Thursday, November 06, 2008

what I almost said to my mother- but didn't

Tonight I came as close as I ever have in my life to telling my mother to just shut up already. As you may have noticed from my last post, I didn't have the best day today. I warned her when she called that I was upset and in a bad mood. Instead of taking that as a request to lay off, she got offended. And then she went into full on nag mode.

About a month ago I made the huge, huge, God-why-did-I-open-my-mouth, mistake of saying that I was so frustrated with my medical care here in Houston that I might consider going up to Boston for treatment. She jumped on that with both feet, and that's all I've heard about since. She's gone so far as to talk to her doctors and hit up total strangers for referrals.

The last thing, the absolute dead last thing, I want is to move in with my parents for a couple of weeks. (Or months.) I'm hanging on to the last fraying thread of my independence here. I need my peace and quiet. As I said before, there is nothing peaceful or quiet about my mother. Living with her again would drive me straight up the wall.

Anyway, she started nagging me about calling other doctors and setting up appointments. She wants me to call someone in Boston for a referral in Houston. She wants me to call this doctor, and this doctor, and this doctor tomorrow and get information and schedule appointments. Do you want me to call for you? You should be in Boston. They have the best doctors in the world. Boston Medical Center, Mass General, Beth Israel Deaconess, blah, blah, blah. Have you called them yet? Are you on the phone with them now? I don't know why I'm even talking about this with you. I know what you're like when you dig in your feet about something.

Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP.

She very nearly had me in tears before I finally said "I just can't talk about this anymore." I'm so overwhelmed and stressed out right now. I've hit my limit. I can't cope with anything more right now. So please, Mom, just leave me alone.

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