and that something is missing in a relationship. But this can be a reflection of residual childhood longings, especially if you're reminiscing about your family, children or a pet. Exploring memories can be helpful to a point, but letting go of sentimental feelings frees you to find real happiness in the here and now."
Substitute "career" for "relationship" and I'd say that's pretty damn accurate. I've always dreamed of being an author, for as far back as I can remember. And I've self-identified as a writer for years even though I've done almost no writing since I got sick.
Lately I've been feeling the pull of the story again. I have the germ of an idea floating around in my head, and I'm dying to take the time to play with it and see where it goes. I've love to take Lucy's Discovery class. If I can pull $180 out my couch cushions, and find a way to not feel guilty about spending it on something like this when my 62 and 70 year old parents are supporting my expensive ass, I am so there.
I've felt this longing for a while now to be writing again. To be creative. But not only is my physical and mental state getting in the way, I've been choked with fear. What if I actually finish my novel this time? What if I send it off and someone actually wants to publish it? And then what if Social Security (which I don't even have yet, by the way) decides that publishing one novel counts as "substantial gainful activity" and dumps me? What the hell am I supposed to do then?
I realize that all this is putting the cart before the horse. In fact, the cart is so far in front of the horse that the horse can't see it anymore. In fact, the cart and the horse may actually be travelling in different directions. But the fear is still paralyzing. What if I accomplish the one thing I've always dreamed of, and in doing so destroy my ability to medically and financially take care of myself? Most authors have day jobs, which I can not do. Once I start, can I produce enough to even minimally support myself if I lose all disability coverage?
If this were a romance novel I'd be the spunky heroine who goes for her dreams no matter what, and in leaping into the void I'd discover my prince charming (who is also a billionaire, possibly Greek, if this is Presents). He'll stand back, ready to catch me if it looks like I'm going to crash and burn, and pull strings with all his business contacts to ensure that my book will be picked up. But it will be so fantastic that everyone wants to publish it on it's own merits. When I discover his back room dealing, and the implied lack of faith in my talent as a writer, I will leave him with much gnashing of teeth and slamming of doors. But I will forgive him completely when he appears with dozens of roses the day my book debuts at number one on the NYT bestseller list, and we'll all live happily, and richly, ever after.
And that is how my Twittascope ties in. That fantasy maybe isn't the way I always dreamed my writing career would go, but it's not far off. (My day dreams have always had more adoring fans than Greek billionaires.) Clearly there's very little fantasy in my life right now. It's all about reality. How am I going to pay for this, where am I going to live, how am I going to do everything that needs to be done in the next month. One of the realities I need to figure out is: how am I going to incorporate fiction writing back into my life? Clearly I need it.
"You may feel as if you have been shortchanged and that something is missing in a relationship. But this can be a reflection of residual childhood longings, especially if you're reminiscing about your family, children or a pet. Exploring memories can be helpful to a point, but letting go of sentimental feelings frees you to find real happiness in the here and now."
Substitute "career" for "relationship" and I'd say that's pretty damn accurate. I've always dreamed of being an author, for as far back as I can remember. And I've self-identified as a writer for years even though I've done almost no writing since I got sick.
Lately I've been feeling the pull of the story again. I have the germ of an idea floating around in my head, and I'm dying to take the time to play with it and see where it goes. I've love to take Lucy's Discovery class. If I can pull $180 out my couch cushions, and find a way to not feel guilty about spending it on something like this when my 62 and 70 year old parents are supporting my expensive ass, I am so there.
I've felt this longing for a while now to be writing again. To be creative. But not only is my physical and mental state getting in the way, I've been choked with fear. What if I actually finish my novel this time? What if I send it off and someone actually wants to publish it? And then what if Social Security (which I don't even have yet, by the way) decides that publishing one novel counts as "substantial gainful activity" and dumps me? What the hell am I supposed to do then?
I realize that all this is putting the cart before the horse. In fact, the cart is so far in front of the horse that the horse can't see it anymore. In fact, the cart and the horse may actually be travelling in different directions. But the fear is still paralyzing. What if I accomplish the one thing I've always dreamed of, and in doing so destroy my ability to medically and financially take care of myself? Most authors have day jobs, which I can not do. Once I start, can I produce enough to even minimally support myself if I lose all disability coverage?
If this were a romance novel I'd be the spunky heroine who goes for her dreams no matter what, and in leaping into the void I'd discover my prince charming (who is also a billionaire, possibly Greek, if this is Presents). He'll stand back, ready to catch me if it looks like I'm going to crash and burn, and pull strings with all his business contacts to ensure that my book will be picked up. But it will be so fantastic that everyone wants to publish it on it's own merits. When I discover his back room dealing, and the implied lack of faith in my talent as a writer, I will leave him with much gnashing of teeth and slamming of doors. But I will forgive him completely when he appears with dozens of roses the day my book debuts at number one on the NYT bestseller list, and we'll all live happily, and richly, ever after.
And that is how my Twittascope ties in. That fantasy maybe isn't the way I always dreamed my writing career would go, but it's not far off. (My day dreams have always had more adoring fans than Greek billionaires.) Clearly there's very little fantasy in my life right now. It's all about reality. How am I going to pay for this, where am I going to live, how am I going to do everything that needs to be done in the next month. One of the realities I need to figure out is: how am I going to incorporate fiction writing back into my life? Clearly I need it.
Monday, August 02, 2010
Finally, Some Good News!
There are many reasons I'm going to be sad to leave Texas. I'll miss my best friend and her baby, my critique partners, my doctors, even my gym with the special water arthritis classes. I'm going to miss living on my own, and I'm flat out going to miss Texas. My family moved around a lot when I was a kid, and Texas is the only place I ever chose for myself. But now there's one thing I won't have to miss.
Blue Bell ice cream started off as a small, local creamery. They make The Best Ice Cream Ever, amen. For a long time you could only get Blue Bell in Texas. Back when airline security was less of a hassle, I'd pack a cooler with Blue Bell and dry ice and take it with me on visits to my parents' house, because my dad missed it so much. Once, as I put the cooler on the belt to be scanned, the security guy looked at me and said, "Blue Bell, huh?" I guess I wasn't the only one taking pints of creamy goodness to loved ones far away.
Apparently, while I've been happily living in Texas and eating all the Blue Bell I could hold, they've been slowly growing their market. I was on their website checking the availability of a special seasonal flavor (Summer Berries- so yum!), when I came across this little announcement. Blue Bell is opening a distribution center in Indianapolis! Wahoo! When ever I get homesick I can search the couch cushions for change and then run to the store for a little taste of home.
Blue Bell ice cream started off as a small, local creamery. They make The Best Ice Cream Ever, amen. For a long time you could only get Blue Bell in Texas. Back when airline security was less of a hassle, I'd pack a cooler with Blue Bell and dry ice and take it with me on visits to my parents' house, because my dad missed it so much. Once, as I put the cooler on the belt to be scanned, the security guy looked at me and said, "Blue Bell, huh?" I guess I wasn't the only one taking pints of creamy goodness to loved ones far away.
Apparently, while I've been happily living in Texas and eating all the Blue Bell I could hold, they've been slowly growing their market. I was on their website checking the availability of a special seasonal flavor (Summer Berries- so yum!), when I came across this little announcement. Blue Bell is opening a distribution center in Indianapolis! Wahoo! When ever I get homesick I can search the couch cushions for change and then run to the store for a little taste of home.
Friday, July 30, 2010
So Bad I Won't Give You The Title
I'm happy to say I finally finished the boring book I've been dragging through for the last week. I don't know why I insisted on finishing the damn thing. I'm getting better about setting aside books that don't grab my attention. Life is too short for dull books. But old bad habits die hard.
The biggest problem with this one was there was no conflict, no ratcheting up of the tension as the book progressed. Which is kind of weird considering it was about a small band of friends trying to stop a demon horde from invading their small town. Seems like there'd be plenty of conflict and tension there, doesn't it? But it didn't play out on the page. The two main characters meet and are instantly in love. No internal conflict for either of them, nothing external to prevent them getting together. Well, they can't be together forever because he's only on Earth for a week, but that doesn't stop either of them from taking the plunge. It leads to lots of internal dialog, but not much actual tension. The time lock- he only has a week to stop the demon invasion- should have amped things up, but it didn't. The only consequence if he fails is that he goes back to limbo, where it's eternally boring. His prize for defeating the demons is to go on to heaven, where he doesn't show any great desire to be, either. He pays lip service to wanting to win, but there's no sense of urgency, no life or death consequences.
Another major problem is that until the final battle they never really succeed or fail. There are a half dozen battles with the demons leading up to the climax. In each one the good guys get weaker and the lead bad guy gets stronger, and yet each time the battle comes to a draw. The swordsman keeps freaking missing every time he swings. The hero keeps running out of magical powers half way through the fight. And yet they never try a new strategy. They go to where the demons are, they fight for a while, they all go home. Rinse, repeat. The stakes are never increased, although I guess when you start off with the fate of the world hanging in the balance, it's hard to go up from there. The whole thing was just very blah and flat. If demon invasions are boring you know the author is doing something wrong. And then in the final battle scene they still do pretty much exactly what they've done all along, except the heroine grabs the sword (which she was told not to do because anyone but the swordsman would die from handling it) and she kills the demon. The dude who has centuries of training can't kill the demon, but the girl who's never touched a sword manages it with one swing. And the magic sword doesn't kill her. If I weren't reading on my Kindle I would have been forced to fling the book against the wall at that point. I hate it when an author sets up rules for their world and then violates them when they get inconvenient. At that point everyone but the heroine is dead, except SURPRISE! they aren't. And then she wraps up with something so magnificently cheese-tastic that I'm pretty sure I've seen it on at least half a dozen different cartoons.
Really, it was that terrible. I'm so glad I get to read something else now!
The biggest problem with this one was there was no conflict, no ratcheting up of the tension as the book progressed. Which is kind of weird considering it was about a small band of friends trying to stop a demon horde from invading their small town. Seems like there'd be plenty of conflict and tension there, doesn't it? But it didn't play out on the page. The two main characters meet and are instantly in love. No internal conflict for either of them, nothing external to prevent them getting together. Well, they can't be together forever because he's only on Earth for a week, but that doesn't stop either of them from taking the plunge. It leads to lots of internal dialog, but not much actual tension. The time lock- he only has a week to stop the demon invasion- should have amped things up, but it didn't. The only consequence if he fails is that he goes back to limbo, where it's eternally boring. His prize for defeating the demons is to go on to heaven, where he doesn't show any great desire to be, either. He pays lip service to wanting to win, but there's no sense of urgency, no life or death consequences.
Another major problem is that until the final battle they never really succeed or fail. There are a half dozen battles with the demons leading up to the climax. In each one the good guys get weaker and the lead bad guy gets stronger, and yet each time the battle comes to a draw. The swordsman keeps freaking missing every time he swings. The hero keeps running out of magical powers half way through the fight. And yet they never try a new strategy. They go to where the demons are, they fight for a while, they all go home. Rinse, repeat. The stakes are never increased, although I guess when you start off with the fate of the world hanging in the balance, it's hard to go up from there. The whole thing was just very blah and flat. If demon invasions are boring you know the author is doing something wrong. And then in the final battle scene they still do pretty much exactly what they've done all along, except the heroine grabs the sword (which she was told not to do because anyone but the swordsman would die from handling it) and she kills the demon. The dude who has centuries of training can't kill the demon, but the girl who's never touched a sword manages it with one swing. And the magic sword doesn't kill her. If I weren't reading on my Kindle I would have been forced to fling the book against the wall at that point. I hate it when an author sets up rules for their world and then violates them when they get inconvenient. At that point everyone but the heroine is dead, except SURPRISE! they aren't. And then she wraps up with something so magnificently cheese-tastic that I'm pretty sure I've seen it on at least half a dozen different cartoons.
Really, it was that terrible. I'm so glad I get to read something else now!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
10 More Good Things
The 10 Good Things post was such a nice, positive change of pace that I decided to do it again. It's taken me even longer to come up with ten things this time ("today" means the day I wrote it, not necessarily the day this was posted), but I finally found them all!
1. I bought two books today! Fictionwise tweeted a discount code, and using that I was able to buy two books with my micropay account- Made to Be Broken by Kelley Armstrong and Rules Were Made to Be Broken by Lenore Black. You'll notice that the two titles are similar. I've had my eye on Made to Be Broken for a while now, and every time I looked it up, Rules poped up, too. The cover caught my eye because it reminds me a lot of the cover for Mine to Take by Dara Joy. So I read the sample, and it looked pretty good. A m/m romcom about friends turned lovers (one of my favorite tropes), possibly with some bondage. Works for me! And now I've used up all but $.03 of my micropay. It's such a relief. I know it's weird, but that credit just sitting there was stressing me out.
2. I drove to the Med Center for a doctor's appointment today, and although it sprinkled a bit off and on, there was no flooding or heavy rain. That trip easily takes me 45 minutes in good weather with light traffic. Bad weather, heavy traffic, or flooding can double or triple it.
3. My appointment went well. I had to tell my GI about my insurance situation, and that I'm moving. It's silly, but I was kind of worried that she might blow me off since I'm not going to be her patient for much longer. But she was totally understanding. She's working with me to be sure that I'm in the best condition possible before leaving the practice, and she's going to look through her directory to find a good GI for me up north. She's going to check Indianapolis, but she's also looking into Cleveland Clinic, which is a bit of a drive, but possibly worth it for their excellent IBD program. (Inflammatory Bowel Disease- ie Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis)
4. I went to the grocery store when I got back to my side of town and bought some Summer Berry ice cream from Blue Bell. I've been making ice cream floats with that and Sprite. It's wrong how good they are. Lemon ice cream with raspberry swirls and chunks of strawberry and blueberry, floating in lemon/lime soda. I think I may have one now.
5. When I was at the grocery store I discovered that my favorite toilet paper is on special! I got 24 double rolls of aloe and E tp for $9.98. As a toilet paper connoisseur, let me assure you, that's a deal. If I weren't moving in 6 weeks or so I'd go back and stock up some more.
6. I finally finished the baby hat I started a week or so ago. There's a Girl Scout here in Houston who is knitting and collecting 100 baby hats for an area hospital. I have a ton of baby yarn, and they don't take long to knit (as long as you're actually, you know, knitting on it), plus most hat patterns are pretty mindless, so I said I'd do a few. I've already started a second hat. (And now a couple days later I've finished the second and third hats, and I'm working on a fourth.)
7. I emptied 2 boxes today! A small pile of clothes get to move to the sell/donate pile, and a big bag of trash is now at the front door waiting to be hauled out. I'm getting better at this letting go stuff. Most of that bag of trash is stuff I would have kept a month ago, like old high school literary magazines and class pictures from elementary school. Good bye!
8. Here's another slightly weird one, but I'm truly grateful for it: Crystal deodorant stick. This stuff is like a miracle. A combination of the miserable heat and changed body chemistry from all my meds has made finding a deodorant problematic for me in the last few years. Not only do I get smelly easily, but something in the deodorants I'd been using was causing rashes and miserable itching. With Crystal? No itching, no odor. And no flowery perfume smells, either. (Which may have been part of the problem with the itching.) My arm pits now smell like nothing but clean arm pits for up to 24 hours. It's amazing. And the product itself is kind of interesting. Basically, it's a smooth hunk of crystal (hence the name). You have to dampen it, and then you rub it under your arms just like you would any other deodorant. The company website says it runs $6.99 and lasts up to a year. I can believe it! I grabbed mine on sale at Walgreens for $2.99 a couple weeks ago. After being burned by another pricey product I wasn't interested in spending a bundle for another experiment. (Tom's of Maine. Terrible stuff. Not only did my pits still stink, but each pit was producing it's own distinct odor, both of them vile.) But Crystal really works for me, and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anyone, especially anyone with sensitivities or health issues.
9. I'm really enjoying the new season of The Closer. And since they have the new episodes available on the TNT website, I'll still be able to watch it when I cancel my cable tomorrow. (I was going to cancel today, but I decided to wait a few more hours so I could catch the new episode.)
10. My critique group! Knowing that we're all brainstorming for future stories, and that I won't be around much longer, we've switched from every other or every third week meetings to every week. It's so great to get out of the house for a couple hours and chat with friends, even if I'm totally worn out afterwards. And there is always much laughing and telling of stories. I'm amazed how much stuff we manage to accomplish in between the off-topic chatter.
1. I bought two books today! Fictionwise tweeted a discount code, and using that I was able to buy two books with my micropay account- Made to Be Broken by Kelley Armstrong and Rules Were Made to Be Broken by Lenore Black. You'll notice that the two titles are similar. I've had my eye on Made to Be Broken for a while now, and every time I looked it up, Rules poped up, too. The cover caught my eye because it reminds me a lot of the cover for Mine to Take by Dara Joy. So I read the sample, and it looked pretty good. A m/m romcom about friends turned lovers (one of my favorite tropes), possibly with some bondage. Works for me! And now I've used up all but $.03 of my micropay. It's such a relief. I know it's weird, but that credit just sitting there was stressing me out.
2. I drove to the Med Center for a doctor's appointment today, and although it sprinkled a bit off and on, there was no flooding or heavy rain. That trip easily takes me 45 minutes in good weather with light traffic. Bad weather, heavy traffic, or flooding can double or triple it.
3. My appointment went well. I had to tell my GI about my insurance situation, and that I'm moving. It's silly, but I was kind of worried that she might blow me off since I'm not going to be her patient for much longer. But she was totally understanding. She's working with me to be sure that I'm in the best condition possible before leaving the practice, and she's going to look through her directory to find a good GI for me up north. She's going to check Indianapolis, but she's also looking into Cleveland Clinic, which is a bit of a drive, but possibly worth it for their excellent IBD program. (Inflammatory Bowel Disease- ie Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis)
4. I went to the grocery store when I got back to my side of town and bought some Summer Berry ice cream from Blue Bell. I've been making ice cream floats with that and Sprite. It's wrong how good they are. Lemon ice cream with raspberry swirls and chunks of strawberry and blueberry, floating in lemon/lime soda. I think I may have one now.
5. When I was at the grocery store I discovered that my favorite toilet paper is on special! I got 24 double rolls of aloe and E tp for $9.98. As a toilet paper connoisseur, let me assure you, that's a deal. If I weren't moving in 6 weeks or so I'd go back and stock up some more.
6. I finally finished the baby hat I started a week or so ago. There's a Girl Scout here in Houston who is knitting and collecting 100 baby hats for an area hospital. I have a ton of baby yarn, and they don't take long to knit (as long as you're actually, you know, knitting on it), plus most hat patterns are pretty mindless, so I said I'd do a few. I've already started a second hat. (And now a couple days later I've finished the second and third hats, and I'm working on a fourth.)
7. I emptied 2 boxes today! A small pile of clothes get to move to the sell/donate pile, and a big bag of trash is now at the front door waiting to be hauled out. I'm getting better at this letting go stuff. Most of that bag of trash is stuff I would have kept a month ago, like old high school literary magazines and class pictures from elementary school. Good bye!
8. Here's another slightly weird one, but I'm truly grateful for it: Crystal deodorant stick. This stuff is like a miracle. A combination of the miserable heat and changed body chemistry from all my meds has made finding a deodorant problematic for me in the last few years. Not only do I get smelly easily, but something in the deodorants I'd been using was causing rashes and miserable itching. With Crystal? No itching, no odor. And no flowery perfume smells, either. (Which may have been part of the problem with the itching.) My arm pits now smell like nothing but clean arm pits for up to 24 hours. It's amazing. And the product itself is kind of interesting. Basically, it's a smooth hunk of crystal (hence the name). You have to dampen it, and then you rub it under your arms just like you would any other deodorant. The company website says it runs $6.99 and lasts up to a year. I can believe it! I grabbed mine on sale at Walgreens for $2.99 a couple weeks ago. After being burned by another pricey product I wasn't interested in spending a bundle for another experiment. (Tom's of Maine. Terrible stuff. Not only did my pits still stink, but each pit was producing it's own distinct odor, both of them vile.) But Crystal really works for me, and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anyone, especially anyone with sensitivities or health issues.
9. I'm really enjoying the new season of The Closer. And since they have the new episodes available on the TNT website, I'll still be able to watch it when I cancel my cable tomorrow. (I was going to cancel today, but I decided to wait a few more hours so I could catch the new episode.)
10. My critique group! Knowing that we're all brainstorming for future stories, and that I won't be around much longer, we've switched from every other or every third week meetings to every week. It's so great to get out of the house for a couple hours and chat with friends, even if I'm totally worn out afterwards. And there is always much laughing and telling of stories. I'm amazed how much stuff we manage to accomplish in between the off-topic chatter.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Very Sad
I know with all the stuff going on in my life that this is very minor, but I'm still sad. I just canceled my cable service. *sniffle* I really can't afford it any more. I only held on this long to catch the season finale of Doctor Who. But it's still a sad day for me. My TV is old and crappy, definitely not digital, so no local channels either. I'll be a strictly Netflix and internet girl for the next month.
And now if you'll excuse me, I need to quick watch this week's episodes of The Closer, Leverage, and Drop Dead Diva before the DVR is deactivated.
And now if you'll excuse me, I need to quick watch this week's episodes of The Closer, Leverage, and Drop Dead Diva before the DVR is deactivated.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The One
The impossible has finally happened. I'm in love. Check out this beautiful, beautiful house!
Isn't it darling? It's one of the tiny houses designed by the Tumbleweed Tiny House Company. I've been intrigued by their houses since I saw a story about them on TV a week or two ago. The one profiled on TV was really tiny, around 100 square feet. The itty bitty ones are on wheels and can be hauled anywhere. The one above, called The Whidbey, is quite a bit bigger at 461 to 557 square feet, depending on the exact model, and is stationary. But the principles of tiny house living are still applied. What I like about this design is that it's clean and compact, but still has a lot of old fashioned charm. And on the practical side, the bedroom is on the first floor instead of a sleeping loft accessed by a ladder or a full bedroom up a flight of stairs. (A ladder or stairs aren't the best choices for me.) The larger, two bedroom model would be absolutely perfect. The windows on the front surround bedroom number one, which would be an ideal office. The second bedroom, on the back of the house, has a small bench seat under a window between two closets, and I've always wanted a window seat.
The Loring, with it's sweet little porch, is also cute enough to stick in your pocket. It's quite a bit smaller than The Whidbey at 261 to 356 square feet. But the larger model would still be a practical choice for me, with the bump out bedroom on the first floor. The only drawback for this style is that there is no separate space for an office- I'd have to set up a desk either in the main room or bedroom. But it still has the window seat in the bedroom.
This is all just a fantasy, of course. I have no money to build a house, tiny or otherwise. Although at an estimated materials cost of $31,000 for the larger Loring and $41,500 for the larger Whidbey, these homes would be very economical to build. And while I'm dreaming, I'd check into adding solar panels. The company advertises utility costs of as little as $65 per year, although I'm sure that is for the smaller wheeled houses. (Can you imagine? My electric bill due next week is $168, and that's for one month!)
I might be the only person in the world who, if she won the lottery, would rush out and build a smaller house. But can you blame me when the designs are so adorable and perfect?
Friday, July 23, 2010
Manic Panic
Today I had a bit of a freak out. I think everything just backed up on me a bit. I'm reminded of how I'd feel sometimes in the high drama college years. Back in those days I had a way of dealing with the high stress moments and let off steam: I'd do something to my hair.
Sometimes it involved scissors, but usually it was hair dye. My hair has been every color found in nature and a few God never intended. For a while I gravitated to the reds, mostly a natural-ish auburn that actually really worked with my skin tone. And then there was that one experiment with henna that left me with Ronald McDonald red hair. It also left my head smelling like over cooked spinach for at least a week. When I needed a funky little pick me up it was a stripe of Manic Panic. A vibrant lime green and an electric blue were two favorites.
As I got older and into the working world, radical hair colors weren't something I could get away with anymore. So instead of the color I started playing with the cut. I was always either growing it out or whacking it off. Usually it looked like hell.
With my new, curly hair I'm reluctant to take scissors to it. I'm afraid I'll end up looking like a graying Little Orphan Annie. There for a while I was getting it professionally highlighted, and although it looked good, like I had a real, grown-up hair style (and about damn time according to my mother), it didn't give me the same stress relief that the old "buy a box of hair color and strap on the latex gloves" did. Plus, it's insanely expensive, and I just can't afford it anymore. But a bottle of Manic Panic should be less than $10, I can apply it myself without help, and there is a Hot Topic conveniently down the street where I can buy some.
So here's my question. If you saw a 300 lbs, mid-thirties woman with a streak of purple or green or blue mixed in with the gray and the half-grown-out highlights, what would you think? "You go girl" or "give it up already"? I'm in a weird, in between stage of my life right now. I'm not in the corporate world anymore, so I don't have a boss to please. My personal style floats somewhere between modern hippie and slob. I aspire to an earth mother vibe, but I'm not sure I achieve it. I'd really like to throw a stripe in, but I just don't know if I can pull it off anymore.
What do you think- radical color, yes or no?
Sometimes it involved scissors, but usually it was hair dye. My hair has been every color found in nature and a few God never intended. For a while I gravitated to the reds, mostly a natural-ish auburn that actually really worked with my skin tone. And then there was that one experiment with henna that left me with Ronald McDonald red hair. It also left my head smelling like over cooked spinach for at least a week. When I needed a funky little pick me up it was a stripe of Manic Panic. A vibrant lime green and an electric blue were two favorites.
As I got older and into the working world, radical hair colors weren't something I could get away with anymore. So instead of the color I started playing with the cut. I was always either growing it out or whacking it off. Usually it looked like hell.
With my new, curly hair I'm reluctant to take scissors to it. I'm afraid I'll end up looking like a graying Little Orphan Annie. There for a while I was getting it professionally highlighted, and although it looked good, like I had a real, grown-up hair style (and about damn time according to my mother), it didn't give me the same stress relief that the old "buy a box of hair color and strap on the latex gloves" did. Plus, it's insanely expensive, and I just can't afford it anymore. But a bottle of Manic Panic should be less than $10, I can apply it myself without help, and there is a Hot Topic conveniently down the street where I can buy some.
So here's my question. If you saw a 300 lbs, mid-thirties woman with a streak of purple or green or blue mixed in with the gray and the half-grown-out highlights, what would you think? "You go girl" or "give it up already"? I'm in a weird, in between stage of my life right now. I'm not in the corporate world anymore, so I don't have a boss to please. My personal style floats somewhere between modern hippie and slob. I aspire to an earth mother vibe, but I'm not sure I achieve it. I'd really like to throw a stripe in, but I just don't know if I can pull it off anymore.
What do you think- radical color, yes or no?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
10 Good Things
I've been a bit of a Debbie Downer lately. I'm even starting to bore myself. So I decided to do something positive- a list of 10 Good Things. I'm sorry to say it took me two whole days to come up with this list, but I finally thought of ten of them!
1. I sold a cooler full of books at Half Price today and earned $14. Yay!
2. While I was waiting for my offer I picked up a book and read a few pages of Lois McMaster Bujold. That's always a happy thing.
3. I took a 2 hour nap this morning and woke up feeling better, more refreshed.
4. The actual temperature was cooler today (although the humidity was high, so it was still pretty miserable outside), which means the apartment stayed cooler and the a/c didn't have to run as much. Hooray for saving a buck!
5. I had Arby's for dinner. Yum!
6. There are NO DIRTY DISHES IN THE KITCHEN. I'm not sure that's ever happened before. It's a miracle!
7. I made jello for tomorrow. Now not only do I get yummy, yummy jello, but I've removed 2 things from the pantry- a box of jello and a can of peaches. And I've used up part of a third item- the bag of mini marshmallows.
8. Last night before bed I wrote a short final scene for the new book that's been knocking around in my head. I still don't know what the mystery is about, or what the characters' names are, or even much about what they look like. But it felt good to get those few first (last) words on the page.
9. It's taken me almost a week, but I've finally committed to letting my yearbooks go. I really don't want them, have no interest in looking at them again, so why keep them? I'm half tempted to pull them out now that I've decided to let them go, but I won't. When my friend's son comes over to haul stuff around for me I'm going to have him carry the box straight out to the car and take them to Half Price Books with everything else.
10. After much flailing around I decided to try contacting my senator to see if they can help me with my Social Security situation. (It's impossible to sum it up briefly if you haven't been following along. But bottom line, I'm on a 12 month waiting list for the next level of appeal, and my current insurance will run out at midnight August 31st if I haven't been approved.) I did a little bit of research and discovered that one of my senators is on the Finance committee, which is responsible for the Social Security Act and also on the Health Care subcommittee. Yay! I don't expect his office to step in and make anyone approve my application. But if I could get bumped up the queue because of the urgency of my insurance situation, that would be amazingly fantastic. I just want a fighting chance to get approved before time runs out. Right now I'm actually considering no insurance at all as being a smarter health and financial choice than an insanely expensive plan that may cover nothing for the first 12 months and little after that. The fact that someone with two chronic health problems, one of which could become fatal without proper treatment, is possibly considering no coverage at all as the smart option is completely insane. It's the reality of health care in this country.
Well, I got a little off track there with item #10. I can ride that hobby horse for days if no one stops me. (Anyone who's read more than a post or two is nodding right now. "Yes, Becky, we've noticed.") But overall I'm very happy to have found ten good things. I think I'm going to have to make this a regular feature. Lately it's been hard to see any good things as I've crashed from one disaster to another. But they're out there. They're out there.
1. I sold a cooler full of books at Half Price today and earned $14. Yay!
2. While I was waiting for my offer I picked up a book and read a few pages of Lois McMaster Bujold. That's always a happy thing.
3. I took a 2 hour nap this morning and woke up feeling better, more refreshed.
4. The actual temperature was cooler today (although the humidity was high, so it was still pretty miserable outside), which means the apartment stayed cooler and the a/c didn't have to run as much. Hooray for saving a buck!
5. I had Arby's for dinner. Yum!
6. There are NO DIRTY DISHES IN THE KITCHEN. I'm not sure that's ever happened before. It's a miracle!
7. I made jello for tomorrow. Now not only do I get yummy, yummy jello, but I've removed 2 things from the pantry- a box of jello and a can of peaches. And I've used up part of a third item- the bag of mini marshmallows.
8. Last night before bed I wrote a short final scene for the new book that's been knocking around in my head. I still don't know what the mystery is about, or what the characters' names are, or even much about what they look like. But it felt good to get those few first (last) words on the page.
9. It's taken me almost a week, but I've finally committed to letting my yearbooks go. I really don't want them, have no interest in looking at them again, so why keep them? I'm half tempted to pull them out now that I've decided to let them go, but I won't. When my friend's son comes over to haul stuff around for me I'm going to have him carry the box straight out to the car and take them to Half Price Books with everything else.
10. After much flailing around I decided to try contacting my senator to see if they can help me with my Social Security situation. (It's impossible to sum it up briefly if you haven't been following along. But bottom line, I'm on a 12 month waiting list for the next level of appeal, and my current insurance will run out at midnight August 31st if I haven't been approved.) I did a little bit of research and discovered that one of my senators is on the Finance committee, which is responsible for the Social Security Act and also on the Health Care subcommittee. Yay! I don't expect his office to step in and make anyone approve my application. But if I could get bumped up the queue because of the urgency of my insurance situation, that would be amazingly fantastic. I just want a fighting chance to get approved before time runs out. Right now I'm actually considering no insurance at all as being a smarter health and financial choice than an insanely expensive plan that may cover nothing for the first 12 months and little after that. The fact that someone with two chronic health problems, one of which could become fatal without proper treatment, is possibly considering no coverage at all as the smart option is completely insane. It's the reality of health care in this country.
Well, I got a little off track there with item #10. I can ride that hobby horse for days if no one stops me. (Anyone who's read more than a post or two is nodding right now. "Yes, Becky, we've noticed.") But overall I'm very happy to have found ten good things. I think I'm going to have to make this a regular feature. Lately it's been hard to see any good things as I've crashed from one disaster to another. But they're out there. They're out there.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I don't want it but...
Why do we get so attached to stuff? I started off strong, but in the last 24 hours or so I've started having doubts. Do I really want to get rid of this? I haven't looked at/used/remembered I even had this for who knows how long, but now that it comes down to it, I'm having second thoughts. Some of it I'm wondering about for myself, and some of it is more about my mother. Or maybe she's just the excuse.
The first place I started second guessing myself is my DVD collection. I've been racking up the Amazon gift cards quickly with their trade in program. But then I start to think, "But Mom gave this to me. She's going to want to know where it is. What if she wants to watch it?" Why would she know or care what movies I have? But still I waffle. Other items I've worried about getting rid of because of Mom are my security blanket (I'm 35 for cripes sake! Why do I still have my security blanket?), a couple of cameras, and a bunch of Candle-lite stuff that she gave me. The smart, mature thing to do if I'm so worried about how she's going to feel about me getting rid of this stuff would be to ask her. But I'm afraid if I remind her of this stuff, which I'm 99% sure she hasn't even thought of in years, she'll have a fit and want me to keep it all. And then I have to deal with it. If I just get rid of it she'll probably never even notice. But that feels cowardly or dishonest or something, even though it's all my stuff and I should be able to do anything I want with it.
The other things that I feel stupid about waffling over are my high school year books. I haven't looked at them in probably 10 years. I have no desire to look at them now. Plus they're heavy as hell, and I don't want to haul them out to the car and then from the car into the new house. To be honest, I'm fairly sure I couldn't pick up the box even if I wanted to. That ought to make it easier to let them go. And yet, I still feel weird about not keeping them.
I think maybe I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed by all the decisions. I've gotten to the point where I actually kind of like the idea of trashing it all and starting fresh. But it's a lot of work. And the pain and fatigue caused by the increased activity make it harder to deal with rationally, too. I'm not sleeping well AT ALL, and the pain is bad. I can't wait for this all to be over and done with.
The first place I started second guessing myself is my DVD collection. I've been racking up the Amazon gift cards quickly with their trade in program. But then I start to think, "But Mom gave this to me. She's going to want to know where it is. What if she wants to watch it?" Why would she know or care what movies I have? But still I waffle. Other items I've worried about getting rid of because of Mom are my security blanket (I'm 35 for cripes sake! Why do I still have my security blanket?), a couple of cameras, and a bunch of Candle-lite stuff that she gave me. The smart, mature thing to do if I'm so worried about how she's going to feel about me getting rid of this stuff would be to ask her. But I'm afraid if I remind her of this stuff, which I'm 99% sure she hasn't even thought of in years, she'll have a fit and want me to keep it all. And then I have to deal with it. If I just get rid of it she'll probably never even notice. But that feels cowardly or dishonest or something, even though it's all my stuff and I should be able to do anything I want with it.
The other things that I feel stupid about waffling over are my high school year books. I haven't looked at them in probably 10 years. I have no desire to look at them now. Plus they're heavy as hell, and I don't want to haul them out to the car and then from the car into the new house. To be honest, I'm fairly sure I couldn't pick up the box even if I wanted to. That ought to make it easier to let them go. And yet, I still feel weird about not keeping them.
I think maybe I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed by all the decisions. I've gotten to the point where I actually kind of like the idea of trashing it all and starting fresh. But it's a lot of work. And the pain and fatigue caused by the increased activity make it harder to deal with rationally, too. I'm not sleeping well AT ALL, and the pain is bad. I can't wait for this all to be over and done with.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Time For a Break
The news of the moving front is too depressing for words, so I'm not going to talk about that tonight. Instead I want to talk about books.
Books, glorious books! They're my happy place all the time, but especially when someone else's fictional world is a better place to be than my real one.
Over the weekend I started Naked Dragon by Annette Blair. I was really looking forward to this one because 1) the premise sounded cool, and 2) I liked the cover. (Forgive me, I'm shallow.) Major disappointment. There are some authors whose style I just don't like, and it looks like Blair is one of them. I read something else of hers a couple years ago, and that one didn't do it for me, either. I got about 60 pages in on this one and quit. Weird, silly stuff was happening, and I'm just not into that. I like silly sometimes, but not random, unmotivated silly. There has to be a point to the joke, some motivation to the action, no matter how obscure, or it's a waste of story space. (Like when the hero crash lands into modern Salem, and he's laying on the ground, stunned and blinking, and a skunk climbs up on his chest and sprays him in the face. Really? Why was that necessary? It wasn't even funny!)
My second problem with the book is harder to explain. Every once in a while I come across an author whose writing doesn't connect with my brain. It's like I'm looking through a window smeared with vaseline. Everything is distorted and out of focus, and nothing makes sense. It's all unclear. Other people seem to like these authors, even though I find myself scratching my head and wondering why. If I spent some time dissecting these books when they come along I could probably figure out why they don't work for me, but the truth is I don't care that much. I just throw them back and move on.
So, moving on. The next book I started was Stranded With a Spy by Merline Lovelace. This was one of the first freebies I grabbed for my Kindle, and a year later I'm finally getting around to it. It's all a little glam for my tastes, but otherwise an unobjectionable way to spend a few hours. (At least, so far. I haven't finished it yet.) I have come across one problem, though. The hero is telling the heroine about his time in the army, and he mentions IEDs. When she doesn't know what that is (which is a pretty serious stretch for anyone these days, let alone someone who worked for a senator and ought to be plugged in to current events), the hero explains that it's an Individual Explosive Device. Whoops. That boing! sound you heard was me getting bounced out of the story. I went back later and read a little more, and I'm still... well, enjoying might be too strong a word, but I'm still interested enough to see what happens next. I can't guarantee this one won't get thrown back too, though, if any more egregious mistakes pop up.
I'm also reading The Vorkosigan Companion, which is quite entertaining so far. But I'm a Bujold geek, and a writing geek, and a behind-the-scenes geek, so this hits a lot of buttons for me. Also, completely unrelated to the quality of the material, this is one of the books I'm considering sending in for the Amazon trade-in program (I've already made a pretty penny in gift certificates sending off all the books I'm not going to have room for in another month), and the trade-in price keeps ping ponging back and forth between something in the $4 range and $.25. I'll send it to them for $4, once I'm done reading it. But if all they want to give me is $.25 for it, I'll take my chances at Half Price Books. At least with them you're getting cash, so I can spend my $.25 anywhere I want. (Although I'm hoarding these gift certificates like a dragon hoards gold. It's the only way I'm going to be able to buy the new Crusie coming out at the end of August, and the new Raybourn coming out in October, and the new Bujold coming out in November!)
And because that's just not enough books, and because I've been reading about Miles (my literary boyfriend) in the Companion anyway, I'm also listening to the audio version of A Civil Campaign by Lois McMaster Bujold, read by Grover Gardner. He does such a great job with this series.
So, that's how I'm dealing with reality right now. One book at a time.
Books, glorious books! They're my happy place all the time, but especially when someone else's fictional world is a better place to be than my real one.
Over the weekend I started Naked Dragon by Annette Blair. I was really looking forward to this one because 1) the premise sounded cool, and 2) I liked the cover. (Forgive me, I'm shallow.) Major disappointment. There are some authors whose style I just don't like, and it looks like Blair is one of them. I read something else of hers a couple years ago, and that one didn't do it for me, either. I got about 60 pages in on this one and quit. Weird, silly stuff was happening, and I'm just not into that. I like silly sometimes, but not random, unmotivated silly. There has to be a point to the joke, some motivation to the action, no matter how obscure, or it's a waste of story space. (Like when the hero crash lands into modern Salem, and he's laying on the ground, stunned and blinking, and a skunk climbs up on his chest and sprays him in the face. Really? Why was that necessary? It wasn't even funny!)
My second problem with the book is harder to explain. Every once in a while I come across an author whose writing doesn't connect with my brain. It's like I'm looking through a window smeared with vaseline. Everything is distorted and out of focus, and nothing makes sense. It's all unclear. Other people seem to like these authors, even though I find myself scratching my head and wondering why. If I spent some time dissecting these books when they come along I could probably figure out why they don't work for me, but the truth is I don't care that much. I just throw them back and move on.
So, moving on. The next book I started was Stranded With a Spy by Merline Lovelace. This was one of the first freebies I grabbed for my Kindle, and a year later I'm finally getting around to it. It's all a little glam for my tastes, but otherwise an unobjectionable way to spend a few hours. (At least, so far. I haven't finished it yet.) I have come across one problem, though. The hero is telling the heroine about his time in the army, and he mentions IEDs. When she doesn't know what that is (which is a pretty serious stretch for anyone these days, let alone someone who worked for a senator and ought to be plugged in to current events), the hero explains that it's an Individual Explosive Device. Whoops. That boing! sound you heard was me getting bounced out of the story. I went back later and read a little more, and I'm still... well, enjoying might be too strong a word, but I'm still interested enough to see what happens next. I can't guarantee this one won't get thrown back too, though, if any more egregious mistakes pop up.
I'm also reading The Vorkosigan Companion, which is quite entertaining so far. But I'm a Bujold geek, and a writing geek, and a behind-the-scenes geek, so this hits a lot of buttons for me. Also, completely unrelated to the quality of the material, this is one of the books I'm considering sending in for the Amazon trade-in program (I've already made a pretty penny in gift certificates sending off all the books I'm not going to have room for in another month), and the trade-in price keeps ping ponging back and forth between something in the $4 range and $.25. I'll send it to them for $4, once I'm done reading it. But if all they want to give me is $.25 for it, I'll take my chances at Half Price Books. At least with them you're getting cash, so I can spend my $.25 anywhere I want. (Although I'm hoarding these gift certificates like a dragon hoards gold. It's the only way I'm going to be able to buy the new Crusie coming out at the end of August, and the new Raybourn coming out in October, and the new Bujold coming out in November!)
And because that's just not enough books, and because I've been reading about Miles (my literary boyfriend) in the Companion anyway, I'm also listening to the audio version of A Civil Campaign by Lois McMaster Bujold, read by Grover Gardner. He does such a great job with this series.
So, that's how I'm dealing with reality right now. One book at a time.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Well Hell
I just spent some time getting quotes for one of those portable moving cubes. Bad news, folks. (At this point, did anyone really expect anything else?) The quotes ranged from $1,700 to over $2,000 to move from Houston to Indiana plus one month storage. I'm pretty sure I could replace anything I really want to bring with me for less than that. Sigh. It's particularly irritating since I just bought myself a new couch in March. This thing is beautiful. It's comfy and reclining, and after delivery I spent about $650 on it. I could have sat on the old, non-reclining couch for another 4 1/2 months and saved myself a lot of money. So frustrating.
In other fantastic news, I was working on the closet this afternoon and discovered a lovely, hairy patch of mold where I had my first outcropping last winter. That might explain the itchy eyes and nose and scratchy throat I've been dealing with lately.
On the positive side, there are now 6 bags of trash and a handful of beat up boxes sitting at the front door, waiting to be hauled to the dumpster.
In other fantastic news, I was working on the closet this afternoon and discovered a lovely, hairy patch of mold where I had my first outcropping last winter. That might explain the itchy eyes and nose and scratchy throat I've been dealing with lately.
On the positive side, there are now 6 bags of trash and a handful of beat up boxes sitting at the front door, waiting to be hauled to the dumpster.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
De-Cluttering Progress Report
Yesterday, to inspire me while clearing out, I started listening to an audiobook called Throw Out Fifty Things by Gail Blanke. She gives her clients the assignment of getting rid of 50 things (sell, donate, or trash) in two weeks. But there's one catch- multiples only count as 1. So you can't just throw out 50 magazines and be done. That's one. Now find 49 more things to clear out.
Making a list and keeping track as I worked yesterday felt good, but I think I also got bogged down as I have before in focusing on what to get rid of instead of what to keep. I feel like I'm making pretty good progress all things considered, although I didn't do much today. (Wore myself out yesterday, and pain levels were too high.) Here's everything that made it onto my list yesterday. None of this stuff is actually out of the apartment yet- there's a lot of stuff to sell or donate on the list. But this is a firm commitment to lose it all before moving. I'm not using it, don't need it, and don't care to haul it around any longer. And the trash is in bags, but hasn't been taken to the dumpster yet.
1. old bills, receipts, and junk mail
2. books
3. DVDs
4. yarn
5. gift boxes
6. shipping boxes/packaging
7. unused linens
8. decorative crap
9. juicer
10. wrapping paper
11. Alpha Smart
12. purses
13. dehumidifier
14. crap from a former friend
15. can of dirt (why?) stored in hall closet
16. sticks of deodorant I can't use any more because they give me a rash
17. exercise equipment- treadmill, exercise bike, weights, step
18. thingies- stuff that I don't know what it is, what it does, or why I have it
I feel pretty good about this list. It's only a drop in the bucket of what needs to be done, but it's a nice start. Tonight I plan to post some ads for the stuff I want to sell, and hopefully I'll get a few bucks to help with moving expenses. Or credit card bills. Or meds. Or just a few extra dollars in the Incredible Shrinking Savings Account.
One thing I'm particularly excited about is the pile of books and DVDs I've traded back through Amazon for gift cards. I shipped a smallish box last week, and I have another one ready to go for tomorrow. Between the two I've earned over $80 in Amazon gift cards. That's gonna keep me in ebooks for a little while. (I've already bought one with my first gc- Exclusively Yours by Shannon Stacey. Finished it before bed last night. Highly recommended.) If I sold them at Half Price Books I probably wouldn't have gotten more than $15 or so for the lot. There's something to be said for cash over gift certificates. But with that kind of discrepancy I'll take the gift certificates. I still have my wheeled cooler completely filled (and then some) with books and DVDs to sell at Half Price, and I hope to get a couple of bucks for them. I figure I've got at least one, maybe two more HP runs to go after this one. But I'm not going to kill myself trying to haul it all in at once.
Something else I intend to get a little creative with is the pantry. I have A LOT of crap in there. I don't mind donating what I can. But I'd like to eat up as much as possible, too. That means that meals will be getting a little... interesting around here. I have a boat load of jello and canned fruit in there, which is always good this time of year anyway, so I'm going to make up some of that tonight. There's Bisquick and pancake syrup, so pancakes here I come. There's a ton of pasta, which is never a problem for me to eat. The canned pumpkin and bottles of salad dressing? Gotta go.
The hardest thing I've attempted to deal with so far has been the yarn. There is an amazing amount of yarn in this apartment. But I think that will be the subject of my next post, because I'm not quite sure where I stand on all of it.
Making a list and keeping track as I worked yesterday felt good, but I think I also got bogged down as I have before in focusing on what to get rid of instead of what to keep. I feel like I'm making pretty good progress all things considered, although I didn't do much today. (Wore myself out yesterday, and pain levels were too high.) Here's everything that made it onto my list yesterday. None of this stuff is actually out of the apartment yet- there's a lot of stuff to sell or donate on the list. But this is a firm commitment to lose it all before moving. I'm not using it, don't need it, and don't care to haul it around any longer. And the trash is in bags, but hasn't been taken to the dumpster yet.
1. old bills, receipts, and junk mail
2. books
3. DVDs
4. yarn
5. gift boxes
6. shipping boxes/packaging
7. unused linens
8. decorative crap
9. juicer
10. wrapping paper
11. Alpha Smart
12. purses
13. dehumidifier
14. crap from a former friend
15. can of dirt (why?) stored in hall closet
16. sticks of deodorant I can't use any more because they give me a rash
17. exercise equipment- treadmill, exercise bike, weights, step
18. thingies- stuff that I don't know what it is, what it does, or why I have it
I feel pretty good about this list. It's only a drop in the bucket of what needs to be done, but it's a nice start. Tonight I plan to post some ads for the stuff I want to sell, and hopefully I'll get a few bucks to help with moving expenses. Or credit card bills. Or meds. Or just a few extra dollars in the Incredible Shrinking Savings Account.
One thing I'm particularly excited about is the pile of books and DVDs I've traded back through Amazon for gift cards. I shipped a smallish box last week, and I have another one ready to go for tomorrow. Between the two I've earned over $80 in Amazon gift cards. That's gonna keep me in ebooks for a little while. (I've already bought one with my first gc- Exclusively Yours by Shannon Stacey. Finished it before bed last night. Highly recommended.) If I sold them at Half Price Books I probably wouldn't have gotten more than $15 or so for the lot. There's something to be said for cash over gift certificates. But with that kind of discrepancy I'll take the gift certificates. I still have my wheeled cooler completely filled (and then some) with books and DVDs to sell at Half Price, and I hope to get a couple of bucks for them. I figure I've got at least one, maybe two more HP runs to go after this one. But I'm not going to kill myself trying to haul it all in at once.
Something else I intend to get a little creative with is the pantry. I have A LOT of crap in there. I don't mind donating what I can. But I'd like to eat up as much as possible, too. That means that meals will be getting a little... interesting around here. I have a boat load of jello and canned fruit in there, which is always good this time of year anyway, so I'm going to make up some of that tonight. There's Bisquick and pancake syrup, so pancakes here I come. There's a ton of pasta, which is never a problem for me to eat. The canned pumpkin and bottles of salad dressing? Gotta go.
The hardest thing I've attempted to deal with so far has been the yarn. There is an amazing amount of yarn in this apartment. But I think that will be the subject of my next post, because I'm not quite sure where I stand on all of it.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Clearing Out
There have been further developments, many further developments, and bottom line is that I'm going to land somewhere soon, I'm just not sure where or when. It is very possible that it's going to be in someone's spare bedroom, with no place to store the apartment's worth of stuff I've collected over the last 15 years. That means I'm going to have to get rid of a lot of stuff.
Instead of looking at all of it and deciding what to get rid of, which I've done a million times and I still have closets full of stuff, I've decided to turn my thinking around. Which items do I really, truly want to keep? That's a simpler question to answer. Anything that isn't on the "want to keep" list goes- selling, donating, or trashing depending on what it is and what kind of condition it's in. I'd like to be able to keep my bed and my new couch. The washer and dryer are a slightly less rational keep, but I'd really like to hang on to them, too. But those big pieces will be expensive to move and expensive to store while I wait for the day when I have space for them again. So if my new situation, whatever it might be, doesn't have room for them right away, then I'll have to let them go. I'll just pack up the car with as much of my "keep" pile as fits (hopefully all of it or I'll have to re-evaluate my pile), buckle the cat into his carrier, and hit the road for parts unknown.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Instead of looking at all of it and deciding what to get rid of, which I've done a million times and I still have closets full of stuff, I've decided to turn my thinking around. Which items do I really, truly want to keep? That's a simpler question to answer. Anything that isn't on the "want to keep" list goes- selling, donating, or trashing depending on what it is and what kind of condition it's in. I'd like to be able to keep my bed and my new couch. The washer and dryer are a slightly less rational keep, but I'd really like to hang on to them, too. But those big pieces will be expensive to move and expensive to store while I wait for the day when I have space for them again. So if my new situation, whatever it might be, doesn't have room for them right away, then I'll have to let them go. I'll just pack up the car with as much of my "keep" pile as fits (hopefully all of it or I'll have to re-evaluate my pile), buckle the cat into his carrier, and hit the road for parts unknown.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Update
I called Social Security this morning to see if they'd scheduled my hearing yet. The woman on the phone told me that there's currently a 12 month waiting list for a hearing date. The earliest I'm likely to hear something is next May. My insurance runs out in less than 60 days, and without an approval from Social Security I'm going to have at least a 6 month gap in coverage. SHIT. Shit, shit, shit. (Literally and figuratively.)
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Money and My Health Insurance Crisis
There's a lot of stuff backing up on me at the moment, and I'm beginning to wonder how much longer it'll be before I end up wearing a laundry basket on my head and barking Jingle Bells. (That really happened once.) (Don't ask.) This whole thing is a train wreck, but an amazingly boring, drama-free train wreck, so continue reading at your own risk.
If you know anything about me, or even bothered to read the subtitle of this blog, you know that I have Crohn's disease and Fibromyalgia. It's not fun. I haven't been able to work since August of 2008. First I was on short term disability, and when that ran out I shifted over to long term disability. At that point I should have started applying for Social Security disability (from here on referred to as SSDI), but the denial- I haz it. I started the SSDI application process in November 2009, I think. I've been denied twice so far. A couple weeks ago I filled out the paperwork for my second appeal, and sometime soon (hopefully) I should be getting an appointment to go before a judge. In the meantime, I still get my LTD (long term disability) check, and that covers the bills. Sort of. If I'm very careful.
The only reason this works for me financially at all is that I am still covered by COBRA, and my medical insurance is very, very good. The one medication that has done more to control my Crohn's than anything else, and it still can't completely control it, is Remicade. That's an IV drug that I get every 6 weeks. (The typical interval is every 8 weeks, but I need it more frequently than that.) Without my insurance, those infusions would cost me over $9,000 a pop. $9,000 every six weeks. That's over $80,000 a year. That's more than twice my entire salary when I was working, and LTD pays 60%. So clearly, there's no way I can afford this medication without insurance or significant help from the drug company.
Now here's where the scary part comes in: COBRA runs out for me on August 28th. In less than 2 months I will no longer have this fantastic medical insurance. And there's no way on God's green earth that any other insurance company is going to cover me with my medical history.
I thought I had it covered, though. Texas has a high risk insurance pool, specifically designed for people in my situation. And now because of recent legislation there is a federal high risk pool, too. Hooray! Right? Uh, maybe not so much. With my insurance expiring in only 8 weeks, I decided to do a little more research into these plans and find out what I needed to do to apply. It turns out that you have to go without insurance for 6 months before you're eligible for the federal pool. That's more than $36,000 worth of Remicade. The Texas pool is even worse- they won't cover pre-existing conditions (you know, the whole reason I need the pool in the first place) for the first twelve months you're on the plan.
This is not good, folks. I'm just going to lay it out now, pride be damned. I was only just limping along financially as it was, with regular assistance at the end of every month from my credit cards. I can't afford to pay for one month of medication and doctor visits without insurance, let alone 6 or 12 months. (The numbers I've laid out for you so far are just for Remicade. Without prescription drug coverage I'll have at least $1,000 worth of pills to pay for every month, too.) I was already planning to move in with my parents in November when my current lease runs out, because I'm sinking just a little bit deeper every month. ($4,000 worth of credit card debt and counting.) 35 and living in my parents' basement. This is so not the life I signed up for.
Now I'm seriously questioning if I can even make it to November. Without at least the Crohn's medications I could die. (Without the Fibro meds life would be miserably painful and not worth living, but it wouldn't actually kill me.) I came close to death three years ago, and without Remicade and methotrexate the Crohn's will rage out of control again. Just the interruption in those meds caused by infections and surgery earlier this year has caused a flare. I'm terrified to think what might happen if I totally lose access to my meds and doctors.
At this point there is only one thing that could save me: SSDI. If I'm approved two things will happen. COBRA can be extended for another 11 months, and I'll become eligible for Medicare. Medicare probably won't kick in right away. They don't give you that until 2 years after your disability date (and they have some flexibility in deciding what that date will be), but COBRA should cover me until that time. But only if the SSDI is approved between now and August 28th, while I'm still covered. If I'm approved on August 29th, I'm shit out of luck. So anyone who's reading this, do whatever you do. Pray, cast a circle, think good thoughts, send mojo, vibes or whatever you call it. Put it out to the Universe that I need SSDI, and I need it now.
It won't solve all my problems. In a few months I'm still going to end up 35 and living in my parents' basement. But at least I won't be 35 and dying in my parents' basement.
If you know anything about me, or even bothered to read the subtitle of this blog, you know that I have Crohn's disease and Fibromyalgia. It's not fun. I haven't been able to work since August of 2008. First I was on short term disability, and when that ran out I shifted over to long term disability. At that point I should have started applying for Social Security disability (from here on referred to as SSDI), but the denial- I haz it. I started the SSDI application process in November 2009, I think. I've been denied twice so far. A couple weeks ago I filled out the paperwork for my second appeal, and sometime soon (hopefully) I should be getting an appointment to go before a judge. In the meantime, I still get my LTD (long term disability) check, and that covers the bills. Sort of. If I'm very careful.
The only reason this works for me financially at all is that I am still covered by COBRA, and my medical insurance is very, very good. The one medication that has done more to control my Crohn's than anything else, and it still can't completely control it, is Remicade. That's an IV drug that I get every 6 weeks. (The typical interval is every 8 weeks, but I need it more frequently than that.) Without my insurance, those infusions would cost me over $9,000 a pop. $9,000 every six weeks. That's over $80,000 a year. That's more than twice my entire salary when I was working, and LTD pays 60%. So clearly, there's no way I can afford this medication without insurance or significant help from the drug company.
Now here's where the scary part comes in: COBRA runs out for me on August 28th. In less than 2 months I will no longer have this fantastic medical insurance. And there's no way on God's green earth that any other insurance company is going to cover me with my medical history.
I thought I had it covered, though. Texas has a high risk insurance pool, specifically designed for people in my situation. And now because of recent legislation there is a federal high risk pool, too. Hooray! Right? Uh, maybe not so much. With my insurance expiring in only 8 weeks, I decided to do a little more research into these plans and find out what I needed to do to apply. It turns out that you have to go without insurance for 6 months before you're eligible for the federal pool. That's more than $36,000 worth of Remicade. The Texas pool is even worse- they won't cover pre-existing conditions (you know, the whole reason I need the pool in the first place) for the first twelve months you're on the plan.
This is not good, folks. I'm just going to lay it out now, pride be damned. I was only just limping along financially as it was, with regular assistance at the end of every month from my credit cards. I can't afford to pay for one month of medication and doctor visits without insurance, let alone 6 or 12 months. (The numbers I've laid out for you so far are just for Remicade. Without prescription drug coverage I'll have at least $1,000 worth of pills to pay for every month, too.) I was already planning to move in with my parents in November when my current lease runs out, because I'm sinking just a little bit deeper every month. ($4,000 worth of credit card debt and counting.) 35 and living in my parents' basement. This is so not the life I signed up for.
Now I'm seriously questioning if I can even make it to November. Without at least the Crohn's medications I could die. (Without the Fibro meds life would be miserably painful and not worth living, but it wouldn't actually kill me.) I came close to death three years ago, and without Remicade and methotrexate the Crohn's will rage out of control again. Just the interruption in those meds caused by infections and surgery earlier this year has caused a flare. I'm terrified to think what might happen if I totally lose access to my meds and doctors.
At this point there is only one thing that could save me: SSDI. If I'm approved two things will happen. COBRA can be extended for another 11 months, and I'll become eligible for Medicare. Medicare probably won't kick in right away. They don't give you that until 2 years after your disability date (and they have some flexibility in deciding what that date will be), but COBRA should cover me until that time. But only if the SSDI is approved between now and August 28th, while I'm still covered. If I'm approved on August 29th, I'm shit out of luck. So anyone who's reading this, do whatever you do. Pray, cast a circle, think good thoughts, send mojo, vibes or whatever you call it. Put it out to the Universe that I need SSDI, and I need it now.
It won't solve all my problems. In a few months I'm still going to end up 35 and living in my parents' basement. But at least I won't be 35 and dying in my parents' basement.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Finally!
Click, click, click. Do you hear that? That's the sound of the tumblers falling into place. I have a solid jumping off point for my characters. As of my shower about 10 minutes ago I know where and approximately when in history they exist. It's an historical, and for once I'm actually excited about doing all that research! (I've never taken a real shot at historical before, because the idea of all those picky Regency details plain wore me out.) I have a very general idea of what the mystery plot will be about- those details should firm up as I do my research and pick an exact time frame.
I'm so excited! For months I've wanted to be writing, but the WIP I've been poking at since 2006 just isn't going anywhere. I needed something new, some fresh idea to get me moving again. All my creativity has felt like it's been bottled up inside, and suddenly it's free! It's such a relief.
I'm so excited! For months I've wanted to be writing, but the WIP I've been poking at since 2006 just isn't going anywhere. I needed something new, some fresh idea to get me moving again. All my creativity has felt like it's been bottled up inside, and suddenly it's free! It's such a relief.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Alpha Heroes
I don't normally consider myself a fan of the Alpha hero. You know, those brooding, controlling, nasty tempered, He-Man types so common in romance novels. Mostly I find myself rolling my eyes at their antics, or occasionally wishing that the heroine would get smart, bash them over the head with a lamp, and run like hell.
But every once in a while I come across a fabulous Alpha, and when I do he's unforgettable. Recently I've been obsessed with two exceptional Alphas: Nicholas Brisbane from Deanna Raybourn's Lady Julia Grey series, and Jericho Barrons from Karen Marie Moning's Fever series. (And the book I'm reading right now, Exit Strategy by Kelley Armstrong, has a character who shares at least one or two significant traits with these guys, but it's too soon to tell if he really falls into this category.) I'm trying to figure out what it is about these two guys that makes them so fascinating.
The thing that stands out the most for both of these characters is that they are men of mystery. Who they are, where they come from, even what they are in the case of Barrons, is a great big question mark. (This part is definitely true for Armstrong's Jack, at least so far.) Beyond the personal mystery, their motives are often hidden. We can speculate on why they do what they do, but it's rarely immediately clear. And they like to work behind the scenes, sometimes lying, sometimes just not telling their female partner (who in both cases also happens to be the narrator) what they're doing.
Another classic Alpha characteristic that they both possess is that they're powerful. Barrons is perhaps more classically powerful- he's rich, he's feared, he has magical power of (again) mysterious origin, and he has inside knowledge that the narrator lacks. Brisbane is powerful, but not in the way the typical historical Alpha is. He's not titled or rich. He's not well connected, at least not the kind of connections that most people would want to acknowledge. As a private inquiry agent he knows a lot of things that other people don't want getting around, so that does give him a certain amount of power. But his power really comes from his intelligence and charisma. It's clear that he's not the kind of man you mess with. He also has something else going for him, which I won't name here in case anyone reading this hasn't read the series. I don't want to spoil it. (And seriously, if you haven't read Silent in the Grave, go do it now! I'll wait.)
(Good, wasn't it? Chocolate and Amazon gift cards both make nice thank you gifts. ;P )
It's probably really not fair to try to analyze Jack at this point, since I'm less than half way through the book. But he's a hitman, which is power on a whole different level than Brisbane and Barrons. If a hunter, a predator isn't Alpha, I don't know what is. But he seems to work very hard to keep all of that suppressed and low key, so he doesn't come across as a classic Alpha at all in that respect. (Again, we're getting all our information on Jack from a female partner who is also the narrator. I'm beginning to suspect that Nadia is a slightly unreliable narrator, not because she's purposefully hiding something, but because it's starting to look like she has a big ol' honking blind spot when it comes to Jack. Which is slightly weird considering she's also a hitman, his protege, and claims not to trust him completely. Not bad writing weird, just human nature weird.)
Brisbane and Barrons also have that classic Alpha need for control, although they display it in different ways. Brisbane has something in his personal life that he tries desperately, and not always successfully, to control, which I think makes control everywhere else even more important to him. He fears for Julia's safety at various times, and he tries to protect her by controlling her involvement with the case. (Doesn't always work.) He never comes across as being arbitrary, though. He has specific reasons for not wanting her to take certain actions, and he's usually pretty upfront about them. (He's less upfront with her in Silent in the Sanctuary, but again he has very specific, non-arbitrary reasons for keeping information from her.)
Barrons is much more irritating with his need for control. He doesn't want to share information with Mac- he wants her to just shut up and do what she's told. And then he treats her like an idiot for putting herself in dangerous situations that she could have avoided if she'd known what she was getting into. If I were Mac I'd have taken my pretty little foot in my pretty little gold sandal and kicked him in his not so little shins. This stupid refusal to share information (Mac does it, too- you're fighting faeries but when the grim reaper starts appearing to you, you decide it's just a hallucination and don't tell anyone? Stupid.) (Sorry, that was a bit of a spoiler, but jeeze. The Stupid, she has it.) Um, I think I was in the middle of a sentence there before I got off track. Anyway, his need to control her actions (and yet allow her to wander free and unguarded and get into all kinds of trouble during the day- what's up with that?) (OK, I'll stop now.) and control the flow of information is really boneheaded. His control is also a major benefit to Mac later in the story. Humina humina! But mostly it's annoying and unnecessary. His complete refusal to reveal anything about himself is fairly intriguing, though.
Jack's need to control appears to be completely turned inward, at least so far. And as a hitman there's a lot to control. He's constantly monitoring and adjusting his personal appearance, accent, and body language to blend in and hide. Unlike the typical Alpha, it's really important that he not stand out in a crowd. He's acted as a mentor to Nadia for quite a while, but he treats her as another professional and doesn't try to control her actions. Unlike the female leads/narrators in the other books, Nadia has a strong sense of caution as she moves through her very dangerous world, so he doesn't need to be looking out for a blundering partner. Unlike the other two men, Jack would never partner up with someone who might flail around and make the kind of mistakes Mac, or even sometimes Julia, make. But he also doesn't seem to be withholding the kind of information that Nadia needs, either. So far he has controlled her access into the wider community of hitmen (which is more than fine with Nadia) and her access to information about him. I think (and again, I'm less than half way through the book, so I could be way off here) that he controlled that information at first as a safety measure, and Nadia has respected that so much that she doesn't even ask. Now he'd like to be able to share more with her and doesn't quite know where to start.
All three possess very specialized skills. That's maybe not the first trait you'd think of in an Alpha, but it stands to reason that if they're running the show then they're the best. Barrons has major magical skills and serious knowledge of the supernatural world. Brisbane is a phenomenal detective and has something else that gives him an edge. Jack can kill you a dozen different ways, and you'll never see it coming.
So, if I want to take these guys and use them as a template for creating my own fascinating Alpha, then I want a man who is mysterious (the more mysterious the better- I think that's why I like Barrons, major flaws and all- I want to be there when we finally learn all about him), powerful, intelligent, controlled and skilled. And eventually I want him to turn all that mystery, power, intelligence, control, and skill on me. Er, I mean my heroine!
After all this blah, blah, blah it seems like all I've done is define your run of the mill Alpha. But it's really how those characteristics were expressed that made these guys so unforgettable. How the author breathed life into them. Which is, of course, the hard part. Now that I have the general shape of the character, I'm going to have to start figuring out who this Alpha-shaped guy is and placing him in a story.
But not tonight- I'm tired.
But every once in a while I come across a fabulous Alpha, and when I do he's unforgettable. Recently I've been obsessed with two exceptional Alphas: Nicholas Brisbane from Deanna Raybourn's Lady Julia Grey series, and Jericho Barrons from Karen Marie Moning's Fever series. (And the book I'm reading right now, Exit Strategy by Kelley Armstrong, has a character who shares at least one or two significant traits with these guys, but it's too soon to tell if he really falls into this category.) I'm trying to figure out what it is about these two guys that makes them so fascinating.
The thing that stands out the most for both of these characters is that they are men of mystery. Who they are, where they come from, even what they are in the case of Barrons, is a great big question mark. (This part is definitely true for Armstrong's Jack, at least so far.) Beyond the personal mystery, their motives are often hidden. We can speculate on why they do what they do, but it's rarely immediately clear. And they like to work behind the scenes, sometimes lying, sometimes just not telling their female partner (who in both cases also happens to be the narrator) what they're doing.
Another classic Alpha characteristic that they both possess is that they're powerful. Barrons is perhaps more classically powerful- he's rich, he's feared, he has magical power of (again) mysterious origin, and he has inside knowledge that the narrator lacks. Brisbane is powerful, but not in the way the typical historical Alpha is. He's not titled or rich. He's not well connected, at least not the kind of connections that most people would want to acknowledge. As a private inquiry agent he knows a lot of things that other people don't want getting around, so that does give him a certain amount of power. But his power really comes from his intelligence and charisma. It's clear that he's not the kind of man you mess with. He also has something else going for him, which I won't name here in case anyone reading this hasn't read the series. I don't want to spoil it. (And seriously, if you haven't read Silent in the Grave, go do it now! I'll wait.)
(Good, wasn't it? Chocolate and Amazon gift cards both make nice thank you gifts. ;P )
It's probably really not fair to try to analyze Jack at this point, since I'm less than half way through the book. But he's a hitman, which is power on a whole different level than Brisbane and Barrons. If a hunter, a predator isn't Alpha, I don't know what is. But he seems to work very hard to keep all of that suppressed and low key, so he doesn't come across as a classic Alpha at all in that respect. (Again, we're getting all our information on Jack from a female partner who is also the narrator. I'm beginning to suspect that Nadia is a slightly unreliable narrator, not because she's purposefully hiding something, but because it's starting to look like she has a big ol' honking blind spot when it comes to Jack. Which is slightly weird considering she's also a hitman, his protege, and claims not to trust him completely. Not bad writing weird, just human nature weird.)
Brisbane and Barrons also have that classic Alpha need for control, although they display it in different ways. Brisbane has something in his personal life that he tries desperately, and not always successfully, to control, which I think makes control everywhere else even more important to him. He fears for Julia's safety at various times, and he tries to protect her by controlling her involvement with the case. (Doesn't always work.) He never comes across as being arbitrary, though. He has specific reasons for not wanting her to take certain actions, and he's usually pretty upfront about them. (He's less upfront with her in Silent in the Sanctuary, but again he has very specific, non-arbitrary reasons for keeping information from her.)
Barrons is much more irritating with his need for control. He doesn't want to share information with Mac- he wants her to just shut up and do what she's told. And then he treats her like an idiot for putting herself in dangerous situations that she could have avoided if she'd known what she was getting into. If I were Mac I'd have taken my pretty little foot in my pretty little gold sandal and kicked him in his not so little shins. This stupid refusal to share information (Mac does it, too- you're fighting faeries but when the grim reaper starts appearing to you, you decide it's just a hallucination and don't tell anyone? Stupid.) (Sorry, that was a bit of a spoiler, but jeeze. The Stupid, she has it.) Um, I think I was in the middle of a sentence there before I got off track. Anyway, his need to control her actions (and yet allow her to wander free and unguarded and get into all kinds of trouble during the day- what's up with that?) (OK, I'll stop now.) and control the flow of information is really boneheaded. His control is also a major benefit to Mac later in the story. Humina humina! But mostly it's annoying and unnecessary. His complete refusal to reveal anything about himself is fairly intriguing, though.
Jack's need to control appears to be completely turned inward, at least so far. And as a hitman there's a lot to control. He's constantly monitoring and adjusting his personal appearance, accent, and body language to blend in and hide. Unlike the typical Alpha, it's really important that he not stand out in a crowd. He's acted as a mentor to Nadia for quite a while, but he treats her as another professional and doesn't try to control her actions. Unlike the female leads/narrators in the other books, Nadia has a strong sense of caution as she moves through her very dangerous world, so he doesn't need to be looking out for a blundering partner. Unlike the other two men, Jack would never partner up with someone who might flail around and make the kind of mistakes Mac, or even sometimes Julia, make. But he also doesn't seem to be withholding the kind of information that Nadia needs, either. So far he has controlled her access into the wider community of hitmen (which is more than fine with Nadia) and her access to information about him. I think (and again, I'm less than half way through the book, so I could be way off here) that he controlled that information at first as a safety measure, and Nadia has respected that so much that she doesn't even ask. Now he'd like to be able to share more with her and doesn't quite know where to start.
All three possess very specialized skills. That's maybe not the first trait you'd think of in an Alpha, but it stands to reason that if they're running the show then they're the best. Barrons has major magical skills and serious knowledge of the supernatural world. Brisbane is a phenomenal detective and has something else that gives him an edge. Jack can kill you a dozen different ways, and you'll never see it coming.
So, if I want to take these guys and use them as a template for creating my own fascinating Alpha, then I want a man who is mysterious (the more mysterious the better- I think that's why I like Barrons, major flaws and all- I want to be there when we finally learn all about him), powerful, intelligent, controlled and skilled. And eventually I want him to turn all that mystery, power, intelligence, control, and skill on me. Er, I mean my heroine!
After all this blah, blah, blah it seems like all I've done is define your run of the mill Alpha. But it's really how those characteristics were expressed that made these guys so unforgettable. How the author breathed life into them. Which is, of course, the hard part. Now that I have the general shape of the character, I'm going to have to start figuring out who this Alpha-shaped guy is and placing him in a story.
But not tonight- I'm tired.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Projects
I was surfing around, looking at blogs the other day when I came across someone who is doing Day Zero. (http://www.dayzeroproject.com/) It's one of those cutesy bucket list type groups. The goal of this one is to do 101 things in 1001 days, which comes out to about 2.75 years.
I love these things. I like the idea of actually working on all those "someday" dreams, surrounded by other people who are doing the same thing. Problem is, I never get beyond the list making stage. For this one, there's no way I could come up with 101 projects that are worthy of going on the list. Even if I could come up with 101 worthy projects, is there any way I could complete 101 projects between now and spring of 2013? I count it a good week if I do a few dishes, a load or two of laundry, a quick trip to the grocery store, and water arthritis at least once. The idea of completing a worthy project on an average of once every 10 days just makes me tired.
But then I got to thinking about spring of 2013. Not that I have any plans to go, but 2013 is my 20th high school reunion. What if I did 20 before my 20th? Much more doable. But then I still have the same problem- what 20 projects do I want to complete between now and my high school reunion?
Linking it up with the reunion makes me think of all those things that I want to have accomplished before seeing all those people again. (Although it's kind of academic, because as I said, I have no interest in going to this thing.) My life is so very, very different from what I thought it would be when I graduated 17 years ago. I thought I'd be married with kids by now, not terminally single and child-less. Children are a no-go for me now, and I'm not going on the hunt for a husband just to have someone to show off to people I haven't see or heard from in at least 15 years. So those don't make the list.
I've always wanted to write a book. I thought I'd be published by my 20th reunion, and so far I haven't even managed to finish one yet. Finishing a book could go on the list. So that's goal #1.
I really, really (ohmygod, really) need to lose at least 100 lbs. My joints would appreciate it, and to be honest, I'd be really embarrassed for anyone from high school to see me as I am today. I was never the hot chick, but I wasn't 300 lbs back then, either. A normal, healthy person who eats right and exercises should probably be able to drop 100 lbs in 1000 days- a lbs every 10 days is a very moderate pace. Is it possible for me? I kind of doubt it. But I could probably make some progress in that direction by spring of 2013, if I can avoid the prednisone. So, that's goal #2- lose weight.
My third thought is that I have holycrap credit card debt. I'd really like to have that paid off in three years or less. That's not something that I'd care to flaunt in front of my old classmates, but it would make me feel good to have them paid off, and the timing seems reasonable. Goal #3: pay off credit cards.
This one isn't at all sexy, but my closets are a complete disaster. I have a large walk in closet in the bedroom and another large storage closet off the office. Both are piled high with stuff. Good stuff. Bad stuff. Crap. Junk. I have a vague idea of what's in both places, but there's a ton of stuff in both closets that I haven't looked at since I moved into this apartment almost 4 years ago- including my high school year books. (Ha! Found a way to tie that in.) It could easily take me months, at my current ability level, to get through those boxes and ditch the stuff I don't want. I know there's a lot of stuff in there I don't want. I hate the idea of filling up the dumpster, and the landfill, with all this crap, but I don't have the patience and energy to try to freecycle or Craigslist it either. But it's got to go, because I don't know how much longer I'll be living here, and I'm not hauling it across country with me when the inevitable comes and I end up living in Indiana again with my brother or parents. That's the long way around to say that goal #4 (which has to be completed well before 2013) is to clean out those closets and clear the clutter.
And that's where I've stalled. What else do I want to accomplish by 2013? I feel kind of pitiful that there are so few things on my list, and maybe other than the writing one, nothing that's in any way exotic or interesting. There are plenty of things I could put on my "if I weren't sick" list, but I'm trying to keep it in the realm of my current reality. Current reality says that I'm not going to Egypt to see the pyramids or running/walking the Disney marathon anytime in the next three years. Or ever, probably. And "getting approved for SSDI" isn't a very good goal for something like this, because that's largely out of my hands. I fill out the paperwork to the best of my ability and wait around for someone else to say "yes" or "no". But there have to be other goals, right? Things that I can do, learn, accomplish. Sixteen other things that I'd like to do and can realistically accomplish in the next three years. I'll think about it for a while. And hopefully, if I come up with something I'll remember to write it down. Otherwise, it will end up in the junk closet in my brain, where all my unrecorded thoughts go to die. That's one closet I really don't care to clean!
I love these things. I like the idea of actually working on all those "someday" dreams, surrounded by other people who are doing the same thing. Problem is, I never get beyond the list making stage. For this one, there's no way I could come up with 101 projects that are worthy of going on the list. Even if I could come up with 101 worthy projects, is there any way I could complete 101 projects between now and spring of 2013? I count it a good week if I do a few dishes, a load or two of laundry, a quick trip to the grocery store, and water arthritis at least once. The idea of completing a worthy project on an average of once every 10 days just makes me tired.
But then I got to thinking about spring of 2013. Not that I have any plans to go, but 2013 is my 20th high school reunion. What if I did 20 before my 20th? Much more doable. But then I still have the same problem- what 20 projects do I want to complete between now and my high school reunion?
Linking it up with the reunion makes me think of all those things that I want to have accomplished before seeing all those people again. (Although it's kind of academic, because as I said, I have no interest in going to this thing.) My life is so very, very different from what I thought it would be when I graduated 17 years ago. I thought I'd be married with kids by now, not terminally single and child-less. Children are a no-go for me now, and I'm not going on the hunt for a husband just to have someone to show off to people I haven't see or heard from in at least 15 years. So those don't make the list.
I've always wanted to write a book. I thought I'd be published by my 20th reunion, and so far I haven't even managed to finish one yet. Finishing a book could go on the list. So that's goal #1.
I really, really (ohmygod, really) need to lose at least 100 lbs. My joints would appreciate it, and to be honest, I'd be really embarrassed for anyone from high school to see me as I am today. I was never the hot chick, but I wasn't 300 lbs back then, either. A normal, healthy person who eats right and exercises should probably be able to drop 100 lbs in 1000 days- a lbs every 10 days is a very moderate pace. Is it possible for me? I kind of doubt it. But I could probably make some progress in that direction by spring of 2013, if I can avoid the prednisone. So, that's goal #2- lose weight.
My third thought is that I have holycrap credit card debt. I'd really like to have that paid off in three years or less. That's not something that I'd care to flaunt in front of my old classmates, but it would make me feel good to have them paid off, and the timing seems reasonable. Goal #3: pay off credit cards.
This one isn't at all sexy, but my closets are a complete disaster. I have a large walk in closet in the bedroom and another large storage closet off the office. Both are piled high with stuff. Good stuff. Bad stuff. Crap. Junk. I have a vague idea of what's in both places, but there's a ton of stuff in both closets that I haven't looked at since I moved into this apartment almost 4 years ago- including my high school year books. (Ha! Found a way to tie that in.) It could easily take me months, at my current ability level, to get through those boxes and ditch the stuff I don't want. I know there's a lot of stuff in there I don't want. I hate the idea of filling up the dumpster, and the landfill, with all this crap, but I don't have the patience and energy to try to freecycle or Craigslist it either. But it's got to go, because I don't know how much longer I'll be living here, and I'm not hauling it across country with me when the inevitable comes and I end up living in Indiana again with my brother or parents. That's the long way around to say that goal #4 (which has to be completed well before 2013) is to clean out those closets and clear the clutter.
And that's where I've stalled. What else do I want to accomplish by 2013? I feel kind of pitiful that there are so few things on my list, and maybe other than the writing one, nothing that's in any way exotic or interesting. There are plenty of things I could put on my "if I weren't sick" list, but I'm trying to keep it in the realm of my current reality. Current reality says that I'm not going to Egypt to see the pyramids or running/walking the Disney marathon anytime in the next three years. Or ever, probably. And "getting approved for SSDI" isn't a very good goal for something like this, because that's largely out of my hands. I fill out the paperwork to the best of my ability and wait around for someone else to say "yes" or "no". But there have to be other goals, right? Things that I can do, learn, accomplish. Sixteen other things that I'd like to do and can realistically accomplish in the next three years. I'll think about it for a while. And hopefully, if I come up with something I'll remember to write it down. Otherwise, it will end up in the junk closet in my brain, where all my unrecorded thoughts go to die. That's one closet I really don't care to clean!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Happy Friday!
I woke up this morning from the strangest dream. I was at a beach house with a bunch of friends, and I spent the whole time flirting with Christian Kane and playing Patty Cake with my best friend's baby. (But not, unfortunately, playing Patty Cake with Christian Kane!)
I'm not sure what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but I think it might be "have more fun!" I suppose "you haven't talked to Keli in too long" and "Leverage starts on Sunday" are a possibility, too, but adding more fun to your life is never a bad thing.
My fun weekend plans all revolve around the television. Tonight is Popcorn Dialogues night (http://popcorndialogues.com/). We're watching Ninotchka, which I have to say I have no interest in. But I wasn't particularly interested in It Happened One Night and that turned out to be a terrific movie, so I'm giving it a shot. Saturday is Doctor Who, and then Sunday is True Blood, Leverage, and a new ABC show called The Gates.
My other project for the weekend, which is necessary but certainly not fun, is to finish filling out my Disability Report for Social Security for the third time. It's the same damn paperwork over and over. I tell you what, if the government ever decides to get serious about cutting the fat out of Social Security, the first thing they need to do is stop dicking around and approve people with legitimate claims on the first try. The amount of paper and number of man hours wasted on making us jump through hoops (we who are least able to jump) is disgusting. This is my second appeal, and sometime in the next several months I'll be going in front of a judge. Talk about intimidating. Being sick, constantly, chronically ill, is soul sucking enough. Add in a year or more trying to convince a bunch of faceless bureaucrats that yes, I really am this sick, and no, I am not faking- it's a wonder I haven't stuck my head in an oven.
But enough about that. Here's a picture of my hair after my first all night plop.
Not bad, huh? (Although this picture does a nice job of accentuating my double chin.) I wish the curls were a little rounder and bouncier, but I'll trade that for the ridiculously low-maintenance styling. And even with gel (I used Herbal Essences Totally Twisted Curl Scrunching Gel), it's nice and soft, not crunchy or sticky at all.
Oh, and I thought of one more fun thing in my weekend! I had my water arthritis class this morning. It's still exercise, but the water feels so good in this heat. And it's the one time being fat works in my favor- I'm nice and buoyant.
I like all three of the instructors for this class, but I particularly like the Friday instructor. She's about my age (I'm guessing- I'm not very good at judging ages) and always has something crazy going on in her life. This week it was an escaped crawfish. Apparently her mother bought crawfish this week, and the guy behind the counter gave her daughter one that was too small to sell, I guess as a pet. And of course, the crawfish got loose somewhere in the house. They've all been looking for it, but so far no luck. According to my instructor, crawfish live about 2 years. She's hoping they find it soon, because she doesn't want to live the next year to year and a half with an escaped crawfish roaming the house.
So, there you go. Funny story, even if it wasn't mine. Have a great weekend!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
My First Plop
I've discovered a new hobby in the last few days- my hair. As with most of my new interests, it was sparked by an off-topic discussion on Ravelry, this time about curly hair.
For the first 32 years of my life I had smooth, straight hair with just a bit of wave. And then all this health crap came along, which I won't get into (again) except to say that in fall of 2007 I started losing hair. Eventually quite a bit of hair. When it grew back it was... weird. Not smooth. Frizzy. Snarly. It looked bad enough when I tried to wash and go, but it's true, horrible form came out whenever I tried to spend a little extra time on it to make it look nice. Horrible. I spent a good 6 months or so wandering around looking like Don King.
Finally, a friend took pity on me and directed me to her hairstylist. Imagine my shock when she looked over the disaster on my head and said, "You know you have curly hair, right?" Er, no actually. When did that happen? Apparently it's not unusual for hair that has fallen out due to medical treatments to come back a different color or texture. (I also got a liberal salting of gray hair at the same time. Yay.) So she cut and colored and styled and basically messed with my mess for about 4 hours. And when she was done... crap, she was right! I had curly hair!
That's all me, no curling iron required. And it only got curlier as my hair adjusted to being allowed to do it's own thing. I don't know how I could have missed it. More evidence that we don't ever really see ourselves until someone or something makes us see.
Unfortunately, I haven't liked any of her cuts as much as that first one, and at $200 a pop for cut and color, I'm just can't afford to keep going. So what to do? Well, there's a solution for everything else on Rav, I should have trusted that Rav would have a solution for this, too. Did you know there's a whole world of information and techniques to make curly hair behave better? It's amazing.
This blog post is a great starting point for the Curly Girl method, or going "CG": http://dormroomcurly.blogspot.com/2008/12/style-definitions-table.html. I've already cut the sulfate and silicone out of my hair care routine, and now I'm starting to experiment with styling. I have no energy for a big styling regime. Just the cowash takes more time than my old shampoo and condition routine, which means sore arms and back by the time I'm finished. So anything that requires a lot of blow drying, rollers or a curling iron, or much in the way of general fussing is right out. Fortunately, air drying appears to be the preferred method, along with something charmingly called "plopping". This is a good video on plopping: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1K_E_JN5dkw&feature=player_embedded
And here I am, plopped on the couch, plopping for the first time. Wish me luck!
Friday, June 04, 2010
Sloppy Writing is Sloppy
So, I'm reading Black Hills by Nora Roberts. I wouldn't call myself a NR fan- what I've read of hers was enjoyable, but I don't go looking for her books, either. This one was coming along pretty well until this morning.
The heroine, Lil Chance, is a wildlife biologist specializing in cats. She trapped an animal to tag and take samples, but before she could get to it, someone shot it in the head and killed it. The police come, and she starts talking about doing an autopsy. Blew me right out of the story. An animal autopsy is called a necropsy, and there's no way a wildlife biologist wouldn't know that. Then a few pages after that, a farm hand refers to the new gelding she bought as a her. At this point I'm so far out of the story that I don't know if I want to continue.
I know these are details, not anything important to the plot of the story. But geeze louise. Isn't anyone paying attention?
The heroine, Lil Chance, is a wildlife biologist specializing in cats. She trapped an animal to tag and take samples, but before she could get to it, someone shot it in the head and killed it. The police come, and she starts talking about doing an autopsy. Blew me right out of the story. An animal autopsy is called a necropsy, and there's no way a wildlife biologist wouldn't know that. Then a few pages after that, a farm hand refers to the new gelding she bought as a her. At this point I'm so far out of the story that I don't know if I want to continue.
I know these are details, not anything important to the plot of the story. But geeze louise. Isn't anyone paying attention?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Top Five Crusies
After holding it in reserve for months I'm finally reading The Cinderella Deal by Jennifer Crusie. I'm loving it! I'm not finished yet, but assuming she doesn't pancake on the dismount (which I doubt- it's Crusie) it just might be one of my five favorite of her books. The others are What the Lady Wants, Charlie All Night, Crazy For You, Getting Rid of Bradley, Anyone But You, Fast Women, and Agnes and the Hitman.
Yes, I know there are more than five books on that list. What of it?
One of the reoccurring symbols in her books are the houses. Daisy has spent a good chunk of the book so far painting and decorating and generally making a beautiful home. This fictional house has more color and style than the real apartment I'm sitting in as I type this. Her books always make me want to jump up and create some funky work of art, bring some color into my life. And then after about five minutes I remember that I have zero artistic ability. Also, I have no money to buy supplies with. But it's a nice little fantasy while it lasts.
The heroes are good too, but strangely enough, I have no desire to rush out and find one of those. I already know they're more effort than I can spare.
Yes, I know there are more than five books on that list. What of it?
One of the reoccurring symbols in her books are the houses. Daisy has spent a good chunk of the book so far painting and decorating and generally making a beautiful home. This fictional house has more color and style than the real apartment I'm sitting in as I type this. Her books always make me want to jump up and create some funky work of art, bring some color into my life. And then after about five minutes I remember that I have zero artistic ability. Also, I have no money to buy supplies with. But it's a nice little fantasy while it lasts.
The heroes are good too, but strangely enough, I have no desire to rush out and find one of those. I already know they're more effort than I can spare.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Book Binge
A couple weeks ago I broke down and bought my second ebook reader, a Sony Pocket. I love my Kindle, don't get me wrong. But there was this ebook sale, and, well.... If I wanted to read any of the books that I really, really wanted, it was either use the lap top (which has it's uses, but generally isn't a practical reading device for me), grow magical hacking skillz and strip and convert all these lovely new books into a format that would work with my existing ereader, or break down and buy something that would accept the formats the books were already in. And there was the Pocket. It was CHEAP (as these things go), and it was PINK (not usually a big draw for me, but I just loved that bright fuchsia from the first moment I saw it). So I gave in to my baser instincts and spent the money.
I am LOVING this thing. Not so much the unit itself, although it is adequate. It's not terribly difficult to use. I'm not loving the button placement (spoiled by convenient page turns on both the left and right sides of the Kindle), and the screen is a bit smaller than I'd prefer. But it's quite a bit lighter than the Kindle, so big points in it's favor there. (I always feel it when the Kindle is in my purse. It makes the damn thing so much heavier.)
What I really, really love about the Pocket is that my local library has expanded their service, and now I can access ebooks through Overdrive! Before all they had were scholarly works, and I am so not the scholarly type. I'm working diligently to rot what's left of my brain with works of pure entertainment. And now I can, for free! I was just using my city library, which has a kind of small subscription to Overdrive. Certainly enough to keep me happily reading for quite some time. I even have one not-completely-brain-rotting book on my wishlist- it's about Egyptian history, which is one of the few topics that could tempt me to read non-fiction.
And then, I hit the jackpot. In several places lately I've seen people talking about maintaining non-resident library cards, usually by paying a fee for the card. So I started checking around to see what it would cost me to get a library card in some of the other major cities in Texas and if it would be worth it to pay the fee to have access to their online ebook services. Which is when I discovered that not only do we have a major city library with dozens of branches around town, we also have a county library with many fewer branches but a much larger ebook collection. Much. Like, literally 10x the size of the city library's collection. Ka ching!
I spent the last two evenings working my way through the fiction list on the county library's website. (It takes a long time to go through a list of over 2000 ebook titles and pick what looks interesting.) I now have 9 new titles waiting patiently on my pretty pink Pocket, a half dozen books on hold, and 149 books on my wishlist. Between what I bought in those last two sales, what I've grabbed for free off Amazon, and all the ebooks available to me now through my county library, I probably won't have to buy another book for two years, maybe more! (Of course, there are a few favorite authors whose books I'll be buying anyway, just because I Must Have Them Now.) Even if you assume used book prices, the Pocket will pay for itself three times over, just with the books on my list now. And that list will only grow as new titles are added to the database.
I love my little Pocket!
I am LOVING this thing. Not so much the unit itself, although it is adequate. It's not terribly difficult to use. I'm not loving the button placement (spoiled by convenient page turns on both the left and right sides of the Kindle), and the screen is a bit smaller than I'd prefer. But it's quite a bit lighter than the Kindle, so big points in it's favor there. (I always feel it when the Kindle is in my purse. It makes the damn thing so much heavier.)
What I really, really love about the Pocket is that my local library has expanded their service, and now I can access ebooks through Overdrive! Before all they had were scholarly works, and I am so not the scholarly type. I'm working diligently to rot what's left of my brain with works of pure entertainment. And now I can, for free! I was just using my city library, which has a kind of small subscription to Overdrive. Certainly enough to keep me happily reading for quite some time. I even have one not-completely-brain-rotting book on my wishlist- it's about Egyptian history, which is one of the few topics that could tempt me to read non-fiction.
And then, I hit the jackpot. In several places lately I've seen people talking about maintaining non-resident library cards, usually by paying a fee for the card. So I started checking around to see what it would cost me to get a library card in some of the other major cities in Texas and if it would be worth it to pay the fee to have access to their online ebook services. Which is when I discovered that not only do we have a major city library with dozens of branches around town, we also have a county library with many fewer branches but a much larger ebook collection. Much. Like, literally 10x the size of the city library's collection. Ka ching!
I spent the last two evenings working my way through the fiction list on the county library's website. (It takes a long time to go through a list of over 2000 ebook titles and pick what looks interesting.) I now have 9 new titles waiting patiently on my pretty pink Pocket, a half dozen books on hold, and 149 books on my wishlist. Between what I bought in those last two sales, what I've grabbed for free off Amazon, and all the ebooks available to me now through my county library, I probably won't have to buy another book for two years, maybe more! (Of course, there are a few favorite authors whose books I'll be buying anyway, just because I Must Have Them Now.) Even if you assume used book prices, the Pocket will pay for itself three times over, just with the books on my list now. And that list will only grow as new titles are added to the database.
I love my little Pocket!
Monday, February 08, 2010
It's a Pickle
I have a code for a free ebook that expires later this week, and I can't decide how to spend it! The options so far are:
The Cinderella Deal by Jennifer Crusie
Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl
Fallen by Lauren Kate
These Old Shades by Georgette Heyer
Instant Attraction by Jill Shalvis
All of these books have points in their favor, and reasons why they aren't my #1 choice. My reading preference goes like this: ebook, print book, audiobook. Paperback vs hardback is a toss up. Hardbacks are heavier, but paperbacks are harder for me to hold open. Hardbacks are easier because they're logged in the library's computer by title, so I can reserve those titles and have them waiting together for me in one spot. Paperbacks aren't tracked by title, so I have to search the stacks and hope for the best. Either way, I have to actually go to the library to pick them up and return them. Digital books and audiobooks, whether I purchase them or download them from the library, are available from the comfort of home.
Crusie pros: I'll probably want to read it over and over again; it's available from the library but only in audio- I'd rather read it than listen to it; it's a paperback, so if the library does have it, I'll have to find it myself in the stacks
Crusie cons: less expensive than other options- shouldn't I pick the book that's going to save me the most money?; I'm pretty sure I've read it before, and I hate buying books I've already read
Beautiful Creatures pros: I want it BAD; it would cost me $9 for the Kindle version
Beautiful Creatures cons: the library has the hardback version, so I don't really have to buy it; I'm not sure if it's a book that I'll want to read over and over
Fallen pros: it looks like a good read- I like the sample I've read so far; the Kindle version is $9.99
Fallen cons: I don't want to read it as much as I want to read Beautiful Creatures; it's available in hardback from the library; not sure I'll want to re-read it
These Old Shades pros: it's not available through the library; the Kindle version is $9.59; I like Georgette Heyer and I've heard good things about this one
These Old Shades cons: I'm not dying to read it right this second- there are other books I'd like to read more
Instant Attraction pros: I've been wanting to read this author, and this book in particular; it's $8.96 on Kindle
Instant Attraction cons: it's available in trade paperback from the library
So what do you think? Any genius ideas on which book I should pick? And perhaps a better question, why am I stressing so much over which book to get for free? It's not like it's the last book I'll ever be allowed to read or something.
The Cinderella Deal by Jennifer Crusie
Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl
Fallen by Lauren Kate
These Old Shades by Georgette Heyer
Instant Attraction by Jill Shalvis
All of these books have points in their favor, and reasons why they aren't my #1 choice. My reading preference goes like this: ebook, print book, audiobook. Paperback vs hardback is a toss up. Hardbacks are heavier, but paperbacks are harder for me to hold open. Hardbacks are easier because they're logged in the library's computer by title, so I can reserve those titles and have them waiting together for me in one spot. Paperbacks aren't tracked by title, so I have to search the stacks and hope for the best. Either way, I have to actually go to the library to pick them up and return them. Digital books and audiobooks, whether I purchase them or download them from the library, are available from the comfort of home.
Crusie pros: I'll probably want to read it over and over again; it's available from the library but only in audio- I'd rather read it than listen to it; it's a paperback, so if the library does have it, I'll have to find it myself in the stacks
Crusie cons: less expensive than other options- shouldn't I pick the book that's going to save me the most money?; I'm pretty sure I've read it before, and I hate buying books I've already read
Beautiful Creatures pros: I want it BAD; it would cost me $9 for the Kindle version
Beautiful Creatures cons: the library has the hardback version, so I don't really have to buy it; I'm not sure if it's a book that I'll want to read over and over
Fallen pros: it looks like a good read- I like the sample I've read so far; the Kindle version is $9.99
Fallen cons: I don't want to read it as much as I want to read Beautiful Creatures; it's available in hardback from the library; not sure I'll want to re-read it
These Old Shades pros: it's not available through the library; the Kindle version is $9.59; I like Georgette Heyer and I've heard good things about this one
These Old Shades cons: I'm not dying to read it right this second- there are other books I'd like to read more
Instant Attraction pros: I've been wanting to read this author, and this book in particular; it's $8.96 on Kindle
Instant Attraction cons: it's available in trade paperback from the library
So what do you think? Any genius ideas on which book I should pick? And perhaps a better question, why am I stressing so much over which book to get for free? It's not like it's the last book I'll ever be allowed to read or something.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Cheap Trick, Part 2
Well, I was right. The Twist I predicted on page 55 came to pass. Maybe it was because it was so clear to me what was really going on, but I found this book very blah. There was no conflict, no spark. I'm glad the book was only 190 pages. There just wasn't enough story there to make it a typical single title book. In fact, I think this one would have been more successful as a story if it had been pared down a bit and put into an anthology.
Either that, or she needed to drop the idea of the Twist and let the reader in on the secret from the beginning. Then she could have brought in more secondary characters, more complications, more conflict, and expand the story to one that really deserves to stand on its own as a hardback. Because this book, as written, really isn't worth the hardback price, in my opinion.
Either that, or she needed to drop the idea of the Twist and let the reader in on the secret from the beginning. Then she could have brought in more secondary characters, more complications, more conflict, and expand the story to one that really deserves to stand on its own as a hardback. Because this book, as written, really isn't worth the hardback price, in my opinion.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Cheap Trick
I've been doing a lot of reading lately, and I'm currently working my way through A Matter of Class by Mary Balogh. It's billed as an Arraigned Marriage story with an Unexpected Twist! I was pretty sure I knew what the twist was by page 55. I'm on page 111 right now, and so far I've seen nothing to suggest that my guess is wrong.
If I'm right, it's not an Unexpected Twist! so much as a cheap writer's trick. The kind that you can only get away with once in your writing career. I used mine back in high school. M. Night Shyamalan used his with The Sixth Sense. Done well it can be tremendously effective. Unfortunately, these kind of tricks are often not done well, in my opinion.
The book is only 190 pages (in hardback, at hardback prices! I got mine at the library), so I expect to know if I was right or not by bedtime. I'll let you know. If I'm wrong, many apologies to Ms Balogh. But at this point, I really doubt I'm wrong.
If I'm right, it's not an Unexpected Twist! so much as a cheap writer's trick. The kind that you can only get away with once in your writing career. I used mine back in high school. M. Night Shyamalan used his with The Sixth Sense. Done well it can be tremendously effective. Unfortunately, these kind of tricks are often not done well, in my opinion.
The book is only 190 pages (in hardback, at hardback prices! I got mine at the library), so I expect to know if I was right or not by bedtime. I'll let you know. If I'm wrong, many apologies to Ms Balogh. But at this point, I really doubt I'm wrong.
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