Savings

So, I tried the shower curtain thing, and it worked! I threw it in the washer with a week's worth of dishcloths and a glug of bleach, and it came out ungunged and untorn. And as an added benefit, the bleach had some mountain clean/spring fresh/who comes up with these names? scent, and it's lingered on the shower curtain. So the shower is both unslimed and nice smelling. Yay! I priced liners at Walmart today, and they ran from $2 to $10. If I'd had to replace it I probably would have bought the $7.97 one, so this experiment has saved me $7.97! The old liner is in excellent condition, so I fully expect it to be around for at least another year or more with continued washing.

Walmart was a good deal for me all around today. I had my price book with me, and I found several things at a significant discount. Overall, I saved 27% over Kroger or Target pricing. And only two items were on sale, everything else was regular price. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that Walmart is cheaper all around. I didn't do a full price shop, but for the items I checked there were just as many higher priced as lower priced. But I'm pretty well stocked right now, so other than milk (I got home and realized my milk was seriously out of date- poor planning on my part) I don't really need anything else.

To top off my day of savings, I took a bag of books over to Half Price Books and made $5. More money in my pocket and less stuff around the house collecting dust. Sounds like a win/win to me!

Cleaning Up My Act

Anyone who's ever been in my apartment will know that I'm not much of a housekeeper. Even before I got sick, I'd avoid the household chores as much as possible. Now it's just really hard to find the energy to do what needs to be done around the house.

I'm not sure if it's maturity or perversity or the sheer amount of time I spend staring at these four walls, but lately I've been trying to keep things up a little better. I was actually doing pretty good right before I went back to work- the Lyrica gave me the energy to do a few chores, and things were starting to look only semi-horrible. It all fell apart quickly once I started working more than a couple of half days a week. Actually, the whole work thing fell apart pretty quickly, too. (Did I mention I'm back on disability? The Crohn's and Fibro both went to hell as soon as I started working consecutive days.) So now I'm back to square one-ish, trying to beat back the tide of clutter and mess.

One thing that's working for me, and I can't believe it is since it's never particularly worked before, is making a list. On Sunday I made a list of 31 things that I wanted to get done this week. (The 31 isn't significant; that's just how many things ended up on the list.) Many of them are 5 minute or less chores, like emptying the dishwasher or taking the bathroom rug outside and giving it a good shake. A few aren't technically "cleaning" chores, but more general organizational stuff, like paying a bill that's due this week or depositing a check. I've made lists like this a million times, and often only managed to complete a couple of items before losing interest. This time I've done 10 items so far, and I have 2 items partially completed. (They don't get crossed off the list until they're completely done. For example, the whites don't "count" as being washed until they've also been folded and put away.) To be sure that the list gets finished this time, I only put down things that I knew I'd actually do. (I knew there's no way I would dust this week, even if I put it on the list, so I didn't put it on the list. See how that works?)

The one thing I'm most proud of accomplishing off that list is vacuuming. I know anyone reading this who doesn't have health problems is probably thinking "big whoop, she vacuumed". But for those of us with Fibro or related conditions, vacuuming is a Big Deal. It hurts. I had to take a Darvocet today because I hurt so bad from vacuuming yesterday. But I feel so much better emotionally, knowing that it's done. It had been a very long time since this place was vacuumed, and the floor was completely disgusting. I could have made myself a whole new cat out of the fur I pulled out of the filter when I emptied the vacuum canister. Pain or not, I'm going to have to start doing that more often.

My big goal for the day is to wash the shower curtain liner. According to some of the ladies in the frugality group on Rav, it is possible throw your shower curtain liner in the washing machine when it gets gungy and moldy, instead of throwing it out and buying a new one. I hope so, because once I've run it through the washer that's it. If it tears I can't put off replacing it. So cross your fingers. I know it's only a couple of bucks for a new one, but I'd just as soon keep those couple of dollars in my pocket, and anyway I don't feel like going out today to buy a new one.

Cheerful and On Wheels

I wrote this blog post long hand last week and never managed to get it typed up. Other, less cheerful, things interrupted. But I'm still working on it, it's still a goal, so I decided to put it out there anyway. So, here's last Wednesday's "Cheerful and On Wheels".

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I'm stealing this blog title/attitude from Jennifer Crusie (http://jennycrusie.blogspot.com/2006/02/cheerful-and-on-wheels.html) because it perfectly describes where I want to be: happy and healthy (cheerful) and out in the world living my life (on wheels) instead of grumpy and stuck in the house, which is where I've been lately. Also, because Jenny's writing always makes me happy, and I once flew from Houston to Boston just to go to one of her book signings. (OK, also to spend the weekend with my parents, but mostly it was for Crusie.)

I started with the "on wheels" part today quite literally. The car was due for its state inspection, and then I had to replace two tires. But at least I won't die in a horrible, fiery crash on the freeway tomorrow when I drive all over town for doctors' appointments and medical treatments. (Cheerful! On wheels!)

Also, I'm very happy that my critique group is getting together tonight for the first time since last fall. The two other ladies in the group are smart and kind and supportive and generally fun to be around. (Cheerful!) We're all writing in different genres, but the fresh perspective means that we often see things that the others miss. It gets me out of the house and socializing two nights a month, and that can only be good for me. (On wheels!)

I don't know how much of my own work I'll be sharing right away. It takes a lot of mental energy to write, and poor Daisy has been languishing for months. She's a great character, though, and I look forward to working with her again. Daisy is funny and smart (Cheerful!), and she's got goals that no fairy boss or supernatural race war is going to stop her from achieving. (On wheels! Big time!)

In fact, I could take a lesson or two from Daisy. No stinkin' disease is going to keep me down either.

Good Books

Apparently the expression "it never rains but it pours" applies to good things, too. Or at least good books. The library has been very good to me recently. I spent a good chunk of the day today in bed reading Dark of Night by Suzann Brockmann. And then I ran over to the library to pick up a couple of books that I'd put on hold- Bone Crossed by Patricia Briggs, The Sharing Knife: Horizon by Lois McMaster Bujold, and Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. And last week I checked out What I Did For Love by Susan Elizabeth Phillips that I haven't had a chance to read yet. All are by favorite authors, except Hoffman who I've never read but wanted to for a while.

Maybe I'm just a giant book geek, but nothing gives me quite the thrill of reading a book by a favorite author. And nothing is quite so good as spending a rainy day tucked into bed with the cat curled up at my feet and a good book. It's been rainy and cold for a couple of days now. Ideal reading weather. Other than doing the laundry and a few other necessary chores, I plan to spend tomorrow the same way. Yippie!

Math Problem

If you have a 12 lbs cat who plows through a 4 lbs bag of cat food every month at the rate of 1/2 cup per day, or approximately 1 lbs of cat food per week, how long before you go broke?

Today I went to the vet to pick up more food for the cat. Before I bought anything I asked about less expensive options. I love my cat, and I want him to be healthy. A few years ago he developed a giant bladder stone that had to be surgically removed. We would both prefer he not develop another one. That means special (read: expensive) food. According to the woman I talked to, he's already on the most affordable option. So, since there weren't any other brands to try, I decided to save a few bucks by getting a larger bag. The optimal price was on a 20 lbs bag. But Mr. Picky might not eat it if it gets too stale, and the smaller bags are resealable, where the larger ones aren't. So I compromised with a non-resealable 10 lbs bag. Now I just need to get a container to keep it semi-fresh and pest-free, and I'll be all set.

Savings for buying the medium bag instead of the small bag over a 10 week period? $6.51, or approximately $33.85 over the course of a year. The savings for buying the large bag are even better, but it's only savings if he'll actually eat all of it, so we'll see how the medium bag goes first. And that's just at the vet's office. I need to price it over at Petsmart- I may save even more buying it there.

I also went ahead and put my Netflix subscription on hold. I have a whole Tivo full of stuff that I haven't watched yet- including today's Doctor Who marathon on SciFi. Woo hoo!- so it just didn't make sense to keep paying right now. The hold will be up in 90 days, so I'll re-evaluate then.

And, I made a few bucks off Amazon! Earlier this week I was shuffling things around on my bookshelf, trying to make room for my library books. It just wasn't going to happen. So I started pulling the stuff I knew I wouldn't be reading again to sell at Half Price. You never get much for anything there, but at least it's out of the house. And then I remembered Amazon. So I checked my pile. When I list stuff on Amazon I like to shoot for the new lowest price, or at the very least the second or third lowest price. Makes it more likely that you'll make a quick sale. Well not all of the books were worth listing, but half a dozen of them were. So I listed them, and I've already sold two! I've cleared $5 after paying for shipping. Again, it's not big money, but every little bit helps. Not bad for half an hour's messing around and a quick trip to the post office. And that's just a couple of the books I listed. With any luck a few more will go and I'll make another $5 or $10. And I still have ten or twelve books to sell at Half Price. That'll bring in another dollar or two. Next I'll have to go through my CD collection.

Between cutting bills and finding ways to earn a couple extra bucks, I've been able to save $81.93 this week. Not bad!

Negative Progress

I've been feeling kind of whiny and negative lately, and made a commitment yesterday to be more positive in my blog posts. So of course, I'm here today to complain.

I had an appointment with my Rheumatologist this afternoon. During the appointment she reviewed my meds with me, and asked why I was taking Lyrica. What do you mean, why am I taking Lyrica? You prescribed it to me. Don't you know? I left the office with a prescription for another short course of Prednisone, even though she just put me on one about 6 weeks ago. I was hoping to walk out of there with some new treatment or dosage change or something to help me get through the work day and allow me to go back to work full time. I might as well not have gone at all.

And just to make my day a little brighter, the toilet's broken and it won't stop running. I called to report it an hour ago, and no one has shown up yet to fix it. I'm beginning to wonder who's dog I ran over in a past life.

There was one bright spot in my day though. I had lunch with my best friend, who I hadn't seen in ages. I confessed to her something that I haven't admitted here yet. (At least, I don't think so. Gotta love the memory like a sieve.) I've been thinking, in a very vague "gee, wouldn't it be nice" kind of way, that maybe I'd sort of, kind of, like to try dating again. Maybe. To put this in perspective, the last time I went on a date we watched the first Harry Potter movie. In the theater. When I expressed my nerves at the thought, she pointed out that guys are people, too, and dating is really just two people spending some time together. According to her, by that definition we were on a date right then! We decided that since I was wearing a new sweater with a lot of cleavage hanging out, and that we'd both complimented each other on our hair, it was a very successful date. Now I just need to try it with a boy. Yikes!

Update: The toilet's fixed! If only the solution to my health problems (or my love life) was so simple.

Wading Through Mud

Today was another frustrating day. Sometimes it feels like the air itself is pressing down on me, holding me in place. It takes super human effort just to do the minimum. And that's mentally, too. I find myself groping for words. The other day I couldn't remember the term "caller id". I'm sitting there at my desk, floundering, a complete blank, while my boss smirks because I can't for the life of me finish the sentence I just started. I know that everyone draws a blank occasionally, but it happens to me all the time. I couldn't remember the word "optimistic" or the name of a business I'd just seen a commercial for either. I make lists, multiple lists every day. But a list can only take you so far.

I have another appointment with my Rheumatologist in a couple of weeks. I need to discuss all this with her. But before I do, I really need to figure out exactly what I want. "To feel good" isn't enough of an answer. Not if I can't articulate what is bad and what I want help with. The memory stuff is at least easy to describe. (Whether it's easy to treat is a whole 'nother question.) My second problem- the pain and fatigue- I'm less sure how I want to handle.

When I was first diagnosed, my doctor put me on Lyrica. It helped tremendously the first night. I woke up the next morning, and I didn't hurt. Until you've been in constant pain for months on end, you have no idea how amazing it is to wake up one morning with no pain. It didn't last long. I was hurting again within a couple of hours. But those few pain-free hours were bliss.

As I started to feel better, I started doing more stuff, taking better care of myself. That increased activity caused more pain and fatigue. So my doctor gave me a pain medication. Here's where I need to decide what I want. The pain medication she gave me is a narcotic. To me, it seems ridiculous to be taking a narcotic pain med for body aches. OK, so they're body aches with 'roid rage, but still. In my mind narcotics should be for agonizing pain. Rarely do any of my aches and pains reach the level of agonizing. It's just when you add them all together that they become more than I can take.

So. I feel that narcotics are stronger than what I "should" need. But when I do break down and take one- every couple of days or so- it only takes the edge off. It doesn't completely kill the pain. It often makes me dizzy and even less with-it mentally than normal, but it doesn't erase the pain. Clearly there's a disconnect here somewhere. The pills are strong enough that I wouldn't want to work or drive while taking them, but not strong enough to take care of my pain. I don't think that my pain is bad enough to justify them, but when I do take them they don't do enough.

I can ask for a different pain medication, but with Crohn's I have to be very careful which ones I take. NSAIDs and asprin can be dangerous because they can cause damage to the stomach and intestines with prolonged use. (And I don't see any of this going away any time in the near future.) I can ask for a higher dose of Lyrica, although I know from accidentally taking my evening dose of 2 pills instead of my morning dose of 1 pill that the higher dose during the day makes me really loopy and unfit for work or driving, too. So the only other option would be to try something else entirely.

What I really want is to not have any pain and therefore not need any of these medications. But that's not my reality. Why is it that dealing with the Fibro is so much harder for me than dealing with the Crohn's was? Maybe I had more energy to deal with the first diagnosis because I was coming to that fresh. I've had two years of bad health now, and I just don't have the energy to be sick anymore. Maybe the fact that Crohn's put me in the hospital for two weeks drove home the fact that this was a serious situation that I couldn't ignore. If I never get out of bed nothing much hurts. So if I stay in bed I can pretend the Fibro doesn't exist, right?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Falling Over

Am I the only one who doesn't enjoy "springing forward"? Personally, I'd be more than happy to "fall back" a couple times a year. Urg.

I am excited about a recipe I'll be trying for dinner tonight, though. (I may be sleep deprived, but it's not all gloom and doom!) I found a link to it on another blog by a family that's frugal and gluten free. Glad to know there's more of us out there! Anyway, it's called Sausage Polenta Bake. I seasoned up some lean ground turkey to use as my sausage a little bit ago, and I'll start on the rest of the recipe in about an hour. I'll let you know how it goes!

I hit Super Target on Friday after work, and the results were surprisingly mixed. I was pretty tired, so I didn't check everything on my list. But what I did check was all over the map. Some things were way higher and others way lower. The general advice is to do groceries at the grocery store and toiletries at places like Walmart or Target. Well I haven't checked Walmart yet, but in many cases the toiletries were cheaper at the grocery store and the groceries were cheaper at Target! I haven't fully analysed my results, and I still have Walmart, HEB, and Whole Foods to price check, but between Kroger and Target, there doesn't seem to be a clear "winner". So I guess the days of one stop shopping are over, at least as long as I'm being frugal.

I was looking at the account options on the Netflix website, and discovered that you can put your account on hold for up to 90 days. That sounds like the perfect solution. I was looking at my DVD shelf this morning, and there are a ton of great movies and TV series on there that I haven't watched in ages. A lot of my favorite TV shows have new episodes right now, so there's always something to watch on the Tivo. And since I've finally made it through all the New Who, it seems like this is a good time to take a break. I'll probably want to start up again over the summer anyway, since so much of what plays over the summer is reality crap. (Although Leverage is coming back for a summer season. Yay!) It looks like putting the account on hold will allow me to come back at the same price, where cancelling and restarting gives me no price guarantees. So that's a bonus, too.

I finished the blanket I was working on for my mom's friend! I was worried because I ran out of one of the colors about 2/3 of the way through, but it actually looks like an artistic choice, not an oops!, so I think I'm OK. Now I just have to weave in about half a million ends, and then I can wash it and mail it. If I'm good, and the stars align, I might get it out in the mail on Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm sort of considering rooting through the stash and making one for myself. There's a boat load of Caron in my closet just waiting for me to find a project for it. But not right away! I have three baby sweaters to complete in the next 6 weeks or so. After that I can work on something for me. Assuming of course that someone else hasn't broken something or birthed something. I'm not holding my breath!

Working the Plan

I started working on my price book today. I went to one grocery store and it took me two hours to write down the prices for everything on my list. Holy cow. This frugal living stuff ain't for sissies. One down, four more to go.

Tomorrow is dedicated to chores around the house. Am I the only one who feels like cleaning house is bailing with a teaspoon? I swear the sink magically fills with dirty dishes every time I walk out of the kitchen. It's unreal. Unfortunately, it's also necessary. Not only is it required for health and sanity, apparently it's also part of living frugal. I was reading The Complete Tightwad Gazette last night and came across the following: "Housecleaning. This should be your first interior design consideration." Bummer. At least I have a couple of audiobooks to listen to while I work.

In crafting news, I'm making great progress on the lap blanket I started over the weekend. One of my mom's friends had to go in for surgery to fix a broken hip. She had chemo and radiation a couple years back for cancer, and evidently it destroyed her bones. There wasn't a lot they could do because there isn't much bone left. The blanket isn't much, but it's the best I can do long distance. It's squishy and warm and cozy, and I hope it at least gives her some comfort. I really like this pattern. http://cache.lionbrand.com/patterns/70171A.html I modified it a bit. I didn't have the recommended yarns, so I used some Red Heart Soft from my stash. (Frugality!) It's the first time I've used this yarn, and I'm less than impressed. Because of the striping I've been into six different skeins, and I've come across at least half a dozen knots. There've also been several slubs- spots where there were odd lumps or wads in the yarn. It's knitting up into a lovely, cozy fabric. But the knitting experience hasn't been all I could have hoped.

Well, this has been a grumpy post, huh? OK, here's something funny. While checking prices at Kroger this afternoon I checked out cider vinegar. I'm not much of a vinegar person- I don't really care for the taste. But I've been looking for gluten-free bread recipes, and everything I've found calls for cider vinegar. They had multiple sizes, and of course as the bottles get bigger it gets less expensive per ounce. The 64 oz bottle was the biggest I could imagine using. But just out of curiosity I checked the gallon jugs on the bottom shelf. It was the same price as the 64 oz bottle. Twice the product for the same price! I don't know what the heck I'd do with a gallon of cider vinegar, but it's cheap! I've only just started checking prices, so I might find a better deal in a smaller quantity somewhere else. But in the meantime I'll be searching the internet for uses for cider vinegar!

Cheapskating

Like everyone else, I'm worried about the economy and what it may mean to my job and personal finances. Six months ago I was in a much better position financially, but this disability leave pretty much killed my savings. It's a scary place to be- not well, in serious jeopardy of having my job eliminated, and no savings to fall back on. So I've decided to join the frugality movement.

My first step was to start following the money saving discussions on Ravelry. There are some surprisingly lively ones. Some of the suggestions (get rid of your car!) just aren't for me. Some of them (cook more from scratch!) I'm already trying to do. But there are a few things I'm considering.

1. Get rid of Netflix. Yes, I know I love Netflix. But as I ease my way back into a normal work schedule I have a lot less time to watch TV. Tivo commonly records two shows at a time, and sometimes it takes me more than a week to get around to watching something. In the summer, when scripted shows go on hiatus and it's reality programming 24/7, I can consider starting up again. But for right now, I'm not getting enough value out of the membership.

2. Get rid of a gym membership. I have been unforgivably lazy about this. I have a 24 Hour Fitness membership, and I literally haven't used it in years. I figure I've wasted at least a thousand dollars on this thing. It's time to go.

3. The library. The Houston library has an excellent selection, and I can reserve books online and pick them up at my local branch. It's like Amazon, except free! My taxes, and late fees, pay for this service, so why not use it? I received a couple of gift certificates for Christmas, and I'll use those for anything I absolutely must have. (Sarah Addison Allen's next book is due out this spring!) Once the gc's are gone, I won't be buying books for a while.

4. Unplug. I've heard this advice for years- unplug all appliances and chargers when not in use. I have a friend who goes so far as to trip the breakers before she leaves her apartment every day. I'm not prepared to go that far. If nothing else, I don't relish resetting all the clocks every day. But I do have my computer, TV, DVD player and VCR on power cords that I switch off when not in use. I just started this over the weekend, so I have no idea what kind of effect it will have on my electric bill. But I'm willing to give it a try.

5. Adjust the thermostat. This is one I've always done when I leave the house. Turn the temperature up in the summer and down in the winter if I'm going to be out. I've also tried to use the heat as little as possible this winter. I have hand knit socks to keep my feet warm and a cat to keep my lap warm. I'd rather throw on a sweatshirt and keep it a little cooler in here. I don't like sleeping with the ceiling fan on, but this summer I may try an oscillating fan in the evenings before bed.

6. A price book. This one is going to take some work. There are two grocery stores, a Super Walmart and a Super Target all within a couple miles of my apartment. I'm going to start tracking prices at all four places so that I can buy things for the best price possible. I've been working on a list of items I buy regularly, and I'm a little surprised at how long it is. Some of it is stuff I buy almost every week- milk, apples, lettuce. Some of it I only buy a couple of times a year- shampoo, toothpaste. I figure it will take a little while to recognize when something is a particularly good deal. But once I have a better idea of what the really good prices are, and get in a good rotation so that I can only hit one or two stores a week, hopefully I'll be able to shave some money off the monthly food and sundries bill.

My goal, because when you start a plan like this I think it's important to have a way to measure your success, is to put at least $5,000 back into my savings account between now and the end of the year. I'd love for that number to be $10,000, but I think five is more realistic. If anyone has any great money saving tips, I'd love to hear them. I believe my goal is achievable, but it's going to take some work and creativity to get there.

Back to Work

I went to work for four hours today- the first time I've worked since I went out on disability six months ago. It was... less than successful, at least from my point of view.

Two hours in I was already checking the clock, wondering how much longer I'd have to be there. By the end of the day I couldn't believe how angry and aggressive I was feeling. I walked in feeling positive and ready to get back into the swing, and I left feeling like I wanted to strangle something.

I know it's incredibly ungrateful in this economy to feel this way about a job, and it's especially silly to feel this way about a job with excellent insurance considering my health situation. But after four hours I know I don't want to be there anymore. I just don't know what the heck I'm going to do about it yet.

The bread dough that ate New York

I decided to take another whack at crockpot baking. I tried a blueberry bread about a month ago, and it was a bit of a disaster- the bottom and sides burned before the center finished cooking. This time I mixed up a batch of Whole Foods brand gluten-free sandwich bread. I love this stuff. The texture is similar to regular wheat bread, and the mix runs about $3.50 a box. Pricey, but nothing like the $7.99 (!!!!) a loaf they charge for the ready baked loaves in the refrigerated case.

My one problem with this mix is that it doesn't fit well in my bread machine. It's supposed to be a 1.5 lbs loaf. Back in my gluten-eating days, when I made a wheat loaf that size in my machine it was big, but not too big for the machine. When I make a loaf with this stuff it grows up over the edge of the pan. One memorable loaf, meant as my contribution to a Thanksgiving dinner I'd been invited to of course, grew over the edge of the pan, down the side, and onto the heating element at the bottom of the machine. I set the smoke alarm off with that one.

So, I was very excited to see that the Crockpot Lady, my personal hero, made a loaf of this in her crockpot. Problem solved! I though. Maybe not so much. As you can see from the picture above, the dough grew to completely fill my 4qt crockpot. Fortunately, it stopped before pushing off the lid, but it was a close thing. It's smelling nice and bready in here, and the edges have pulled away from the sides and have browned up nicely. But the top is still raw. I just hope it cooks through before the bottom burns again.

Why does this mix get so humongous for me? Is it the level of humidity here in Houston? Bad luck? Am I going to have to give in and start using my oven? If so I'm going to have to make two loaves at a time. There's no way all that bread dough is going into one loaf pan.

This baking stuff is getting complicated. I'll let you know how it all turns out.

Meds on TV

I've learned a lot about medications in the last two years. One of the unexpected side effects is that sometimes I recognize the names of drugs on TV shows. It gave me a chuckle last year when a couple of characters on CSI were all freaked out about a coworker taking zolpidem. Uh, zolpidem is Ambien, folks. There are only about a bajillion Americans on that stuff.



The one that made me smile tonight was Eleventh Hour. (Yes, I know today is Tuesday and it runs on Thursday. I'm a little behind on my Tivo watching.) Toward the end of the episode Hood found a bottle of pills. He rattled them and then said it was anti-tumor necrosis factor. Sounds fancy, huh? Know what that is? Remicade, Humira, or Cimzia. Know what's even funnier? To the best of my knowledge, anti-TNF doesn't come in pill form. Remicade is administered by IV and Humira and Cimzia are both injections. After watching the episode I deleted it, like most everything else. I tried to recover it to watch that scene again, but it was gone. I wanted to double check, because the character had pancreatic cancer. According to a quick online check, anti-TNF would not be used as a treatment for that. It's TNF that's used to treat cancer. It's still given by injection, though.



I haven't watched it in a couple of months, but I've also noticed that the same characters throw out the same possible diagnoses every week on House. And they like to prescribe Imuran (azathioprine) and Prednisone. Been on both of those, too.

I'm not sure what it says about me that I recognize so many meds on TV. Either I take too many medications or I watch too much TV. Or possibly both.

DS Lite as ebook reader?

I just heard that you can use a DS Lite as an ebook reader. $150 for an ereader? Sweet! (Kindle, for those who don't know, is $359, and the new Sony 700 is $399. And then you have to buy the actual books.) Does anyone know anything about this? I have many questions.

1. What is the screen like? I've rejected the idea of reading ebooks on a cell phone because the screen is just too small. I want something more substantial, closer to the size of a real paperback book. I know DS Lite has two screens, so it's supposedly visually more like reading a regular book. I'm just worried about how big those screens are.

2. Can I buy books anywhere? I've compared prices for a couple of books I want, and the Kindle prices were better than Sony or Fictionwise. Can I buy a Kindle version and put it on a DS Lite? Am I limited to certain sources of ebooks?

3. How hard is it to get the books onto the unit? I am techno-deficient. Some days getting this blog to post properly is beyond me. I don't have the knowledge, time, or patience to fiddle endlessly with formats, trying to get the text to play nice with the unit. Is it simple or am I going to have problems?

As I said, I'm pretty ignorant of this technology stuff. I'm sure there are things I should ask that I haven't thought of yet. If anyone can share some info about using the DS as an ebook reader, I'd be really grateful.

Living for Today

I like reading other people's blogs. That's probably why I have one of my own. I enjoy the little snapshots of people's lives- the things that make them happy, the things that make them sad, that new and exciting (or annoying) thing their kid/spouse/boss/other did yesterday. I like to check out the patterns they're knitting and ponder the philosophical questions along with them. Sometimes I comment, sometimes I just think. This time it's inspired my own blog post.

I came across a couple posts on different blogs tonight about taking life one day at a time. Focusing on solving today's challenges and leaving tomorrow's and yesterday's challenges alone. There is a certain wisdom in that. But it doesn't work so well when you've got a chronic illness.

The only reason I made it through today is because I planned for it yesterday. The only way I'll make it through tomorrow is by I laying the foundation today. Before I got sick I could fly by the seat of my pants if I had to. Sure, the day always goes smoother if the laundry's done and the meals are planned. But in a pinch I could get up early and run a load of laundry, and if I had to run through the drive through to pick up dinner, no big deal. I can't do that anymore. I always have to be prepared. I need that hour of sleep in the morning. I literally cannot function without it. And yes, I could go through the drive through if it was that or starve, but I'll pay for it big time afterwards.

I understand that they were perhaps talking about bigger things than the day-to-day necessities. I don't have time for the big problems. The small problems take up too much of my energy. And anyway, I know that some day my Crohn's is going to land me back in the hospital, possibly with major surgery. If you know it's going to happen, you don't have to worry about it anymore. It'll get here when it gets here. But the small things can back up on me quickly, and suddenly I have major problems that could have been prevented. If I wear myself out too much I end up stuck at home, in bed and in pain, for days at a time. If I don't make sure that I have gluten-free food that's full of nutrients and easy to digest I get even more tired. Or worse, I end up sick in the bathroom, which causes other problems that you don't want to know about.

I've had memory problems for months that I now know were caused by the Fibromyalgia. (Mom and I have affectionately named it "swiss cheese brain".) I forget stuff. All the time. And even if I remember something, I have a hard time applying that knowledge. For instance, I'll know that I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday. I'll remind myself every day that week of this appointment on Thursday. I can know that it's Wednesday. And yet, my brain doesn't make the next logical connection. The appointment is Thursday. Today is Wednesday. Therefore, the appointment is tomorrow. I can't tell you how frustrating that is. I've always considered myself a reasonably intelligent person. It's disheartening to have "duh" moments on such a regular basis.

It may not seem like such a big deal, to not realize you've got an appointment tomorrow, until you factor in all those little details. I have to figure out where the appointment is. I have to be sure there's gas in the car. I have to be sure I have appropriate clothing to wear. A list of current meds. Food for breakfast. Cash for parking. Change for tolls. Each of those perfectly ordinary, every day items is a discrete event, requiring thought and planning (and energy) on my part. I have to think about all of it, and plan it, before I can do it. It's exhausting.

Actually, now that I think about it, it's probably like having a baby. You have to pack for any eventuality. The only difference is, there's no sweet little baby cooing up at you as pay off. You're reward for surviving the day is- to twist one of my favorite author's lines- another day to survive.

So that's why "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof" doesn't work for me. If I don't plan for tomorrow's evil it comes along and smacks me in the back of the head. And my poor old noggin can't take much more abuse.

Is this making any sense? I feel like I'm not expressing myself well. Time for bed.

Ouch!

I have a killer toothache right now. I'm trying to distract myself so that it won't hurt so bad, but it's not working very well. Ouch, ouch, ouch!

I talked to my boss this afternoon, and we've picked a day for me to go back to work- Feb 24.

I went to the hair dresser this afternoon and got my hair done. The last time I went was October, so it was getting pretty desperate. I had her put some copper highlights in with the blond for a little more pop. She decided to flatiron my hair (when I'm in her chair I pretty much let her do anything non-permanent she wants to my head), and I walked out of there looking a bit like a member of a 80's era hair band. It'll be back to it's usual frizzy/curly state tomorrow.

Sorry, I can't concentrate tonight. My tooth hurts too damn much. I'm about 5 minutes away from tracking down a pair of pliers and taking care of it myself. I've been told the tooth needs to come out, but the earliest they could get me in to see the oral surgeon was the 24th. The day I'm supposed to go back to work. And that's just for a consultation. I'm going to call and see if there's any way they can squeeze me in on an emergency basis. I can't take this for another two weeks. And anyway, if they wait that long it might screw up my Remicade schedule.

Ouch, ouch, ouch!

Tortilla Stew

I converted my first conventional recipe to a crockpot recipe tonight, and it was goooood. I took my Uncle Gov's tortilla soup recipe, made a few changes, and threw it all in the pot. One of the changes was to add a cup of rice toward the end of the cooking time. The rice soaked up a lot of the liquid, so it's not particularly soupy anymore, so I'm calling it Tortilla Stew instead. Here it is if you'd like to try it.

Becky's Tortilla Stew

1/2 onion
2 heaping spoonfuls of chopped garlic- maybe 3 cloves or so
1 tablespoon butter or olive oil
1- 14.5 oz can tomato sauce
2 cans chicken broth
3-4 skinless chicken breasts
1 can black beans
1 cup frozen corn
1 cup uncooked rice
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
2 teaspoons coriander
1 teaspoon chili powder

Cut chicken in approximately one inch cubes. Finely chop the onion. Heat fry pan and melt butter. Saute onion and garlic until tender. While that's cooking, pour the chicken broth and tomato sauce into crockpot. Stir to combine. Rinse beans and add to crockpot. Add corn to crockpot. When the onions and garlic are done add to crockpot. Sprinkle chicken with salt and pepper to taste and brown in fry pan. Add to crockpot. Add spices and stir to combine. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or high for 3-4 hours. In the last half hour add the rice, stir, and cover. When rice is tender serve, topped with chopped cilantro, avocado, grated cheese, or sour cream.

ETA: It looks like 1 cup of rice is too much, at least if you want something soupy. There was some liquid the first night, but it was totally absorbed by the time I broke out the leftovers the next day. It made a flavorful rice dish, but there's no way you could call it soup. Next time, if I want soup I'll try 1/3 cup uncooked rice and see how that works.

Changes

As you can see if you've ever been here before, I've made a few changes to the blog. I've been bopping around reading other people's blogs lately and decided it was time to blow the dust off around here. I was sick of the green. This is much cleaner. I'll probably make a few more changes- maybe add some pictures if I can figure out how. If you've got any suggestions I'd love to hear them. Blog design is most definitely not my area of expertise.

Yummy, yummy yogurt

So, Wednesday night I made another batch of yogurt. This time I tried a slightly different method- I heated the milk to boiling on the stove top and brought it back down to temp in a cold water bath before adding the starter and wrapping it up for the night. The resulting yogurt was much milder than the crockpot version. The milk itself might have made a difference, too. When I went to HEB they had half gallons of organic milk on sale for $2 a piece (when I bought milk for my last batch of yogurt they were $2.99 a piece), but they were out of skim so I had to use 1%.

Whether it was the method or the fat, this batch of yogurt is gooood. The flavor is so mild that there's no need to add any honey. I just mixed in some diced apple and homemade granola and breakfast is served.

I will probably use the crockpot to make yogurt again at some point, but for right now the stove top version is my method of choice. With the crockpot it was hard for me to be available to start it, stop it, stir it at the right times. Even being off work, I'd be napping or at a PT appointment or I'd forget to start it and then I'd have to stay up late to finish it. With the stove top version, as long as I've got a half hour to spare I can do it and be done.

In the meantime, I found another use for my crockpot- chicken nuggets. I made the Crockpot Lady's chicken nugget recipe for dinner tonight, and they were yum. http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2008/09/crockpot-chicken-nuggets-recipe.html
I will definitely be making these again. I used tortilla crumbs for the breading, seasoned with onion and garlic powder and seasoning salt. They were a little tortilla-ee, so I may consider trying a different gluten-free bread crumb option. Maybe I'll crush up some Glutino pretzels and make a pretzel crust. Although at $6 a bag, the Glutino pretzels may be a little pricey to use in cooking.

It's only 9:30 but I'm getting tired. I think it's off to bed for me.

Disaster!

My yogurt. It did not yoge. I got it started as usual last night, but this morning instead of waking up to a batch of tangy delicious yogurt I found a crockpot full of slightly weird smelling milk. I ended up eating leftovers for breakfast instead. I suspect that either it was too cool in the apartment for it to "take" or there wasn't enough live culture left in the yogurt I used as a starter. That'll teach me to wait until I'm out of yogurt to make more.

Ouch

I think I over did it yesterday. Today, all day long, I just hurt. Definitely the worst day since I started on the Fibromyalgia meds. Maybe one of the worst days ever. Ouch. I laid down for a nap this afternoon and ended up sleeping hard for three hours. I felt a little better when I woke up, but still. Ouch.

I've been doing a little research, and while I haven't found much solid info so far, it looks like there are some dietary recommendations for people with Fibromyalgia. Of course, there's always the general "eat a well balanced, low fat diet." Well duh. The other two recommendations may be a little harder to swallow. Hur.

The first is a high protein/low carb diet. I already try to work lean protein into my diet whenever possible. Mostly chicken or turkey, eggs, and non-fat dairy. Fish less often, because the good quality stuff tends to be more expensive, and I'm not as comfortable cooking fish as I am with other meats. I don't digest pork and especially beef well these days, so I avoid them where I can. The low carb part of the program worries me. I know I can't go hog wild, and I've already cut a certain amount of carbohydrate out of my diet with the gluten free thing. But rice and potatoes are my go-to foods when my guts are misbehaving, and I worry about losing them.

The second Fibro dietary recommendation is also a real blow. Anything in the nightshade family. That means tomatoes and potatoes. Also peppers, but I've mostly cut those out of my diet already for Crohn's-related reasons. Tomatoes and potatoes. That hurts. I love them both, and eat them both regularly. Ouch.

Of course I couldn't imagine giving up wheat either, and here I am gluten-free and thriving. So maybe I can do it. Maybe I'll at least try. But I don't know. It's going to take a lot of thinking and a couple more days like today before I'm willing to take that leap.

Learning to Eat My Vegetables

One of the first things we did after I was diagnosed was request a consultation with a dietician. If you're diagnosed with a gastrointestinal disease it only makes sense to talk to an expert about what to eat, right? We talked for a while, and she left me with a handout that I like to call the Naughty List. It's a list of everything that I shouldn't eat while my guts were healing. On the list is anything hard to digest, including most vegetables and especially all raw vegetables.

Now that the inflammation seems to be under control it's time to get brave and start eating vegetables again. So last night I had a salad with dinner. A salad! I realize for most people that would be, "Ho hum. Just another Wednesday night." But I hadn't had a salad in almost two years. It was a big deal. If I could have figured out how to stick birthday candles in it to celebrate, I would have. I've used most of an onion in various recipes in the last week. And tomorrow I'm taking a real leap. I'm making the Crock Pot Lady's Fish Chowder with corn. (Corn is the boogie man of us Crohnies. It can cause blockages when your pipes are narrowed due to inflammation.) (Sorry, I know. TMI.)

If all goes well with the corn, maybe I'll swing by Fadi's next week and have some cauliflower! Mmmm. Fadi's.

Oh Happy Day!

Health, like many things, exists on a continuum. On one end there is Healthy, Energetic, and Strong and on the other end there is Dog Turd. I've spent most of the last seven or eight months, and far too much of the last two years, on the Dog Turd end of the spectrum. Today I realized as I was singing in the shower that I'm rapidly inching my way toward Healthy, Energetic. Strong coming right up. Happy day, indeed!

I really think the new meds are making a difference. I also think that getting a little more strict about the gluten free thing is helping, too. It's amazing how easy it is to get lazy about something even when you know you'll suffer for it.

I made the yogurt overnight Saturday! I was a little worried it wouldn't set up, but it came out perfect. Sunday morning I had a big bowl of yogurt with honey and cinnamon stirred in, and granola on top. This morning I had the same, but I added half a chopped apple. Yum! Tomorrow I'm going to add a some vanilla. Can't wait. (It takes so little to make me happy!)

The next crockpot experiment will be bread. Whole Foods makes an excellent gluten free bread mix, but it expands too much to fit comfortably in my bread machine. (I tried to make a loaf to take with me to a friend's house for Thanksgiving, but it grew up and over the side of the pan and burned on the heating element. Man did that smoke!) The Crockpot Lady made bread in the crockpot, and it worked for her. I never would have thought to try it that way. So we'll see how it goes. I also picked up the ingredients to make granola. Homemade granola with my homemade yogurt? Sounds like a plan.

Tomorrow, if I'm still feeling perky, I want to move the furniture around in the living room. The goal is to have the treadmill in a position where I can walk and watch TV at the same time. I have plans for that treadmill, but I'm not ready to share yet. Let me get it moved around first.

News

Good news: My long term disability was finally approved. Yay!

Good news: I had my first appointment with the new Rheumatologist this week, and I really like her.

Bad news: She thinks I have Fibromyalgia in addition to Crohn's.

But that's actually good news because: Now we have a new direction for treatment, and I'm hopeful that I'll get my health under control soon and get back to a normal life.

Fantastic news: I took my first dose of Fibro meds last night, and I woke up feeling rested this morning, for the first time in months. Of course, I slept for 10 hours, but still!

Good news: She thinks that some of my joint pain is due to alignment issues. If that's the case, physical therapy should correct the problem and hopefully the pain will go away.

Bad news: The PT group she referred me to is out-of-network, and it's more than I can afford on disability. I'm going to call her office on Monday and see if she works with anyone else who might be in-network.

Weird news: She thinks I may have sleep apnea, so she's sending me for a sleep study. (She asked if anyone has told me that I snore, but unfortunately the cat's not talking.)

Fun news: I came across a recipe for making yogurt in the crockpot and bought supplies on my way home from the doctor's office yesterday. I can't wait to try it out! I love my crockpot. Yummy, healthy food with fresh ingredients and minimal work? I'm so there.

Sad news: I finally finished watching Torchwood series 2. Now I've got to wait for more episodes. I'm half considering upgrading my cable to include BBCA so that I can watch the mini season they're supposed to show this summer. (Yes, it's silly to spend so much more just for 5 episodes of one TV show. I probably won't do it, but it's fun to consider.)

More sad news: Netflix is dragging their feet on sending me Doctor Who series 4. On the up side, I know that I've got a lot of good stuff to watch. Eventually.

And that's all the news fit to print.

2008 Reading List

In 2007 I started a journal listing all the books I read that year. I enjoyed it so much that I decided to continue. Here are the books I read in 2008:
1. Size 12 Is Not Fat- Meg Cabot
2. Empire of Ivory- Naomi Novik
3. Crocodile on the Sandbank- Elizabeth Peters
4. Not Quite a Lady- Loretta Chase
5. The Ladies of Missalonghi- Colleen McCullough
6. Plum Lucky- Janet Evanovich
7. The Masque of the Black Tulip- Lauren Willig
8. Sizzle and Burn- Jayne Ann Krentz
9. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist- Rachel Cohen and David Levithan
10. Real Murders- Charlaine Harris
11. Dragon Blood- Patricia Briggs
12. Big Boned- Meg Cabot
13. The Spymaster’s Lady- Joanna Bourne
14. His for the Taking- Julie Cohen
15. Alien Taste- Wen Spencer
16. Stray- Rachel Vincent
17. The House of the Scorpion- Nancy Farmer
18. Shaken and Stirred- Kathleen O’Reilly
19. A Good Yarn- Debbie Macomber
20. Sex, Straight Up- Kathleen O’Reilly
21. Swimming Without a Net- Mary Janice Davidson
22. Everyone Else’s Girl- Megan Crane
23. Missing You- Meg Cabot
24. A Vision of Murder- Victoria Laurie
25. One Foot in the Grave- Jeaniene Frost
26. Princess Mia- Meg Cabot
27. The Sharing Knife: Legacy- Lois McMaster Bujold
28. Lady Anne’s Dangerous Man- Jeane Westin
29. Sweet Silver Blues- Glen Cook
30. My Fair Captain- J.L. Langley
31. Phyllida and the Brotherhood of Philander- Ann Herendeen
32. Fairyville- Emma Holly
33. Isabella- Loretta Chase
34. Last Wolf Standing- Rhyannon Byrd
35. The English Witch- Loretta Chase
36. Small Favor- Jim Butcher
37. Nightkeepers- Jessica Anderson
38. From Dead to Worse- Charlaine Harris
39. Grimspace- Ann Aguirre
40. Lord Perfect- Loretta Chase
41. Fearless Fourteen- Janet Evanovich
42. Certain Girls- Jennifer Weiner
43. The Third Circle- Amanda Quick
44. Dragonflight- Anne McCaffrey
45. Blood Noir- Laurell K. Hamilton
46. Venetia- Georgette Heyer
47. Strange Attractions- Emma Holly
48. Unquiet Dreams- Mark delFranco
49. The Lost Duke of Wyndham- Julia Quinn
50. The Summoning- Kelley Armstrong
51. Miss Wonderful- Loretta Chase
52. Lover Enshrined- J.R. Ward
53. The Man With the Golden Torc- Simon R. Green
54. Hidden- Eve Kenin
55. Your Scandalous Ways- Loretta Chase
56. Don’t Hex With Texas- Shanna Swendson
57. Cry Wolf- Patricia Briggs
58. Personal Demon- Kelley Armstrong
59. It’s All Too Much- Peter Walsh
60. The Curse of Chalion- Lois McMaster Bujold
61. The Sugar Queen- Sarah Addison Allen
62. Kitty and the Silver Bullet- Carrie Vaughn
63. Daemons Are Forever- Simon R. Green
64. Paladin of Souls- Lois McMaster Bujold
65. Acheron- Sherrilyn Kenyon
66. Unlucky- Jana DeLeon
67. Victory of Eagles- Naomi Novik
68. Oh My Gods- Tera Lynn Childs
69. Bet Your Bottom Dollar- Karin Gillespie
70. Demons Are a Ghoul’s Best Friend- Victoria Laurie
71. Dark Light- Jayne Castle
72. My Lord and Spymaster- Joanna Bourne
73. Night Season- Eileen Wilks
74. Into the Fire- Suzanne Brockmann
75. Gluten-Free Girl- Shauna James Ahern
76. Half-Assed- Jennette Fulda
77. The Hallowed Hunt- Lois McMaster Bujold
78. The Sharing Knife: Passage- Lois McMaster Bujold
79. Notes From a Small Island- Bill Bryson
80. Living With the Dead- Kelley Armstrong
81. Aphrodisiac- Allyson Roy
82. Marked- P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast
83. Blood Lines- Eileen Wilks
84. A Brother’s Price- Wen Spencer
85. Magician: Apprentice- Raymond E. Feist
Happy New Year's, y'all!

Mr. Flurry

This is Mr. Flurry. I found the free pattern online and knit him up out of stash as a Christmas present for my brother's inlaws. Isn't he cute?

He was knit in one piece and hemmed up the back, as the pattern directs. Sadly, my seaming skills are not that great, creating an unfortunate butt-crack effect. A friend says that the dimpling adds a nice cellulite effect, too. (Some friend!)

What I've really knit here is a brand-new Christmas character: Flurry the Lard Ass. Put him on your kitchen table. Use his as a decoration on your holiday buffets. Let him be a reminder that you too could look like this if you don't put down the cheese ball RIGHT NOW.

I feel a little bad giving Flurry to my inlaws-once-removed. They're nice people, and I'm hoping they'll put it on a shelf somewhere where no one can see the rear view. I didn't intend to send them a fat assed snowman for Christmas. Sometimes things just work out that way.

Good News/Bad News

I just had a call from my GI's office. Good news- the biopsies taken during my colonoscopy last week show no cancer or current inflammatory activity. The bad news? The colonoscopy shows no unusual activity. So, if there's nothing wrong with me, why do I feel like ass? I'm scheduled for a pill cam next week (a new test for me), and she wants me to make an appointment with a new Rheumatologist. Maybe those will turn something up. I certainly don't want anything to be wrong with me. But clearly there is something wrong, and if we can't find it, we can't fix it. Whatever's wrong with me, we have to fix it soon. I can't stay on disability much longer- it doesn't pay all my bills and the savings is running out, plus the insurance will only cover me for two more months. If I don't get back to work soon, disability or no, I'm afraid I won't have a job to go back to.

How's that for holiday cheer? In slightly better news, the Christmas knitting is just about done. If I'm lucky, the family presents will go out in the mail tomorrow. Wednesday and Thursday are taken up with doctors' appointments, and then I'd like to get my tree up and decorated over the weekend. (Late for everyone else, but early for my family. We usually put our tree up on Christmas Eve.) So that's my week.

Roto Rooter, that's the name...

I had my first appointment with a new GI this afternoon, and surprise, surprise she wants a new colonoscopy. That's not inappropriate considering I haven't had one since I was in the hospital last summer.

To say I'm looking forward to it is an overstatement, but a colonoscopy (and required prep) are kind of a a right of passage for those of us with Crohn's. I've never done the prep before, and I'm kind of curious how this is going to go. From everything I've heard, it'll be unpleasant. I guess I'll know on Thursday. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

It's Here

After two and a half weeks of fidgeting and stressing out, the dishcloth cotton I ordered to make Christmas presents is here. Now I just have to knit my hands off trying to get it all done in time. This has not been the best online shopping experience.

Pisgah: Peaches & Creme is the best dishcloth cotton I've tried, but based on this order, your customer service isn't good. One of the items I ordered was out of stock and no one bothered to tell me. When I called looking for a tracking number (a week later) you couldn't find the order, and it took two or three more phone calls before you were able to track it down. And you had already charged my card. You had the opportunity to turn that bad impression around by offering to upgrade my shipping, but you didn't do it. (That's what I would have done, if that had happened with an order in my office. Of course, it wouldn't have happened because we always notify customers immediately if a product is backordered, and make suggestions of alternate products if they don't want to wait for the backorder to come in. That's good customer service.) My overall impression of your company? Mediocre.

UPS: We're breaking up. You rescheduled on me. Then you stood me up. Then you lied about it. Then you promised to call and never did. You're like a combination of every bad boyfriend I've ever had. I won't be shipping my Christmas packages with you this year. Or likely ever again.

Now that the yarn has finally arrived, I'm motoring through, trying to get everything done on time to ship for Christmas. I've finished two dishcloths and started a third in just about 24 hours. I'm going to have to take it a little easy- my hands are really starting to hurt. But I still hope to finish dishcloth three before bed tonight. Then tomorrow I might start working on one of the three bags I still hope to knit. Those are a much looser knit than the dishcloths, so hopefully those will be a little easier on my hands and forearms.

In slightly more cheerful news, I watched disc 3 of Primeval last night and this morning, and I'm LOVING this show. I'd be seriously considering upgrading my cable package to include BBC America if it wouldn't double my cable bill. Thank the TV gods for Netflix. I've got a pretty decent Blockbuster down the street, but their TV on DVD selection is pretty well limited to US productions, and most of those are crime or soap opera type dramas. Not much in the way of sci-fi.

Doctor Who, series two disc one, is in the player for tonight and the final disc of Primeval should be in the mail today. At least I've got good stuff to watch as I crank out those rows.

Who

Last night I finished watching Doctor Who season one. (The wireless is still working, sort of.) I'm surprised to say that I'd seen more of it than I realized. The Slitheen were familiar, as was the phrase Bad Wolf. I'd also seen at least part of an episode later in the series with a large (fire?) demon. I'd seen just enough to be confused and lose interest. That's why I don't like to jump into the middle of a series. I want to be in on it from the beginning.

I got very attached to Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor- he brought such charm to the role. I'm not sure how I'm going to like David Tennant. The first disc of season two should come in the mail by the end of the week, so I guess we'll see.

Apparently I've developed a thing for British accents. The other DVDs I received today were disc two of Primeval (another BBC show) and Prince Caspian.

'Tis the (shopping) season

I went out this evening and did my first Christmas shopping. I wouldn't have bothered, but I had a 40% off coupon for Barnes & Noble and it was only good for this weekend. Hey, the Christmas budget is tight this year. Plus I have to ship all my gifts instead of hauling them with me on the plane. I'll take whatever discounts I can get.

Most of the last three days have been consumed with trying to get my wireless router working properly. I wanted to watch some things on my computer through Netflix, but the old desk top just isn't up to the task. Too old, too slow. Not enough memory. The laptop can handle it, but it didn't want to work plugged directly into the modem. It was time to haul out the router I bought over a year ago with the laptop and get it set up. It gave me a few fits, but it finally seems to be working. First it kept quitting on me. Then there was a problem with the software. Eventually I discovered that the update on the software was bad. And I only had to system restore and re-download the software twice to figure it out. I'm still not sure why it craps out on me every couple of hours, but I now know to just unplug the modem and router, give them a minute, and plug them back in again. Whatever's happening, that seems to reboot everything. Not a great solution, but it's a two minute fix instead of a two hour ordeal. See, I can learn. Eventually.

Now that I've got the wireless working, sort of, I'm exploring the instant play options on Netflix. So far I've watched about half of Dr Who season one and one episode of Ballykissangel. My dad loves British comedies, and I thought Ballykissangel might be a good Christmas present. I'm not sure about that, although I enjoyed it and plan to watch more. Dad's got a bit of a Thing about Catholics, and I'm not sure if that would prevent him from enjoying the show or not. We come from a line of Protestant ministers (although I frequently wonder if there's not a Goddess worshiping milk man somewhere in my background), and it seems to me that no matter what the religion, you run into the same kinds of people and politics at any church. There is, unfortunately, no logic or sense when Dad decides to develop a Thing, though, so whether he'd see the universality of it is hard to say. Amazon has season one available for $25, which is just a skosh over the $20 budget I set, so more thought is needed.

He's been very unhelpful with the Christmas list this year. When I asked him yesterday he said, "I don't know, maybe a DVD." But when I asked which DVD he'd like, he didn't know. I warned him if he couldn't give me a title or two he was going to get a pack of blank DVDs. And a lump of coal for his stocking. He seemed perfectly OK with the lump of coal idea. At the cost of heating fuel this year it would be a valuable gift.

His favorites are As Time Goes By, Keeping Up Appearances, The Vicar of Dibley, and Are You Being Served. If anyone has suggestions about other shows he might enjoy, I'd be happy to hear them. I don't get BBC America on my basic cable package and the last time I checked the local PBS station wasn't playing much in the way of Britcom.

True Confessions

I've never admitted this before because, well, it's a little embarrassing. But I'm getting very fannish in my old age. My current obsession? Torchwood.

I heard about this show in passing from some British folks on a message forum that I frequent. It sounded interesting, but when I found out it was a spin off of Dr. Who, my interest cooled. (I sampled Dr. Who a few years ago and didn't like it at all. Too cheesy. Now I'm thinking maybe I didn't give it a fair shot and should try it again.)

Anyway, I'd made it through all the Closer discs on Netflix (love that show!) and needed something else to watch, so I decided to give it a go. The first disc was OK, but it didn't knock my socks off. I decided to keep the rest in my Q, mixed in with some other things. I'd had discs two and three for a couple of weeks before I watched them. Wow. Instant addict. Everything available on Netflix is now at the top of my Q.

The whole series is also now on my Christmas list if, you know, anyone's interested.

Home for Christmas

Well, it looks like I'm going to be home for Christmas. My home, in Houston. By myself. I'm kind of excited. (Don't tell Mom.) My brother and his wife can't make it to Boston this year, and I'm taking the opportunity to ditch. If we were all going to be there, I'd guilt myself into going and then really pay for it. I feel a little bad about leaving my parents childless for the first Christmas in 34 years. But then, my brother and I haven't been children in a very long time. And anyway it about darn time for me to make decisions based on what's best for me, not on guilt and parental expectations.


Mom is pushing for the two of them to fly down here for a few days and then off to see my brother for a few days. My heart sank when she told me that. I'd already started picturing my own peaceful Christmas. Just me and the cat. Make a little turkey, decorate a little tree. Get up when I feel like it and open what ever presents I might have. Listen to some Christmas music and watch a movie or something. No late night church service in the cold. No scrambling around to get the tree decorated and the presents wrapped in time. No last minute cleaning projects or extensive food prep. Something quiet and special and just for me.

At least she told my dad that they'd have to stay in a hotel here. I think Dad is mad, or maybe offended, that they can't stay with me. (This is only by inference, since I'm only allowed to talk to Dad if she's not in the house when I call or if she up to her eyeballs in something messy and can't come right then. And last week when I was slowly coming off that mad with her, Mom had Dad answer my call and talk to me for a while to get the lay of the land and find out if I'd tell him stuff that I wasn't telling her.) (Yes, we get that way when one of us gets a little too up in the other's bidness. I womanfully refrained from mentioning that this whole situation was such a flashback to her relationship with her mother. I thought an imprudent "Your acting just like Grandmom" could blow a perfectly reasonably "U wuz out of ordr and I haz a mad" into a full on cold war, which I really didn't want to have to deal with.

She called today and said that he thinks the whole thing is going to be too expensive and he doesn't want to do it. And now she's sad and hurt. The guilt and the vision of my own little Christmas are battling it out right now. Which one eventually wins will depend on if Mom leaves it alone or if she keeps pushing. If she keeps pushing I'll end up with three adults in a one bedroom, one bath apartment.

If they stay with me they'll have to take my bed and that puts me on an air mattress in the living room. No privacy, no practical way to take a nap during the day. And the Christmas tree will have to be in the living room too, which makes things just that much more crowded. The other option, which I'm afraid Mom might push, is for me to stay in my room and for one of them to take the air mattress and the other sleep on the couch. Now I've taken a fine nap or three on that couch. But anything over a couple of hours is seriously uncomfortable. I would not recommend it. Option Three would be to get them a double or queen sized air mattress, again in the living room with the tree, leaving the main living space crowded in the extreme. We might need to drag a folding table and a comfortable chair into my room so we can play a game or something without feeling like we're tripping over everyone's stuff. I'll have to clean out my little office space- maybe find a way to hang a curtain- so that they can have a private dressing area that's not my bedroom or the bathroom. Because, frankly, I don't share that bathroom well. And three adults taking their showers one after the other (with pauses in between to try a win back a little hot water), and facial cleansing and moisturizing, and painting routines, and teethbrushing, and hair drying and fixing and fluffing.... it all gets to be a bit much. And unless we want unsightly messes on the carpet, we should probably make sure that the cat gets a private moment in there with his litter pan now and then, too. Four days of that would, in the immortal words of Oprah, drive me "foo foo crazy!"

I'm crazy enough, thanks.

moving on

I've calmed down a bit since my last post. The fact that I haven't spoken to my mother yet has probably helped. I'll talk to her tomorrow or Monday, if I feel up to it.

The Remicade has helped a bit. I rolled out of bed this morning and creaked to my feet and then realized that my knees weren't screaming for mercy. Cool. Other unfortunate symptoms are acting up, and the knees didn't stay happy for long, but I'll take what I can get.

I called my GI yesterday to run the prednisone idea past him. In one breath he agreed with me that it was a bad idea, and then said I should do it anyway at the full original 5mg/day she prescribed, not the fall back 2.5mg. I tried calling the GI my GP recommended after that, but I guess they close early on Fridays. I'm going to try again on Monday to see if I can schedule an appointment for a second opinion. Not just about the pred, but my whole treatment program. Obviously, it's not working, and I'm not willing to dink around any longer. The short term disability ends Nov 30, and if they approve the long term disability I absolutely have to be back to work by the end of February or I'll lose my medical insurance. That can't happen. Also, I'd just like to feel good for a change.

NaNo is coming along well. I'm behind the ideal word count, but I'm making nice progress on the story, and I've discovered some stuff about a couple of characters I didn't know before, so I'll take it. Back to the writing.

what I almost said to my mother- but didn't

Tonight I came as close as I ever have in my life to telling my mother to just shut up already. As you may have noticed from my last post, I didn't have the best day today. I warned her when she called that I was upset and in a bad mood. Instead of taking that as a request to lay off, she got offended. And then she went into full on nag mode.

About a month ago I made the huge, huge, God-why-did-I-open-my-mouth, mistake of saying that I was so frustrated with my medical care here in Houston that I might consider going up to Boston for treatment. She jumped on that with both feet, and that's all I've heard about since. She's gone so far as to talk to her doctors and hit up total strangers for referrals.

The last thing, the absolute dead last thing, I want is to move in with my parents for a couple of weeks. (Or months.) I'm hanging on to the last fraying thread of my independence here. I need my peace and quiet. As I said before, there is nothing peaceful or quiet about my mother. Living with her again would drive me straight up the wall.

Anyway, she started nagging me about calling other doctors and setting up appointments. She wants me to call someone in Boston for a referral in Houston. She wants me to call this doctor, and this doctor, and this doctor tomorrow and get information and schedule appointments. Do you want me to call for you? You should be in Boston. They have the best doctors in the world. Boston Medical Center, Mass General, Beth Israel Deaconess, blah, blah, blah. Have you called them yet? Are you on the phone with them now? I don't know why I'm even talking about this with you. I know what you're like when you dig in your feet about something.

Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP.

She very nearly had me in tears before I finally said "I just can't talk about this anymore." I'm so overwhelmed and stressed out right now. I've hit my limit. I can't cope with anything more right now. So please, Mom, just leave me alone.

banging my head against the wall

I went to the Rheumatologist this afternoon to have some blood work done and discuss my current meds. I'm a mess right now, and based on experience I don't believe I'm going to get better on the Remicade/methotrexate cocktail. I want off the MTX, and I want to explore other options, like Humira or Cimzia. When I brought up the possibility, she told me that I hadn't been on the MTX long enough at the current dosage and that she didn't want to raise it yet, but that she'd raise the dose before she'd consider taking me off it. And then she offered me prednisone. Prednisone! The evil step-mother of autoimmune treatments. She wants to put me on 2.5-5 mg of the stuff indefinitely. As in forever. And oh, by the way, I should also go on another IV drug to stop the pred from melting my bones. (Remicade, for those not in the know, is also an IV drug. Typical dosing for Crohn's is one infusion every 8 weeks. I'm currently on one infusion every 6 weeks, and she's talking about upping my dosage on that, too.) Side effects of pred (more common with high doses, but also possible with long term use) include weight gain, cataracts, diabetes, osteoporosis, Cushing's disease, and insomnia. I still haven't managed to clear the thrush from the course I was given in the hospital a year and a half ago, either. And she wants me to go back on that crap? She also wants to consider putting me on a second chemo drug. (MTX is a chemo drug.) She wasn't clear on whether that's in addition to what I'm already on or to replace the Remicade. I'm pretty sure it's in addition. More chemo. That's really going to help my fatigue. I've got to get a new doctor.

/rant

Peace, perfect peace, with loved ones far away....

My mom came down for an IBD conference this weekend and flew home this morning. I loved having her, but I have to say I'm glad she's gone. I might have mentioned, oh, about 800 times, that Crohn's saps my energy. I'm tired all the time. And my mother, bless her, is not a restful person. A lot of it is guilt. She wants to be here helping me all the time but it's not possible, so when she's here she wants to DO STUFF for me. She wants to be HELPFUL. Never mind that I don't particularly want done any of the stuff she's trying to do. Or that what would really help me is if she'd quit banging around in the kitchen or vacuuming the living room and let me take a nap.

Part of the problem was my expectations, too. I was so excited that she was coming! I hadn't seen her since Christmas. I wanted to take her to the quilt show, and go to the movies, and get our nails done, and maybe go clothes shopping. I really wanted to take her up to the Renaissance Festival, but I thought it might be too much for me, and I didn't want to stress her knee. (She had a knee replacement last winter.) What did we actually do? We went to the conference, and she had to drive us home when it ended at 3:30, because I was too tired to drive. We went to Whole Foods so that I could pick up a few groceries and she could see what kind of gluten free stuff they had. (Some really good stuff, btw.) She helped me pick out new frames for my glasses. That's it. No movies, no quilt show, no nothing. I drove her to the airport and voted this morning, and now I feel like someone hit me with a hammer. This sucks.

I did manage to write a few words for NaNo. I'm up to 1300-something. I want to get a few words on the page today, and hopefully 1500-2000 words tomorrow between naps. Thursday is Remicade and the Rheumatologist, so I don't expect to get much done then. I'd like to get caught up by the end of next weekend, but we'll see. I'd also like to feel like a million bucks, and we've all seen how successful that wish has been.

I think I'll go take a nap now.

Progress

I haven't mentioned it much lately, but I have been making slow but steady progress on the new bed spread. Isn't it fun? The picture is lousy (as usual), but the colors are much brighter in person. I figure I'm about 1/10th done. At this rate it should only take me another three or four years to finish. That's what I get for making such a big project with such small yarn.

The gluten-free project is going well, too. I think my guts are a little happier than they used to be. Once you get used to it, it's not that hard. No harder than any of the other dietary changes I've had to make in the last year and a half. Just one more set of ingredients to watch out for. I tried a gluten-free bread mix in my bread machine this week. Not bad. Not as tasty as what I used to make, but it's bread. At $4.99 it ain't cheap, but it's better than the $7.99 a loaf that Whole Foods charges for gluten-free bread. And I'm sure it's fresher, considering those loaves are in the refrigerated section.

Another big change in the last week- I got my hair cut! This may not seem like a big deal to you, but I haven't had a hair cut in almost a year. I've worn my hair in a standard short bob for at least 15 years. No more. She cut in layers and added blond highlights. And I've discovered why I was having so much trouble with my hair. (Before this hair cut I looked like a white Don King. For real. It was scary.) I always had a little bit of wave in my hair, but mostly it was straight. I now have curly hair! There are swoops and waves everywhere, and I have actual ringlets forming at the back of my neck. It's unreal. My stylist says that hair texture changes over time. The meds could have something to do with it, too. It still blows my mind every time I look in the mirror. I look like I've had a perm!

I have a ways to go yet, but I am getting ready for NaNo. I've read through my notes from two years ago and familiarized myself with a few of the minor characters. I still haven't read through the whole story yet. This week, I promise. I want to make a few notes, do a little brain storming, and be ready when the time comes. I won't be able to start right away- my mom is coming for a long weekend and I'd rather spend the time with her than write. But she leaves on Tuesday, so after I drop her off at the airport and vote I want to dive right in. I'm losing the first three days of NaNo, but I've missed a lot more than that it years past and still made it through.

I managed to get a few referrals for new GI docs today, too. I'm not satisfied with my current medical team. I just don't accept that this is as good as it gets. There's got to be something better out there, some better treatment or combination of treatments, that will give me back my energy and make it possible to go back to work and lead a semi-normal life. I hope to get a few new ideas at an IBD conference this weekend. (That's why Mom is coming in for the weekend- to go with me.) Keep your fingers crossed. I'd love to report some more progress in the healing department soon.

Eulogy for a House Plant

I'm sorry, plant. I'm sorry I never fed you and rarely remembered to water you. You were a gift, and you cheered me up at a time when I desperately needed cheering. You lasted for 16 months- longer than any of your predecessors. I forgot to water you before I left town for a week and a half for Hurricane Ike, and though I watered you and even tried to feed you when I came home, you were never the same. Slowly, one by one, your leaves drooped, turning yellow and then brown. Where once a lush green houseplant stood (OK, you haven't been "lush" for at least a year, but you looked pretty good at first), now there is nothing but brown stalks in a basket with a jaunty white bow. You will be missed.

Gluten Free

It's been two weeks since I started my gluten free experiment. I think it might be working. It hasn't been the magic cure I was hoping for, but nothing else has either. Maybe if I combine enough magic cures, they'll add up to me being healthy again. It's a hope.

I did slip up once this past week. (Can you call a deliberate bad choice a "slip up?" Maybe I should say I fell off the wagon.) I had a couple of kolaches on Tuesday morning, and I was miserable for days afterward. Tuesday and Wednesday were both high stress days. Way high, like stratospherically high, stress days. So that certainly could have had something to do with it. The evidence is suggestive, if not conclusive. I think, for now, I'll stick with the gluten free program.

There is some other good news- my short term disability was approved. Thank God. The check arrived yesterday. I'm no longer broke, desperate, and sick. I'm just sick. And desperate to get better, I suppose. But it's a different kind of desperate from worrying about the money and how I'm going to manage going back to work full time when two hours of running errands puts me in bed for the rest of the day. And most of the next.

I do feel like I'm starting to get the hang of this gluten free stuff. I've read three books on the subject so far. (Well, read one and dipped heavily into the two others.) Usually I turn to the web for research like this, but for some reason I'm not finding the information I need this time. I know it's out there, I just don't seem to be finding it. It's striking to me how each book seems to have a different take on what's safe and what's not. Gluten-Free Girl by Shauna James Ahern is certainly the most strict. And in some ways the least helpful for my situation. It's filled with recipes using ingredients I can't have- nuts, seeds, vegetables that I can't digest. It's also the newest book, and you'd think, would have the most up-to-date information.

The other two books are The Complete Idiot's Guide to Gluten-Free Eating and The Gluten-Free Bible. At least one of the authors of the Idiot's Guide apparently doesn't have Celiacs or gluten sensitivity. The Bible was written by someone with years of experience, but it was published in 2005.

Girl suggests that everything that might possibly have the fainest trace of gluten, no matter how unlikely, requires contacting the manufacturer. It has a lot of information, which other sources suggest is out of date, and reads more like a memoir or collection of essays in some parts than a guide book to gluten free eating. Idiot's Guide explains FDA and USDA labeling laws, the likelihood of various ingredients containing gluten, and says it's up to the reader to decide if it's an acceptable risk. They also point out that in our litigious society, some statements are made to cover the manufacturer even if the possibility of contamination is practically non-existent. Bible has a lot of helpful information, including the low down on various restaurants. Did you know (at least, as of 2005) that IHOP adds pancake batter to their omelets to make them fluffier? I never would have guessed that. The eggs are the one item on any breakfast menu that I would have assumed was safe for me to eat.

It's not all bad news. I've canvased the local grocery stores in the last few days and figured out who has which products and for the best price. Of course, the closest store has the highest prices- by a dollar or more on some items. But their meat department is nasty, so shifting most of my shopping to other stores isn't that great a hardship.

Some of what I've tried has been quite good, some has been meh. One item has made me very happy- it's a regular, non-specialty food that recently made a small formula change to become gluten free. Being a major national brand, it's much cheaper than the specialty gluten free stuff. I've got a lot more products to try. Next time I'll come back with a list of what was good and what wasn't.

10,000 things

This week I've been following an online discussion about weight, and somehow in the last day or so it's morphed into a discussion of stuff. Clutter. One poster said that the average American owns 10,000 items. I would not be surprised. But, have mercy, that's a lot of stuff.

Of course, I couldn't leave a figure like that alone. So I spent about 15 minutes and wandered around my apartment taking a surface count. I didn't open the pantry or any of the kitchen cabinets. (Most of the dishes are dirty on the counter anyway.) I didn't open any boxes. I checked the coat closet and my bedroom closet, but not the linen closet or the very scary storage closet behind me. I did not open the refrigerator and count the sodas or the freezer and count the waffles. This was mostly just a wander around the house to count what was clearly visible. The total came to over 1000 things. I have a lot of crap.

That's not how I want to live. I've been working, in fits and starts, on clearing the clutter for several months now. I'm getting better at weeding out the flotsam- the store coupons for items I never use, receipts I'll never need, stuff that looked important but was really junk mail. It's a constant battle, but one that can be won.

Now it's time to move down a level. To the things that aren't clearly junk. I need to start making decisions about what is useful vs what is just sitting around collecting dust, and then I need to start acting on those decisions. If it's useful it needs a place of it's own. If it's not useful it need to find it's way out of my home. In the past I've done pretty well with making the decisions, but find myself out of the emotional energy necessary to follow through with the actions. The piles may eventually be dragged out to the trash, or if it's really good stuff and I can find the energy and time, to Good Will. But more often than not they will sit all over my living room floor for a week or two, mocking me, until I gather it all up in a bundle and throw it all back in the closet to deal with later. I feel better, briefly, about my clean floor and avoid opening that closet for the next six months, if possible.

To make things interesting, I've decided on a new plan. I'm going to get rid of (and not replace) 1,000 things. Many of the things I counted this afternoon are of daily use or hold sentimental value for me, so I'm keeping them. But I've got at least 3 junk drawers in the kitchen that weren't counted at all. I'm sure they'll yield some treasures. I've knit two blankets for Project Linus, with a third on the way. They can be washed and delivered. On the bookshelf next to my desk I have 3 phone books that are at least two years out of date. Recycling!

I'm getting ready for NaNo next month- I wonder if this is a bizarre version of nesting?

Moving on, I've been gluten-free for 9 days now. I'm feeling a little... different, but I wouldn't say I'm feeling better. Certain symptoms- which are gross and you don't want to hear about here- are better, while others are worse. I'm hoping that going off gluten is like going off caffeine- you feel like crap for a while, until it flushes it's way out of your system, and then you feel better. Come on, better. There are two books about going gluten-free, including recipes, on reserve at the library. Hopefully that will help. I made a lovely, junk-foodie macaroni and cheese with brown rice pasta for dinner last night. It helped tremendously, as I was having visions of driving to the nearest Panera and buying up all the left-over bagels and whatever baguettes they had on hand. I'm sorry, Elaine Gottschall, but giving up all starchy carbs is not for me.

Well, I'm off to bed and the audio version of Komar by Lois McMaster Bujold. If it's wrong to be in love with a fictional character, I don't want to be right.

So, it's been a while....

Many things have happened in the last two months. I'll try to hit the highlights.

I'm on medical leave. Have been since the end of August. Now if only the company where I have my short term disability insurance would approve it.... You have to start the leave before you apply for it, without knowing for sure if they will approve it. If they deny the claim I'm going to be completely out at least 6 weeks of pay at this point. Better or not (and unfortunately, the answer is not), if they don't get me a check soon I'm going to have to go back to work. My savings account is emptying at an alarming rate.

Hurricane Ike came for a little visit. I got out of town. Call me a wimp, I need power and a functioning bathroom. My area was minimally effected. Lots of trees down and roofs damaged, but the power was back on here first and homes weren't totally blown away or under 5 feet of water. I had some water damage in my apartment, which I still haven't strong-armed the management company into fixing. It's only cosmetic, but I don't like opening my eyes every morning to a stained and pealing wall. Things are still pretty screwed up in Houston. Lots of stop lights were messed up, and three weeks later traffic is still a disaster.

I've changed my meds, increased other meds, and taken time off work, but the Crohn's is still kicking my butt. A friend, who has had Crohn's for 20 years and who I look up to as a mentor, gently recommends going gluten-free every time I talk to her. I finally decided to try it. I've been gluten-free for... about 24 hours now. No change so far. I don't expect this to be the miracle cure. But then, at this point I've stopped hoping for the miracle cure. I don't believe it's out there. I think I'm going to have to find all the little pieces that work for me, and put the puzzle together all by myself. Unfortunately, someone lost the box top with the picture on it. And someone else mixed pieces from a bunch of other puzzles into my box. So it's taking a while. I know what I want this thing to look like when I'm done. I just don't know if that's possible with the pieces I have available.

In more cheerful news, National Novel Writing Month is coming up again. My plan (always with the plan!) is to re-read my 2006 novel, and then starting Nov 1, pick up where I left off and finish the damn thing. I shouldn't call it "the damn thing." I really like this story. I think it has potential. It just, like so many other things in my life right now, seems like the impossible task.

Gotta work on that attitude.

Not Enough Hours in a Day

Being sick has to be the biggest time suck in the world. There's never enough time and energy to do everything that needs to be done. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, I'm late. The alarm is set for 6:05 am and goes off for an hour. I usually wake up at 7:15. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about that. My body says, "You need sleep more than you need to get up right now," and refuses to flip the switch. I stagger into the bathroom and deal with a good 15-20 minutes of unpleasantness. I clean up from that and then some days I stagger to the laundry room to check the status of whatever sat in the dryer over night. Usually it's not dry yet, so I give it another spin. Back to the bathroom, where I climb in the shower and wash the really important bits. A couple days a week I'll wave a razor in the general vicinity of my under arms. Then I'll sign and look down at all the hair on my legs that I once again won't be shaving. Out of the shower. Dry off. Brush teeth. Towel dry and brush hair. Maybe slap on a little moisturizer if my face is dry.

Next stop the living room. Pull the cell phone off the charger and stuff it in my purse. Make sure I have a full compliment of feminine protection, in case of unfortunate accidents. Make sure I have all my meds. Depending on how late I am at this point, or if the weather is doing something funky, I'll turn on the National news for a few minutes. Someone is grilling something or singing something. If the timing is right I might get to hear a bunch of tourists squeal and wave signs while one or two lucky ones get to tell about their mission trip from South Podunk. And then maybe some weather. All the while pulling on the least wrinkled of the clean clothes piled on top of my dining room table. Put my shoes on. Feed the cat. Hopefully remember to bring a plastic cup so I don't have to drink out of the mini paper ones. Save a tree. And a trip to the water dispenser.

If I'm really lucky there will be something easy to grab for breakfast at my desk. Lean Pocket breakfast pockets, maybe. But usually I ate the last one yesterday and there's nothing. So it's a peanut butter sandwich or a bowl of cold cereal. (Do you have any idea what a hassle it is to pack a bowl of cold cereal to go?) Check again to make sure I have my meds. Trip over the cat on the way out the door.

Arrive at work around 8:20. (Twenty minutes late.) Deal with a grumpy boss who claims to understand my condition but still is mad when I'm not there on the dot of 8. Try not to resent the hypocrisy when he leaves to run his son to sports camp/takes the afternoon off for a massage/takes an hour to get a hair cut/wanders out of the office with a vague "I'll be back" and returns twenty minutes later with a smoothie.

Drag myself through miles of mind numbing paperwork. Hope that I'll make it all the way to Friday before collapsing. Wonder how I'm going to make it to the grocery store after work. Wonder if I really have to. Convince myself that I can squeeze at least one more meal out of the stuff in the freezer and pantry. Stagger out the door at 5:01.

Get home and spend another 20 unpleasant minutes in the bathroom. Clean up again and raid the kitchen. There is nothing to eat. Manage a meal out of ramen noodles, cheese sticks, and a package of diced peaches just slightly past their due date. Put the dirty dishes in the sink. They'll keep 'til tomorrow. Or next week. Or whenever you feel good enough to scrape off the fuzz and throw them in the dishwasher. Vegetate on the couch. Knit a little. Talk to Mom on the phone. Try to pretend things are better than they are. Don't manage to fool her. Go read a book in the bathroom for a while. Final round of medicine for the night. Hope I can do it all tomorrow. After all, it was only Tuesday.